Friendship wasn't meant for convenience and neither was love. - Me

It's funny how my mood just went from really happy to an all time low. Well I guess my happiness was just a mask for hiding the pain I've held in my heart since third grade. Why do people just be nice to me then turn their back on me, why not talk things out and see if I'll understand your point of view. My heart has more scars then I would be able to cut on my body. My mind is completely and utterly blank when it comes to my problems... If I cannot help myself, how can I be expected to do anything, to help you? I'm still afraid about not being able to see my child, still afraid of winding up alone, and still afraid to not be able to bring myself up from the grave I dug around me. I know those of you that are reading this, this is in no way helping you because it's making you think of your life, of your pain and it brings you down, but how can I keep my charade of happiness up when people are killing themselves, hurting others, or suffering behind the mask like I am? Is it possible for me to give up my emotions? And if I did would god let all of you have a better life? If she does, I'll give my life and my soul.