Friendship wasn't meant for convenience and neither was love. - Me

Like the title this is what it means... ONE LAST ENTRY no turning back... hahah fooled you, this is the last entry for the night... have fun... well try after this one... it's as depressing as it'll get. When I told you I was grounded, you asked what for... I tell you I haven't slept for the past day and I was up all night crying and I was calling long distance to much... well to tell you the truth... I didn't sleep for about a week... my body is so out of it it's hard to breath, but with day comes energy, that's how I am... even though I'm not in good condition my body is able to conceal that... but when I'm home all I can do is collapse and stare at the cieling... thinking about Kt because she shouldn't have had to go through all the shit she went through in the past couple of months, I try to help her out as much as I can and be there for her whenever I can. Most of you know I love kate... if you didn't now you do... I was worried about her as well, I would talk to her and she'd be slightly depressed to begin with and I try my best to cheer her up make her laugh, she wished she could feel that way forever, that made me smile... Now she's worried about Brian, and I feel bad for her, because I know how she feels... and once again I'm in this position of a loss... I've never told anyone this... well the most I ever said was I had a friend but she moved to germany... Well we used to love each other... She moved we kept in touch, I would always call that's when picking up the phone bill came in handy... my mom would still get mad but I wouldn't have to explain to her and then I'd write emails to her to see how she was doing then they just stopped, no answer, nothing... she sent me one email saying she met someone... and through that period of time, I was worried I kept on thinking how she was, if she would be okay... was she hurt. When I got the email, I felt betrayed... at the end of the line... shattered. Still I put on a mask went to school and laughed had fun everyday, went home ended up fighting with my mom, go upstairs, lay my head on my pillow and cry, and then I would hug this teddy bear that I've had since I was a baby. (yes it's been washed... A LOT of times) and I would continue to cry till I would let it out... Then the tears would stop and the day would cycle itself for a few months. Then that stopped I met someone else... It was freshman year. I wrote letter to her and she would take them and smile, I got her things for Valentines and her birthday... Then I found out she had a boy friend, I couldn't even hold onto the tears till after school... half way through my last class there was someone hugging a girl... I just let it out there, no one comforted me. The came sophmore year... I'm still blank about that year... Now it's Junior year... and I feel like 7-8 grade all over again.