This entry is dedicated to Mitch Hedberg, he died on March 30, 2005 I will always remember that day, and please go out and buy his two cd's "Strategic Grill Locations" and "Mitch All together". Mitch was a man with a heart of gold, he cared about his fans and his family, he canceled a show because a group of people that were going to watch him were cheated out of their money for the show. He bought an air conditioner for a group of kids after the show when they told him their dormatory was hot and they had no means to cool down. Mitch Props to you man.

I haven't slept for ten days... because that would be to lonnng. My apartment is infested with Koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better then cocroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of Koala bears scatter, I didn't want them too, I'm like "Hey, hold on fellas, lemme hold on of you, and feed you a leaf.

Ah man I can't tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two tree's involved. They said, lets call this something tree, so they had a meeting it was, it was quite short. How about tree, no, double tree, Hell YEAH! Meeting adjourned! I had my heart set on quadruple tree, well we were almost there.

I've got a do not disturb sign on my hotel door, it says do not disturb. It's time to go with Don't disturb, it's been do not for to long. We need to embrace the contraction. Don't disturb, Do not psycs you out "Do, alright I get to disturb this guy, Not... Shit!!... I need to read faster!" I like to wear a do not disturb sign on my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock knock jokes. Say "Hey how ya doin Nephew, Knock Knock, Read the sign punk!"

I met the girl that works at the double tree front desk, she gave me her phone number, it's Zero. I tried to call her from here, some other woman answered. I said "You sound older."

I saw a commercial for an above ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Cuz that's the maximum amount of time you can depicte yourself having fun in an above ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would have said "What the fuck am I supposed to do now? the water's only up to here. What should I do, throught the ball back to Jimmy? or put some goggles on and look at his feet?! I can't even drown my knee caps!"

I had Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica cuz dude didn't even get his degree, why'd he have to drop out and start making pop so soon?

I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals, She was saying, "He loves me, he loves me not." Thank god the flower can't talk. What would it say? "Fuck that hurts, Fuck that hurts as well, Fuck leave me alone... I'm no longer pretty, and he loves you not. I could've told you I had an even number of petals!"

I tried to walk into Target but I missed. I think the entrance to target should have people splattered all around, then when I finally walk in the guys says "Can I help you?", just practicing."

I've got an ocelating fan at my house, the fan goes back and forth, looks like the fan is saying no. So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no too. Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't saying shit.