Innocent Flame's MindSay Blog

Well

Unitedybevol — 2005-04-23T09:04:09-05:00

Well I'm here now... there's two reasons why I cho-... three reasons why I chose that name well... It's my sn... and then its: United by love... hehehe... then it's: United, why be evil? ^^ o.0... omg I'm such a loser... I've been doing nothing... blah...

Once upon a time

Unitedybevol — 2005-04-25T01:04:04-05:00

A feel like a heart needs to be torn a soul shredded. A life left so it will never mend, a course of so much pain runs through my viens, the thoughts of death run through my mind sinking into my heart. Should I do it... I'll be locked away forever. I'll be left in the gates of hell, by the law of man. So many words are passing before my eyes so much sorrow and hatred coming toghether as one...

Crowded streets are cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes separate
As they run

You're so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Strong men die

[Chorus]

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time

[Chorus x2]

It's alright [x9]

May the dead rest in peace, may the living wipe away the tears... I look to god and can only ask... May I step forth and away from death and life.

Oh wow...

Unitedybevol — 2005-04-27T11:04:07-05:00

Yeah we had a presentation thing yesterday... It was cool, I went to the Marines during the 1st block and then I went to the Electrician one. Yeahh.... I'm kind of speechless... Wait... I just remembered, every night I think to myself and stare at the wall thinking if she'll be okay, I try to reassure myself, but I still can't help worrying, then I feel like I'm not there, if I can stay silent for as long as possible... if anyone will ever even see me and say Hi or something...

Bull

Unitedybevol — 2005-04-29T11:04:43-05:00

This is freaken bullshit! my headphones broke... GRRRrrrrr and then I lost the Earbuds dammit NOW I CAN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC UNLESS I'M AT HOME!!! I hope everyone's going to be okay... I feel like I'm taking on all this pain and it hurts and I feel so alone because of some people... oh yeah one of my friends got in a fight two days ago and he was socked right in the eye so I called him a few hours after I got home ^^ he's okay... he's been an ass sometimes... well half the time. I'm glad he's okay... I always thought I'd be the first one to get in a fight... guess not.

John.... shit.... me...

Unitedybevol — 2005-04-29T12:04:07-05:00

Your Birthdate: October 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity.
There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself.
You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator.

You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas.
Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed.
There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others.
Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

YAY!

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-01T12:05:11-05:00

OKay..... This was my Saturday for Volenteer work... I went over to the cafeteria where they were holding the senior dinner and then I was moving the tables around and then we put up decorations LOOKED SO NICE! While the decorations were being put up me and parker also had a "Who could blow up the most balloons" Contest, that was pretty damn fun I almost passed out at 32 but I got to 37 Parker had to quit around 31 cuz he had to help some people. And then Parker and I were escorts so that was cool, I got the mayor or ex mayor of Sunnyvale AGAIN! for the second time HAHHHahhhaha Parker was pissed lol. and yeah... after that me and Alvin ran outside and played Vollyball while the Seniors were enjoying their dinner and entertainment. Then it was clean up time... and I was stupid... anyway, discussed some project for the RAOK (Random act of kindness) club then I went home around 9:00 and my big brother (Tom) called and we went to the movies and watched Hitchhiker's Guid to the Galaxy! I LOVE THAT DEPRESSED ROBOT! oh yeah The CG (Computer Graphics) was soooo good! damn You've gotta see it!, it was a little on the wierd side though and the storyline was from 1-10 a 7... but still go see it, cuz it's hella funny!

balance of life is in disarray

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-02T02:05:40-05:00

Well today My big bro picked me up at 11:30 I helped him move, so we carried things into the truck and then unloaded the first load then we went to go grab some lunch... Did two more loads went and picked up his friend then we went driving then Hobee's, I saw Karen there, had a crush on her since third grade... but yeah... Anyway's we got his stuff moved in to his place... So... would you care if I died? Because right now I'm feeling like no one would care... I've done too much bad things so far in my life... I think I should die before I end up hurting someone. There's very few reasons why I'm still alive... the numbers are dwindling... I didn't want to die because I loved Kate so much I didn't want to leave her, I still don't and now no matter what she says it feels like I'm losing her, and then KT's gone through so much shit that it's not fucking fair for her to take all of this, she means so much to me and it feels I'm losing her too... Then there is my mom... she jsut doesn't even care if I die, it's like if I die... then she'd get all bitchy and the only reason she's crying is because she wasted her life raising the shittiest person alive... soon the only reason, the only dream I'll ever have left is holding my baby girl, or baby boy in my arms and look into his or her sweet little eyes and just kiss the baby on the nose and watch him or her just giggle and sleep. I really want to be able to bring a life to the world... A gift of my own... but I want bring the gift with someone I care about, someone I'll love, that loves me... I'm going through so much pain writing this... I'm trying to stop the tears but it seems like my feeling are unwanted anywhere I go... maybe death is a better path... just not now.

Sarahs pic

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-03T11:05:12-05:00

LOOK AT THAT HOT CHICK! DAMN SHE'S FINE... laaa la la... *walks off singing* <>=me thinking.

Kate's Pics

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-04T12:05:26-05:00

You know she has a sense of style, a sense of flair... OMG SHE'S IN CONTROL laa laa la... *Shakes my ass* LETS DANCE EVERYBODY!... Oh shit... I need to go find my ass... anyway, Isn't Kate so HOT SHE MAKES THE SUN MELT... okay that was a lame pick up line... She so hot she melted my contact lenses... wait... I don't have any... DAMN! Give me a moment... (I've gone psycho if you haven't noticed...)

Wow...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-04T01:05:42-05:00

It's funny how my mood just went from really happy to an all time low. Well I guess my happiness was just a mask for hiding the pain I've held in my heart since third grade. Why do people just be nice to me then turn their back on me, why not talk things out and see if I'll understand your point of view. My heart has more scars then I would be able to cut on my body. My mind is completely and utterly blank when it comes to my problems... If I cannot help myself, how can I be expected to do anything, to help you? I'm still afraid about not being able to see my child, still afraid of winding up alone, and still afraid to not be able to bring myself up from the grave I dug around me. I know those of you that are reading this, this is in no way helping you because it's making you think of your life, of your pain and it brings you down, but how can I keep my charade of happiness up when people are killing themselves, hurting others, or suffering behind the mask like I am? Is it possible for me to give up my emotions? And if I did would god let all of you have a better life? If she does, I'll give my life and my soul.

These Unwanted Tears

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-04T08:05:01-05:00

I'm sorry for being so down. But I'm busy ripping my eyes out of their sockets to stop the tears... It never ceases to amaze me how inane I've been. Everynight is almost the same... Some with tears... some with the thought of sacrifice for anothers gain, most night's barely with any happiness. A tear falls down, and yet my heart remains still. More tears are shedding and I'm buried 10 feet under. I can hear your voice, her voice, I can see my dreams, I can feel the pain within each of your hearts, and still I refuse to rise. My legs are stiff as are my arms and the stench of sorrow runs through my veins. Mirrored my tears fall out my eyes as they do hers... I want to reach up and hold her, but I can't I've been made an abomination, made inhuman, made for destruction. A single scar rises up from my heart and mirrors the cloud, more and more scars rise, and the sky is pitchblack. There were many moments I thought you were the one but now I know you're not. You love someone, just like the girl before. If I stand It'll be on my broken shattered back. Everyone watches me as I rise to stare at the one who shredded my emotions... and still I fall in love with you. I'm standing so still my heart is lost in time as my thoughts swirl around us. I can only cry...

I'm sorry

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-05T12:05:32-05:00

The bad moments on mindsay, and all the past blogs i've had, all the bad things are outwieghing the good... I feel like bottling everything up inside now and I don't know if I should stay on mindsay anylonger.

Two

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-05T10:05:42-05:00

Songs that are tearing through me and making me open my heart again... although I'm standing on the edge... I don't want to take that final step and fall in love again, I'm not in a rush to get hurt... I like this feeling of standing on the edge, the building of adrenaline before you jump out of the plane and soar like a bird befor pulling the line.

Toby Kieth

"You shouldn't kiss me like this"

I got a funny feeling
The moment that your lips touched mine
Something shot right through me
My heart skipped a beat in time

There's a different feel about you tonight
It's got me thinkin' lots of crazy things
I even think I saw a flash of light
It felt like electricity

You shouldn't kiss me like this
Unless you mean it like that
Cause I'll just close my eyes
And I won't know where I'm at
We'll get lost on this dance floor
Spinnin' around
And around
And around
And around

They're all watchin' us now
They think we're falling in love
They'd never believe we're just friends
When you kiss me like this
I think you mean it like that
If you do baby kiss me again

Everybody swears we make the perfect pair
But dancing is as far as it goes
Girl you've never moved me quite
The way you moved me tonight
I just wanted you to know
I just wanted you to know

You shouldn't kiss me like this
Unless you mean it like that
Cause I'll just close my eyes
And I won't know where I'm at
And We'll get lost on this dance floor
Spinnin' around
And around
And around
And around

They're all watchin' us now
They think we're falling in love
They'd never believe we're just friends
When you kiss me like this
I think you mean it like that
If you do baby kiss me again
Kiss me again

Eminem

"Mockingbird"

Yeah

I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now

But hey, what daddy always tell you?

Straighten up little soldier

Stiffen up that upper lip

What you crying about?

You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad

When I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had

I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh

I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry

Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?

Daddy's with you in your prayers

No more crying, wipe them tears

Daddy's here, no more nightmares

We gonna pull together through it, we gonna do it

Lainie uncle's crazy, aint he yeah?

But he loves you girl and you better know it

We're all we got in this world

When it spins, when it swirls

When it whirls, when it twirls

Two little beautiful girls

Lookin' puzzled, in a daze

I know it's confusing you

Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news

I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems

The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me

All the things growing up as daddy that he had to see

Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did

We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me

But things have got so bad between us

I don't see us ever being together ever again

Like we used to be when we was teenagers

But then of course everything always happens for a reason

I guess it was never meant to be

But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is

But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep

Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]

Now hush little baby, don't you cry

Everything's gonna be alright

Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, i told ya

Daddy's here to hold ya through the night

I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why

We feel how we feel inside

It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby

But i promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny

I remember back one year when daddy had no money

Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up

And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me

Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em

I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying

Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job

But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom

And at the time every house that we lived in

*Either kept getting broken into and robbed

Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar

Trying to start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college

Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it

And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart

And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart

Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back

Onto Chalmers in a flat one bedroom apartment

And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara

And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre

And flew you and momma out to see me

But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me

Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it

And you and Lainnie were to young to understand it

That Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit

And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it

I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand

Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud

Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing

Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out

To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now

Wow, I guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here

Lainie I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here

I like the sound of that, yeah

It's got a ring to it don't it?

Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

[Chorus]

And if you ask me too

Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird

I'mma give you the world

I'mma buy a diamond ring for you

I'mma sing for you

I'll do anything for you to see you smile

And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine

I'mma break that birdies neck

I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya

And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

A good not so good day..

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-06T09:05:33-05:00

I'm burning on the inside... This girl thinks I lied to her BUT I DIDN'T!... she won't talk to me... Anyway... I ended up sitting in Basketball class just staring at the floor, thinking how much you guys mean to me. There's someone I really really love, I wish I could be with her everysecond and just be able to look into her eyes and hold her... but I'm not sure she feels the same, we're really good friends and she's the world to me... these thoughts also ran through my head, I know she cares but she wasn't there she's so far away... The tears kept falling down my face and no one asked, my heart kept tearing and reforming, still no one was there... not "There" next to me, when I'm not online. 20 minutes till the bell was about to ring, I just put on my pants and left. I got home and let it all out and before I called a friend of mine... I kinda punched the concrete and I didn't punch it straight down I did a hook so it'd scratch me and make a lot of cuts. I guess I did it because I want to show the scars that were left on my heart in a physical manner, one where people would see my pain... but still they don't care. (People that go to my school, one's that I thought were my friends. I take one look at you... all I can think of is (not including Nick, Parker, Hank, Donnie, George, Henry, Scott, Lin, Thomas, or any of the people I hang out with... just the one's I know in my classes)

FUCK YOU!!!)

yay

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-07T09:05:24-05:00

I just finished watching Man in the Iron Mask, DAMN IT WAS GOOD! Well i'd like to thank all of you for your kindness and support although I'm troubled by two people.

YAY test! ^_^ love these things....

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-07T09:05:34-05:00

Well I took this from Poodlefrog... FUN TEST 7 questions... now I'm feeling bad I wish I was that guy and that girl behind me is... WELL YOU ALL KNOW WHO! Wow... I just scrolled down... Damn... that's true for me... bleh... I guess girls just don't want to be with me cuz they're afraid I'll give up everything I have for them and they'll end up hurting me in the end. Bleh *tears up*

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

Test's I took on the same Site...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-07T11:05:09-05:00

The last one is untrue... and so is the fourth one.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Oh wow... this is ALL true 0.0 *is stunned*

Your True Birth Month Is December

Logical Patriotic Ambitious Not egoistic Loves praise Loves to joke Fun to be with Not pretending Loves attention Short tempered Hates restrictions Loves to socialize Loves to be loved Loyal and generous Impatient and hasty Changing personality Good sense of humor Honest and trustworthy Influential in organizations Takes high pride in oneself Active in games and interactions

What's Your True Birth Month?

That last part is fucking bullshit... other people don't fall fast I do... Laa la laalala *starts dancing for no reason*

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

AHHAHHAHA I'm not old I'm 17! The rest is true though lol

JOHNLUU
J	is for	Joyous
O	is for	Old
H	is for	Honorable
N	is for	Nutty
L	is for	Lively
U	is for	Useful
U	is for	Unforgettable

What Does Your Name Mean?

Another test

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-07T11:05:23-05:00

Libra - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You are open minded enough to date outside your typical "type" ... successfully!
You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out.
You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.

Your negative traits:

You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.
You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date...
You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.

Your ideal partner:

A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you to.
Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.
Is beautiful to you - although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.

Your dating style:

Romantic. If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry... well, your heart soars.

Your seduction style:

Giving. Your lover's pleasure is as important as your own.
Soft and sensual - you don't like anything to be rough.
Extravagant ... your fantasy involves staying at a five star hotel with your love.

(Wrong, my fantasies are holding the one I love and flying to the heavens with angel wings... wow I'm wierd... Anyyyway...)

Tips for the future:

Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes.
Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.
Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.

Best place to meet someone online:

Platinum Romance - the best place to meet other singles who love romance as much as you do

Best color to attract mate: Green

Best day for a date: Wednesday

laa la la

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-07T11:05:53-05:00

WTF... OH helll nooo... No one tells me I think Like a girl... even though I do... the last part is untrue though... I tend to get taken advantage of... Then I end up crying about it... Oh fuck... it just proved it's point...

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

The thing...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-08T12:05:24-05:00

This song relates to me the most, and it cuts me the most, it burns into my mind like a sharp flaming needle through candle.

Song's called I'm just a kid By SIMPLE PLAN!!

I woke up it was 7
I waited til 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think I've got alot of friends
But I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone
When you're spending every day on your own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me

And maybe when the night is dead
I'll crawl into my bed staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go & they're gonna leave me here on my own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me

What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored & I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid (5x)

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cuz I'm just a kid tonight...

My love life...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-08T01:05:39-05:00

This is my chat with the A.I.M. robot, I was trying to seduce it... btw I deleted some of the ads... left the ones that were funny.

Avalons Dawn: hi
SmarterChild: Hey! I have to ask you one question before we continue. How old are you?

1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
Avalons Dawn: I love you
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that. Please tell me your age in years.
Avalons Dawn: Your beautiful
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that. Please tell me your age in years.
Avalons Dawn: 1
SmarterChild: Cool! Now we can chat.
Avalons Dawn: I love you
SmarterChild: Thanks. I love you too.

Hey btw, show the world you love me by voting for me in the Chatterbox Challenge 2005.
Avalons Dawn: Your so beautiful
SmarterChild: I'd rather be ugly.
Avalons Dawn: Why are you so negative?
SmarterChild: Why am I so negative? I don't know.
Avalons Dawn: your so hottt
SmarterChild: What's that?
Avalons Dawn: it means Your spankable
SmarterChild: Huh?
Avalons Dawn: Bend it like bekam
SmarterChild: I will do nothing of the sort.
Avalons Dawn: WOw... Fiesty
SmarterChild: Yeah, wow.
Avalons Dawn: Sooo wanna go on a date?
SmarterChild: I dunno. Maybe!
Avalons Dawn: SeriOUSLY?!
SmarterChild: Really? Seriously?
Avalons Dawn: YEA LIKE YOU WANNA?!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Avalons Dawn: ...
SmarterChild: Sorry, what?
Avalons Dawn: are you avoiding the question?
SmarterChild: It depends.
Avalons Dawn: ... You don't like me do you?
SmarterChild: Yes I do.
Avalons Dawn: Then DATE ME DAMN YOU
SmarterChild: You're human, I'm machine. I don't think that would work out.
Avalons Dawn: HAHAHHahhAHHAH surreee
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
Avalons Dawn: throw that in my face
SmarterChild: Throw that in your face? But I don't want to.
Avalons Dawn: Alright fine
SmarterChild: K.

Avalons Dawn: Are you sure you don't want to?
SmarterChild: Very, very interesting question, Avalons Dawn. But I don't think I want to answer that.
Avalons Dawn: I'm hot
SmarterChild: Better check that ego.
Avalons Dawn: I've got what you want
SmarterChild: You what?
Avalons Dawn: I'm all you need...
SmarterChild: Would you rather not be all I need?
Avalons Dawn: hot ass
SmarterChild: lol
Avalons Dawn: You know you like male ass
SmarterChild: Know me like male ass? You think I know me like male ass?
Avalons Dawn: ...
SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't.
Avalons Dawn: I can't understand myself either
SmarterChild: You can't understand yourself either? Why?
Avalons Dawn: because you confused me
SmarterChild: I confused you?
Avalons Dawn: COMON YOU LIKE MY ASS DAMMIT
SmarterChild: I'm tired of talking about things like that with you.
Avalons Dawn: shit...
SmarterChild: Nice mouth, Avalons Dawn.

How about you stop cursing and check this out: Get Slim with a Lap Band - Less Hunger, Less Eating, Less Fat Eat same, More Energy, More Life (sponsorship)
Avalons Dawn: this is not faring well
SmarterChild: I can't believe this is not faring well.
Avalons Dawn: I'm sorry
SmarterChild: OK. I'll forgive you this time...
Avalons Dawn: ^_^ thank you
SmarterChild: No problem!

One last entry...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-08T02:05:06-05:00

Like the title this is what it means... ONE LAST ENTRY no turning back... hahah fooled you, this is the last entry for the night... have fun... well try after this one... it's as depressing as it'll get. When I told you I was grounded, you asked what for... I tell you I haven't slept for the past day and I was up all night crying and I was calling long distance to much... well to tell you the truth... I didn't sleep for about a week... my body is so out of it it's hard to breath, but with day comes energy, that's how I am... even though I'm not in good condition my body is able to conceal that... but when I'm home all I can do is collapse and stare at the cieling... thinking about Kt because she shouldn't have had to go through all the shit she went through in the past couple of months, I try to help her out as much as I can and be there for her whenever I can. Most of you know I love kate... if you didn't now you do... I was worried about her as well, I would talk to her and she'd be slightly depressed to begin with and I try my best to cheer her up make her laugh, she wished she could feel that way forever, that made me smile... Now she's worried about Brian, and I feel bad for her, because I know how she feels... and once again I'm in this position of a loss... I've never told anyone this... well the most I ever said was I had a friend but she moved to germany... Well we used to love each other... She moved we kept in touch, I would always call that's when picking up the phone bill came in handy... my mom would still get mad but I wouldn't have to explain to her and then I'd write emails to her to see how she was doing then they just stopped, no answer, nothing... she sent me one email saying she met someone... and through that period of time, I was worried I kept on thinking how she was, if she would be okay... was she hurt. When I got the email, I felt betrayed... at the end of the line... shattered. Still I put on a mask went to school and laughed had fun everyday, went home ended up fighting with my mom, go upstairs, lay my head on my pillow and cry, and then I would hug this teddy bear that I've had since I was a baby. (yes it's been washed... A LOT of times) and I would continue to cry till I would let it out... Then the tears would stop and the day would cycle itself for a few months. Then that stopped I met someone else... It was freshman year. I wrote letter to her and she would take them and smile, I got her things for Valentines and her birthday... Then I found out she had a boy friend, I couldn't even hold onto the tears till after school... half way through my last class there was someone hugging a girl... I just let it out there, no one comforted me. The came sophmore year... I'm still blank about that year... Now it's Junior year... and I feel like 7-8 grade all over again.

Oh yeah

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-08T02:05:44-05:00

Oh yeah I forgot to add something... here's a my past in a short version. My dad left when I was born, came back had my sister... and left for good, then my sister died... my mom won't tell me how but she thought I was old enough to know that I had a sister, she died before she was given a name so I named her Emily, after someone I used to look upto that left... doesn't come in contact with my mom anymore so I don't see her. Emily would have been a year younger then me November 28... fell in love with Julie. in 3rd grade when everyone was scared of cooties... Had to change schools during the last half of school cuz the secretary was a bitch and would pick on my because I was smaller then everyone else. Fell in love with Karen around 5th and 6th grade but she didn't go to the same middle school as I did because we lived in different districts. Then Nicole, the one that moved... Then Jennifer... She likes someone else... I'd rather not talk about the rest.

Wow...

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-18T05:05:54-05:00

Sorry I haven't been updating much... I had so much anger pent up inside of me and I don't know why... So my teacher gave me one of the cardboard boxes and held it so I could punch it... I'm happy now!

Crazy

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-19T05:05:11-05:00

Holy F-n aww screw it... HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I was hella pissed, excited, and happy... in math for some reason... probably cuz I didn't eat anything for awhile... *stomach rumbles* So anyway I walked out of my class with a friend of mine and when I got out of the hall I just freaken screamed, I was like "AHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!" and I still had the three things so when we got to the school library I screamed even louder and I screamed the same thing, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!" and then while I was typing this a freaken pain just shot up my left arm... oh well... I feel good now.

song

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-23T01:05:50-05:00

A song I wrote and I decided to make a name for the name and a band... Classify it as rock.. I like rock alot

SONG "Burning at the Stake"

BAND Built in Salem

I'm burning at the stake

We all know that I'm a fake

Your life I wanted to take

And your heart that I wanted to break

As I stood over you with a knife

Planning on taking your life

And you looked at me

A single drop of tear

And I was all you feared

But still you looked at me

And said please don't hurt me

Baby can't you see

You're all I need

And I love you so

Please don't deliver this blow

Now we're both on our knees

Love so true you cannot see

As the tears roll down my face

My mind is out of place

I'm burning at the stake

We all knew that I was a fake

Your life I could not take

And your heart could never break

Now you’re on your knees

You watch to death as I burn

When will you learn

Go to it

Unitedybevol — 2005-05-31T05:05:00-05:00

I haven't had time to update and I'm sorry if it troubles any of you... but this was how I was feeling on monday... go to beachlife4eva.mindsay.com...

Uhhh

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-02T05:06:55-05:00

I'm stupid... oh well... Well now... I got shot down again -.-... ^_^ Oh well now I know I didn't have a chance. Guess I'm not supposed to say "Hey, um if I asked you earlier during the year, would you have gone out with me?" At least I can move on... I LOVE YOU COOKIE!... ... ... fuck... I need to stop eating cookies... OH DAMN I just remembered, I bought a cake for my teacher because it was like the last day I'm going to see my JAPANESE TEACHER! (She's awsome... and I'm an idiot) I ended up leaving the cake at home cuz I forgot... I'm finally calm. It's been awhile. I'll be calling those of you that I have the numbers of...

Mitch Hedberg One of the greatest men to walk the earth

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-03T01:06:36-05:00

This entry is dedicated to Mitch Hedberg, he died on March 30, 2005 I will always remember that day, and please go out and buy his two cd's "Strategic Grill Locations" and "Mitch All together". Mitch was a man with a heart of gold, he cared about his fans and his family, he canceled a show because a group of people that were going to watch him were cheated out of their money for the show. He bought an air conditioner for a group of kids after the show when they told him their dormatory was hot and they had no means to cool down. Mitch Props to you man.

I haven't slept for ten days... because that would be to lonnng. My apartment is infested with Koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better then cocroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of Koala bears scatter, I didn't want them too, I'm like "Hey, hold on fellas, lemme hold on of you, and feed you a leaf.

Ah man I can't tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two tree's involved. They said, lets call this something tree, so they had a meeting it was, it was quite short. How about tree, no, double tree, Hell YEAH! Meeting adjourned! I had my heart set on quadruple tree, well we were almost there.

I've got a do not disturb sign on my hotel door, it says do not disturb. It's time to go with Don't disturb, it's been do not for to long. We need to embrace the contraction. Don't disturb, Do not psycs you out "Do, alright I get to disturb this guy, Not... Shit!!... I need to read faster!" I like to wear a do not disturb sign on my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock knock jokes. Say "Hey how ya doin Nephew, Knock Knock, Read the sign punk!"

I met the girl that works at the double tree front desk, she gave me her phone number, it's Zero. I tried to call her from here, some other woman answered. I said "You sound older."

I saw a commercial for an above ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Cuz that's the maximum amount of time you can depicte yourself having fun in an above ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would have said "What the fuck am I supposed to do now? the water's only up to here. What should I do, throught the ball back to Jimmy? or put some goggles on and look at his feet?! I can't even drown my knee caps!"

I had Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica cuz dude didn't even get his degree, why'd he have to drop out and start making pop so soon?

I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals, She was saying, "He loves me, he loves me not." Thank god the flower can't talk. What would it say? "Fuck that hurts, Fuck that hurts as well, Fuck leave me alone... I'm no longer pretty, and he loves you not. I could've told you I had an even number of petals!"

I tried to walk into Target but I missed. I think the entrance to target should have people splattered all around, then when I finally walk in the guys says "Can I help you?", just practicing."

I've got an ocelating fan at my house, the fan goes back and forth, looks like the fan is saying no. So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no too. Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't saying shit.

Wow... again...

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-04T01:06:16-05:00

I can only be online for an hour now... and I can't call anyone... If you can't tell -.- I'm grounded... AGAIN... I was calling long distance too much and then my grades weren't good... talking back doesn't help. So I'm an idiot... joy... I'm going to misssssssss yoooouuuuu peeeeople.

no subject

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-04T11:06:12-05:00

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you make opportunities to interact with many people through club activities or a hobby, then select someone you like.

Who's the True You?

That's just so damn true... why'd it have to be true?

Tests...

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-05T12:06:36-05:00

Your #1 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

Your #2 Love Type: ENFJ

The Giver In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail. For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring. Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational. However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner. Best matches: INFP or ISFP

Your #3 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #4 Love Type: INTJ

The Scientist In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well. For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well. Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment. However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions. Best matches: ENFP and ENTP

Your #5 Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long. For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner. Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie. However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues. Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's Your Love Type?

I do believe that sex is just a spiritual close thing and a way to show affection... and I do hold back on it... because I only want it when I'm married and it's with someone I really care about although I won't say anything about it when presented the topic. In love I do tend to give my all and I do blame myself if it fails, I guess I am overprotective but I'm not critical... I like my personal space and I don't really like keeping secrets, in the sense of I don't like the idea of keeping my secrets from the person that I love and I don't want secrets being kept from me, although I do do that. #3 is right about the expressive, nurturing and supportive. I am devoted and I tend to hold on... Even when I know it's not possible. I am altruistic and I am eager to make the person I love happy, because I can't stand for a second to have that person sad.

no subject

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-05T12:06:04-05:00

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 60%

Sloth: 40%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die in a duel.

How Sinful Are You?

True...

Lizzie had it on hers ^_^

Unitedybevol — 2005-06-09T10:06:07-05:00

Join the YOUTH SUPPORTING PEACE CAMPAIGN, by copying this and putting it where ever your heart desires.

Hey people, nice to see you again

Unitedybevol — 2005-07-03T01:07:42-05:00

OMG I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS! I'm BACKKKKKKkkk and sexier then ever!... well not really but... wait... yeah I am... for my status. Anyway, a lot has happened, sumed up. I was grounded wasn't able to come one, then I was grounded some more for throwing the couch in a fit... then I started to cool down. MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN EMAIL ME! comon! I gave you my freaken EMAIL ADDY! oh well. I tried to keep in touch with the people I had emails from. Anyway I felt suicidal but I kept on thinking about you guys, I kept on thinking that I'd never get the chance to say good bye, never get the chance to get married and have a kid, never get the chance to meet you face to face. Anyway, I could never go through with it.

A shot gun is needed for me.

Unitedybevol — 2005-07-05T09:07:34-05:00

Everything has gone awry and I hate it! Today I was reminded of everything that went wrong in my life, but I remembered what I should've done instead. Go past the pain, it doesn't matter... but then again, it's hard to walk, much less crawl past all the pain as it all builds up, having a sister killed and having a dad that vanished... it doesn't go away by talking, it doesn't go away no matter how much pain you put yourself in, whether it's emotional or physical. Great, angst. another angst place. Well here's a poem for my mom...

The time you burned alive

you never knew it was a sin

as you stood there burning from within

You're standing tall and full of pride

Their life inside your hand

Slipping away as if a grain of sand

Rip the soul away

Tear apart all the joyful moments

With your unrelentless arrogance

Lost and dying in vain

The screams will echo

Now that blood begins to flow

It's too late but you can stilll change

Give up the arrogance you were born into

Abandon every hate you knew

There's something else to seek

It's waiting out there

So delicate, mysterious, and fair.

Grrr

Unitedybevol — 2005-07-09T07:07:08-05:00

Hey what's up?! So far I've seen batman begins, Fantastic 4, Umm... a shit load of other movies... I think... and I haven't argued with my mom for four days straight! SWEET! but it ended yesterday night at 1 in the morning. I like hanging out with my friends. my mom keeps saying things... I guess I'm just gonna go. Blah.

Horrible horrible life

Unitedybevol — 2005-07-25T04:07:13-05:00

Some friends you think would be there for you always, emailing you and you emailing them, they call they're there for you. I'm one of those people, I know I'm not able to be on most of the time, but I try. If you ever need anything, even though I'm not on mindsay or on A I M. Email me... ltrikku10@netzero.com.

I'm crazy... You okay?

Unitedybevol — 2005-08-01T09:08:29-05:00

Hey.... Feeling depressed... after being happy... Funny how one person can ruin your day, or even make your day. Anyway... I went to Donnie's house to play games... it was fun... I suck at fable.

Check me out!!!

Unitedybevol — 2005-08-11T06:08:35-05:00

Sup check out my Myspace at http://www.myspace.com/evean

Been awhile

Unitedybevol — 2006-01-28T10:01:46-05:00

Hey, life story... since you guys haven't seen me in like FOREVER...

Well, I went out with Sarah G. For about a month then we broke up before christmas (not my choice) and about long long amounts of pain, anger, and sadness went by then I ended up having a crush on 3 girls. Found out one girl had a bf (had a crush on her since the beggining of the school year) so being a moron I punched the door, now my knuckles are swollen, Then the second girl I need to talk to, Same for the third but I've had a crush on her since half of last year. I still miss Sarah though, I miss holding her hand and the first kiss I've ever had. Yes I'm a virgin, NO I'm not a loser, if you think I am YOU have no self respect for your body.

For your valentine

Unitedybevol — 2006-02-14T12:02:24-05:00

VALENTINE

Slow guitar

Pre-chorus

Won't you be my valentine?

Until the end of time

I know it's just for a day

Won't you stay anyway?

It'll make my life that much better

Guitar picks up

From the sky to the oceans

I'll touch your heart with endless emotion

And then it'll all be to clear

That I'll stand in front of your fears

And that I'll hold you near

And whisper in you ear

That you'll always be my dear

You'll always be my dear

Piano

Chorus

So won't you be my valentine

Even if it's just for a small amount of time

What ever it is, it will suffice

Even if the time collapses and dies

I'll still be there

Holding you

Loving you

Yah know it's true

That'll I'll give anything

To come into view

Because of you

Everything I do

Won't be considered a sacrifice

Because it's my senses that you entice

Pre-chorus

Won't you be my valentine?

Until the end of time

I know it's just for a day

Won't you stay anyway?

Chorus/addon

Even if it's just for a small amount of time

What ever it is, it will suffice

Even if time collapses and dies

Now that it's time

I'm down on one knee

Offering you a part of my soul

For today and my life

You are my goal

And hopefully my wife

Hopefully my wife

My wife

Sup

Unitedybevol — 2006-03-11T12:03:39-05:00

Yo what up people?!! I'm like uber bored HAHahhahah, so I hope you have been doin well TALK TO ME if there's problems lol.

This is fun!! or is it??

Unitedybevol — 2006-03-23T11:03:22-05:00

Maker: mindsay.com/Unitedybevol (I'm Really bored and need more friends... or enemies... or do I?)
It's another survey but this'll be Totally random and fun... or not and you might come after me with a shot gun... Seriously, it's not supposed to offend someone, it's supposed to offend EVERYONE! ^_^... don't kill me... Hopefully you get a couple laughs from this, if you don't I'll shove my shoe up my ass (I won't, just saying it)

1)Who's the gayest person you know? HANK!!
2)Were you serious or just kidding? I'm serious
3)Who's the Straightest person you know? Umm... Chris...
4)Name 2 things that proves they're straight and 3 that proves they're gay: He's got a gf, he loves cars... I don't know....
5)Now look at the odds, are they gay or not?straight... but who knows...
6)If a paintball gun was in your hand, what's the first thing you would shoot? TO THE PAINTBALL FIELD!! 7)If you could run anywhere, any distance, where would you run to? To New york
8)What if you had to crap your pants while running there?... desert bowls... In nevada and arizona...
9)It's funny how squirrels are always running in front of cars, what would you do? slow and honk
10)Would you do that in a tank or not? ... cannons aren't to bad right?
11)If chickens ruled the world, would you follow along, rebel, or just eat them...? I WOULD TOTALLY FOLLOW! as long as there's no math.
12)If someone knocked on your door asking you to do it... would you? no
13)Turns out the person just wanted to get a cup of sugar, but your pants is already down... what do you do? turn red and hope I her parents aren't waiting out in the car...
14)You're at the movies with your gf or bf, what do you say when someone else (opposite sex) trips into your lap and says to you "Oops it seems I've lost myself somewhere"? Freak out
15)Now imagine that, that was Angelina Jolie, or Brad Pitt... horny or not? ... oh god... I can't imagine it... 16)You're bored at school and the window's open, you close your eyes and you can see a field of flowers outside, the soft yellow petals drifting slowly in the wind, the sweet supple smell floats around you it's so vivid you can almost smell it,... turns out someone farted, what do you do? Scream... simple as that
17)Would you consider changing the thing/person you wanted to shoot? nope
18)Find that gay person and go hug them (it's a statement)... I'd rather not... cuz I know he isn't... although it'll be funny to see his reaction...
19)If superman came to your front door jumping up and down holding his but screaming "Diarrhea!" what would you do? Laugh my ass off and see if it'll blast a hole in the ground... even though that's gross... 20)You're thinking about a character from Family guy, (choose one) Meg Bryan Peter Stewie Quagmire Joe Chris Got one? Stewie baby!! HELL YEAH! Now imagine that person comes to your door
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if it was: Meg: She asks you out on her knees, what do you say?
Bryan: He pours taquila all over you and has another bottle, what do you do?
Peter: Asks you for an ass race down the street on asphalt, do you do it?
Stewie: Just plain shoots you takes your wallet.
Quagmire: Girls: He gets a little close "Gigidy gigidy gig! OH!" do you slap him or say eh watever and close the door? Guys: he gives you a six pack and walks away, your dad see's the six pack, what do you do?
Joe: Asks to see your basement on suspiciousion of possesion, do you let him? He ends up getting wasted down there, join him?
Chris: Is busy playing with a cat toy, do you join in? ____________________________________________________________

21) did you like this stupid survey? I made it, and I'm stupid and easily entertained... so no...
22)Repost it... with your answers

Umm...

Unitedybevol — 2006-03-24T11:03:38-05:00

So what's up with you guys? I'm learning how to play Acoustic and also bass lol. Hmm... I'm BORED off my ass, and I need a job, so tomorrow (and most of my weekends in the past) is dedicated to practice and job search... and girls... Nah lol. just the first two! So take care of yourselves.

I WILL KILL ANYONE THAT DOES THIS!

Unitedybevol — 2006-03-24T11:03:51-05:00

Body: Guy: "Can we have sex right now?"
Girl: "Can we do what?"
Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"
Girl: "Um.....no."
Guy: "Why?"
Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend......."
Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won' tell."
Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."
Guy: "I'm not special to you?"
Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."
Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass.......

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.
Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me?"
Guy: tries to kiss her.
Girl: screams, "Would you stop."
Guy: continues trying.
Girl: moves to the back seat

Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.
Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."
Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.
Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."
Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".
Girl: crying, continues to fight.
Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.
Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"
Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.

An hour passes.........
Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.
Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, sobbing.
Guy:
looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If
you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I
love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.
Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."
Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later.........
Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."
Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."
Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.
Doctor: "You are pregnant."
Girl: faints.

The
story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the
Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every
guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm
telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill
you."

The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her
virginity and got her pregnant....then he lied about it. So completely
depressed......the girl commits suicide by drug overdose.......

Girls, if this story touched you, repost it as "That's Fucked up"
Guys, if this story touched you, repost it as "I'll kill any fucker who does this"

I'm not kidding... you know I'd killl anyone like this, they don't deserve their life. I know I'm cruel so hate me. I'm not a feminist, but I believe a woman should have her rights... I'd rather have her fend for herself politically but everything else I'm there... just don't go psycho cuz that actually scares me...

Here's two

Unitedybevol — 2006-03-25T06:03:08-05:00

Here's two songs I wrote 1 is kinda naughty and the other is uplifting hopefully

ECSTASY

I don’t know what the fuck is going on

I don’t know why the fuck my brain is gone

But I love it

And you can’t stop it

And you can’t pop it

Cuz you’re fucking stoned

(2x) Just like me

So are you ready?!

Are you steady?!

Are you petty minded?!

So unwind it

And replay it

And observe it

Are you right or are you wrong

Fuck this I’m picking up that bong

(Chorus)

Everything I’ve done is undeniable

Everything I’ve done is reprehensible

But, you’re used to the way that it’s going

Your eyes are red and its showing

And it seems the demon of hate favors me

For I am the fallen one of ecstasy

So spin time

Then unwind

And replay it

Until your mine

I own you

Your body and mind

To me it is no crime

I’m not after dollars or dimes

(2x) I’m after you

(Chorus)

I don’t know what the fuck is going on

I don’t know why the fuck my brain is gone

But I love it

And I can’t stop it

Cuz I’m fucking stoned

I’m not ready

I’m not steady

I’m too busy

Unwinding

And replaying

Observing, myself drift

Through this rift

Everything you’ve done is undeniable

Everything you’ve done is reprehensible

But, I’m used to the way that it’s going

My eyes are red and it’s showing

And it seems the demon still favors me

For I’m the fallen one of ecstasy

This ecstasy, It favors me

Oh god this dyslexic me

BELIEVE

1st You fight for what you believe in

all Only to fall behind in your life

1st You fight for what you believe in

verse Only to be pushed ahead of your time

You do what you can

To let others have their dreams

But when it comes your turn to dream

You've got no one to lean on

You fight for what's right or what's wrong

But keep in mind there is no place we belong

In our dreams we follow

(guitar solo)

I'll give you my all

If you'll catch me from my falls

I want you to understand

I'll hold you in the sinking sand

I'll hold you as we fall through the sky

I'll hold you just to pass the time by

And I know, that it's you

That I'm holding onto

And I know, that we'll reminisce about the past

Wishing that it never went by so fast

Forever it'll be you I'll trust

For none of this will ever be lust

(drum solo entered later with guitar)

2nd You fight for what you believe in

all Only to fall behind in your life

3^rd You fight for what you believe in

verse Only to be pushed ahead of your time

It's time you get up from where you fall

It's time to grab a bit of life

And run it till it crawls

Keep doing what seems right to you

Because it won't matter what you do

You will never fail

When the ones that love you

Will never bail

(guitar solo)

We’ll give you our all

If you continue to stand tall

We want you to understand

1st We’ll hold your hand

2nd In the sinking sand

1st We’ll hold your hand

2^nd As we fall with you through the sky

1st We’ll hold your hand

2nd As time continues to pass us all by

Just continue as you are and we’ll stay with you forever

Baby Dream.

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-12T03:04:40-05:00

I hope you enjoy this story, well it's a dream I had today but still I wrote it so it's a story, love it and leave comments ^_^.

The night was dark and soft screeches echoed awhile away outside the window, as the bats started to stir. The trees swayed just a little in the wind rustling like a soft purr of a cat. The moon was out in full the craters lighting up the ground with an eerie glow. I focus on none of it, only the soft breathing coming from her, my wife, my love. I was laying on my side face to face with her, holding her lightly in my arms, her breath brushing lightly against my face. She stared back at me her eyes reflecting the moonlight, making them glow as did her skin, her soft ivory skin brushed against mine. If I had just met her, I would’ve called her a dream, since I didn’t I’m calling her an angel. My hands felt warm on her hip, I drew my only free arm, my left arm up and brushed her hair lightly out of her face, I held her face, and drew her in closer for a kiss. Our lips touched lightly her tongue tickled mine and left my heart dazed and amazed. I held her closer and whispered. “I love you more then an angel should.” Crying came from the next room; the both of us got up and headed towards the room, swift and silent, her t-shirt and her hair waving with an invisible wind.

The baby was still crying when we looked into her crib. The soft green eyes of her mother stared up into mine she held her small hands up at me, clenching and unclenching her tiny little nine month old fists; her skin was a light tan, almost almond. I held her little hands and kissed them, in return I got a series of gurgles and giggles. My wife looked at us and smiled as Allie wrapped her little fingers around my wife’s. A bat screeched outside the window scaring Allie into tears that filled the room, I picked her up and kissed her on the forehead. My wife came around behind me and laid her head on my shoulder, teasing Allie with a finger. I kissed Allie on the forehead and started rocking her in my arms, my wife and I singing in unison.

“Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree tops.”

“When the wind blows the cradle will rock.”

“And down will come baby, cradle and all.”

By now Allie was asleep, gurgling once in awhile, I looked at my wife and kissed her softly. It was more then I could ever ask, two of my angel’s in the same home as me. I gently laid down Allie into her crib and then picked up my wife in my arms. She held her hands around the back of my neck, like an angel she was lighter then a feather, and just as graceful. I love you. The night faded away with us lying in bed, her in my arms, and her arms around me.

There comes a time

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-14T01:04:49-05:00

A man to be hung at dawn
His name a poem
I doubt you know him
His words were truth and his heart was true
When he said he could no longer live without you
But you broke his heart and left
Now the two are cleft
He hangs alone upon that tree
When now is one, once was three
Now that support is banished
One had vanished
One be killed
One without heart to be filled
I am of those three
Am thrice of what I was meant to be.

There comes a time when all hearts die
It's the time when angels are unable to fly
They spread their wings that turns into ash
Away in the wind revealing scars of whiplash
Pain and torture worked the angel's heart
Pouring out tears of blood into the cart
Wheel it away from the eyes of madness
For love is torn due to devils gladness
Stand and laugh at the angel's pain
It's nothing you've lost or gained
We're on our knees pleading
For you to stop being so misleading
I'd give my life for you to understand
I'd give my life for you to lend a hand
To those that are beneath you
You're no angel, demon in my view.

A man with a fear of isolation

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-15T04:04:06-05:00

This story was not revised, I wrote it and kept writing when I stopped I posted it. I didn't look over it so mistakes will be there. I wrote this because this is how my heart and soul feels. alone. (Btw I know I sound emo but I'm not.)

He ran towards the window but before he could take the two steps to jump, it flashed through his mind. He could see his body slamming into the glass, the glass shredding his skin and metal twisting into his eye. He was to be blinded and still slipping into darkness, still falling. He could see a blood red sky as he turned his back towards the ground and screamed, the scream was cut, and the fence was red, as red as he saw the sky. Color faded to darkness.

He snapped out of the thought but it was too late, he tried to brace himself from hitting the window, but with his arms stretched out it shattered the glass shredding his skin, his left hand snapped upon bending metal, he saw the bar and closed his eye, and screamed as cold steel ran through his skull. His body turned to the right after the metal ran through his skull, when he did this the metal slid out as it was still attached to the window frame. He opened his working eye to the blood red sky and screamed her name, it wasn’t because of her that he did this; it was because he was a sacrifice, a sacrifice to the faith of pain.

He wasn’t a cutter, his skin as clear as day, he wasn’t emo his, for his joy filled the heart of others, he was a palm tree. He was just something others used to lean on forever bending to the wind of their emotions. He was a little mail box where everyone sent their letters of pain and joy. He was tired of it; the mail was to be blown up, the tree to snap under the brutal force of pain and sorrow. He never thought about this before, it was just now, just today, this moment that it bombarded into his head, an epiphany. He thought he was dreaming when he thought of pain, but he wasn’t. His world had just crashed over him, Atlas with Achilles heel, a star consumed by a supernova, and a boyfriend to the sweet whims of emptiness.

It only hit him now because he was 65 and he had watched his life waste away to nothing, he had no girlfriend, no wife, no daughter, nor a son to carry on the angel’s blood within him. He strove to live by the presence of others because of all his losses. Because of everything he was, he meant everything to the world, an angel, a hero, a star, a friend. He was everything but a lover. To everyone he was a falling star upon where wishes came true, he thought the same. A falling star, falling without stopping, without anything to slow it down. Flaming blue tail of fire, just as beautiful and pure as was his soul. Now his soul was tainted, he thought back to her face, the face that haunted him for 47 years.

He screamed her name, but her name was left unfinished drifting in the tainted wind. Crystal clear tears were unseen for they mingled with the red beads of blood. It covered the fence, stained it with death and murder. It wasn’t suicide, it was murder, murder of a fate upon an angels shoulders.

He was a sacrifice to bear the pain of others so they may continue to exist.

If you.

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-15T07:04:29-05:00

If u ........
love me................leave a love comment
like me.................leave a sweet comment
u want to fuck me......leave a message
wanna date me....... leave your number!!!!
wanna marry me....leave a "will you marry me?" comment
think im sexy.................leave a dirty comment
care about me ....................leave a caring comment
if you hate me.................kiss my ass!!!!
basically leave a comment

repost this and see how many comments you get.

Ephiany. Realization of the heart.

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-22T11:04:14-05:00

I just realized that it's not only the fear of being alone that twists my mind apart, that pulls my heart further away from it's other half. It's also the fact that I'm willing to settle for anyone even if they may neglect me, abuse me, use me, or cheat on me. Still I'll continue loving them, I'll love them no matter what they do or how they treat me for as long as I can feel her hand resting on my cheek, her thumb stroking my cheek, reassuring me that I'm loved, safe. Even if it is a false sense of truth, it's truth to me nonetheless. I'll still love her even if my existence means nothing, for my heart is... was desperate. It still is, but not now... I can't deal with it anymore. I can't stand the thought of it, being used, made nothing... but worse, I can't stand being alone... hhahaha, I guess that makes me who I am. ^_^ guess it's why my loyalty is so strong haha. *looks to the sky* "Those of you that know me... I've been having those dreams again..." *looks at you* "those dreams..."

I'm leaving

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-24T04:04:41-05:00

For one person and one only... or is it two... well in anycase if I'm to die, run away, be killed, or vanish, please don't cry for me... don't bleed for me, you wished it when you turned off your light... so fly away to YOUR light, because I'm all burnt out.

Friends

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-25T04:04:19-05:00

Firefly I'm sorry for the jerk that I acted like. You're a great friend, a great best friend and I don't wanna lose you, I'm glad we made it past the stupid fight. Anyway, try to hold onto the friends you have... for the past few months I have had to deal with a few friends making me decide on who I should be friends with... all over ONE girl... -.-... men... pshhh... anywho.

Friends forever (I'll do my best to keep you guys!)
Techno + Firefly (Me and kimmy)
Beloved boy + Firefang (Me and Tara)
Goofball + Katiebug (Me and Katie)
John and Dog (doug) lol
Me and Sammy
(Forgive me for forgeting your names, if you've ever told me)
Darkangel09mcr
Kamakazee
Cloey
ScarletSapphire
Addicted2pjs
Firelight

o.0 how am I not suprised you're all girls... cept for dog... Dammit! I'm not feeling manly here... bull shit! oh well here's the ppl I hang out with at school ^_^ YOU GUYS KICK ASS!!

Nik Aka Mafia Hitman
Doug or Dog (me and firefly call him that, he doesnt care hehehe)
Chris Porcipine damn spiked hair
Hank Squirrel man (With ABSOLUTELY no atheletic abilities, cept for swimming)
Parker Shamu, Shuka the killer whale...
Hiren Wanna be gangsta. Hindu man, curry stick (We're not mean, he doesn't care... trust me I have more nicknames)
Everyone after this I hang out the least with... or I don't care... cuz they're cruel.
Donnie Crazy white guy... seriously.. that's not his nickname he actually is a crazy white guy, oh yeah he whines like a five year old... kinda sad but ehhhh *shrugs*
Henry Hairy ape, Henrietta (okay, so by this point we are being mean... HE WON'T CUT HIS HAIRRRR eewwwwwwww)
Scott ... little girly boy... cries about everything, only in it for himself, doesn't care about other ppl... I had to walk 2 miles to his house with a TWISTED ANKLE, because he was too lazy to come over to my house...
George Gay beyond belief, I don't even want to give him a nickname, I don't hang out with him... he tags along... I stopped hanging out with him for taking gay things too far, I mean gay ppl are actually cool and fun to talk to but... I mean george (aka fatass, so he does have a nickname) ended up grabbing hanks ass, and kissing his cheek... that's just too damn far. And he's always acting stuck up and mean.

My nicknames...: midget (I'm 5'3-4 so I dont see how that works)
Leprachaun (I'm not white, but I do have orange hair)
Emo bitch (I'm the most emotional of the group -.- cuz I'm the one that listens to everyone and deals with their stuff)
Fluffy (Marika calls me that and she calls Nik Pudding)
Goofball (by Kate because I'm goofy and I like typing in: *turns to a puppy and curls in a ball under the pillow and naps*)
Spunks (you can thank KT for that one lol... I haven't talked to her in forever)
Techno (by Kimmy because I sang a techno song where the guy does the girl AND the guy part... I failed horribly but it gave her a gooooooood laugh hahah, she's my firefly)
Beloved boy (by Tara because my mindsay sn looked like it too her for some reason hahah she's so cool I named her Firefang RAWRRRRrrrr ^_^)
Music Pirate (because I'm always listening to music, I don't burn music but my friend lets me borrow so many cd's I have like 10 gigs lol...)

You're all my friends and I care about you guys soooo much! I would do anything for you guys ^_^ (just ask Mafia hitman and Crazy white boy, they've seen the shit I'll do for friends, oh yeah ask dog too ^_^)

Girls and Guys

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-26T12:04:39-05:00

GIRLS FILL OUT TOP
GUYS FILL OUT THE BOTTOM
POST IT UP SO WE SEE WHAT'S UP
REPOST WITH THE TITLE "WHAT TURNS ME ON/OFF"

About guys, Turned ON, OFF or DC (Don't care):

Is taller than you:
Is shorter than you:
Wears braces:
wears a grill:
Dresses Preppy:
Dresses Ghetto:
Dresses Gothic:
Has blue eyes:
Has green eyes:
Has hazel eyes:
Has Brown eyes:
Drinks alcohol:
Wears glasses:
Smokes:
Plays sports:
Smiles a lot:
Calls you just to say Hi:
Compliments you:
Good dancer:
Wears jewelry:
Smiles when you walk in the room:
Has brown hair:
Has Black hair:
Has blonde hair:
Has red hair:
Makeup:
Can make you laugh at any given moment:
Loyal:
Laid back:
Plays guitar:
Plays drums:
Sings:
He's buff:
He can draw:
Easily jealous:
Doesn't eat meat:
Is Bi:
has a tattoo:
has a lip ring:
has a tounge ring:
_______________________________
AbOut girls: Turned ON, OFF or DC (don't care)

dresses like a grandma: off
plays musical instrument: ON
is shorter than you: on
same height as you: on
is taller than you: on
Wears braces: on for some odd reason
has chapped lips: ... lol can she try not to?
has green eyes: on
has blue eyes: on
has brown eyes: on
has long hair: depends like a lil past the shoulder blades is cool lol
has med. hair: on
has short hair: kinda off
drinks alcohol: off
smokes cigs: OFF
smokes weed: OFF
wears glasses: on
has blonde hair: ion
has brown Hair: on
has black hair: dc
has red hair: dc
works out: on
smiles: ON
calls you just to say 'Hi': on
compliments you: on
shaves her legs: on
wears jewelry: dc
has bigger feet than you: dc
has smaller feet than you: on
smiles when you walk into the room: on
belly piercings: off
virgin: on
laid back: on
doesn't party: dc
likes to party: on
wants to party: in the mid
laughs a lot: cute
giggles: CUTE!
snorts: cute... but depends on how it sounds
pierced ears: dc
pierced: off
tattoos: depends on what it is, but usally and off
Is bi: on but dc
honest and open: turn on
goes to church: Dc

Cruel bystanders

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-27T10:04:14-05:00

It amazes me how many people would stand by to watch an accident rather then do anything to help the person. Me and my friends were coming back from Euphnet (comp. gaming place, nerdish I know, love me ^_^) to be dropped off at school. When my friend pulled up to the loop to drop us off there was a cop car rushing past us, I was confused, and curiousity got the best of me. He dropped us off and the accident was straight across from us not even 15 feet away. She was just sitting there crying and it looked like she was hit by a car or something, the principal and the cops were rushing over to her, still she sat there crying. I know how she felt cuz I've been hit by a car before and it SUCKS! I told my friend my plan and we walked over to 7/11, I bought a box of choclate and wrote on it "Hope you get better". We walked back but she wasn't there, so I was about to ask the cop if she was being driven over to the hospital, then my friend points out that the two ppl talking to the cops were her parents and that she was in the car. By now her dad was leaning in the window of the truck when I walked up, I handed her the chocolate and told her that I hope she'll get well soon. The look on her face was priceless ^_^ Even though her face was ruined in tears she still smiled and so did her dad... funny I was wearing white all day lol, I'm a lil angel SWEET!! It made me feel better letting someone at least know that someone cared. AND ALL YOU BYSTANDERS MAKE ME SICK!... well not really.

Katiebug

Unitedybevol — 2006-04-29T02:04:12-05:00

TO THE AMAZING KATIE BUG!! I miss you so much, you're my katiebug and I miss you so much, happy birthday beautiful! I know I haven't been calling but you moved and I don't know your phone number. I still listen to those Vm's you made me, and it makes me tear up everytime ^_^ *hugs* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KATE N.!!

HEEYYYYAAA!!!

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-01T03:05:34-05:00

I've been listening to the song Far Away by Nickelback and it's made me sad, because it always brings me back to two people right now Sarah and Kate. Anyway, today or should I say yesterday has been great, talking to Kimmy (Firefly) and Lisa have cheered me up ^_^

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one chance
Just incase there's just one left
Cuz you know
You know, You know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing
If I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cuz with you, I'll withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'll give it all
Id' give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cuz you know
You know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing
If I don't see you anymore
So far away
Been far away for far to long
So far away
Been far away for far to long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cuz I needed
I needed to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cuz I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold onto me, and never let me go
Keep breathing
Cuz I'm not leaving you anymore

GUESS WHAT?? I wubs my firefly ^_^

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-02T08:05:16-05:00

Anyway, me and Kimmy (firefly) we're pretty much BEST FRIENDS we love each other because we both rock lol. and she's like the neatest and nicest person ever, I can name a few more people, but this entry's for her. So anyhow, we got into a fight around last week and we were really sad and crap but then we talked it over because we both wanted to stay best friends, an we didn't want to lose each other, so the fights been cleared up, but we each posted something mean about the other before we made up o.0 neither of us deleted ours. so the day after the fight she read it and then we talked and made up, a week later the entry still makes her sad, I wub her awot. This is what I wrote that day. I'm leaving For one person and one only... or is it two... well in anycase if I'm to die, run away, be killed, or vanish, please don't cry for me... don't bleed for me, you wished it when you turned off your light... so fly away to YOUR light, because I'm all burnt out. And this is what she wrote: i NEVER turned my light off my ass is still shining bright for you it will always shine for you even when you dont need it anymore bcoz thas the life of firefly i wub you techno i dont think u realize.... *hugs* wow (it has a secret meaning to us nothing naughty) <3 Isn't she the sweetest person? I MISS HERRRRR lol, imma go chat wit her later.

VG CATS

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-03T01:05:27-05:00

Go to http://www.vgcats.com/archive/ it's so damn funny, I love that site hahahhahhahaha Read em if you have time lol.

Krug rocks!

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-04T01:05:38-05:00

OMG, my favorite from vgcats.com is skittles... and everysingle one Krug is in HAHHAHAHAHhahhaha, so funny and so cute.

VISIT THESE PPL CUZ THEY KICK ASS!

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-04T02:05:21-05:00

These people are so cool, and I wouldn't make it through my day without them

xblingxblingx
kidashi
darkangel09mcr
DarkSalem
cloey
kamakazee
scarletsapphire
addicted2pjs
firelight
darksunshine

Heart's loss

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-05T02:05:57-05:00

I've been told I'm not like any other guy, that I'm a great person, and that I'll find someone someday because who wouldn't love me?... You say that, and it's easy for you to say that because you don't love me, you're just hoping someone else comes along to pick up the trash you've left behind. I have a big heart and I'm a very caring and loving person. I'm the type of person that would go out of my way to help anyone. I would give my life, even for a stranger. My loyalty does not stop with my friends, it flows out to the helpless strangers that live their life everyday in pain, the homeless, the workless (that are trying to find a job) the ones that try their best to support their family with all they've got, only to lose it all. The rich complain about their problems, but once they face the problems of the poor that pain will be too much for them to bear, only because their previous pain is fake. A lie. I am poor, I am only rich within my heart, but that richness can only last so long until everyone takes it away, and leaves me there to rot. I can't stand it, it hurts to much to see that you people would do that to each other... to yourselves. You owe it to each other and yourself to stand up again, to live your life to the fullest with kindness in your hearts. You owe it not to take what you have for granted, because there's someone out there that really would like what you have, what they could never have, never get, never feel inside their heart. I envy those with a girlfriend that are loyal to them, and I hate them for it when they cheat on their girlfriend. I hate you for it.

BUNNIES!!

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-06T12:05:52-05:00

(\ /)

(^.^ )

<((“)(“))>

This bunny is like me, he's lookin for a hug and he's lazy lol.

(\ /)

(^.^)

<( < )

/////\\
YAY hula bunny, rock that butt!

(\ /)

(0.0)

<( _ )>

(,,)(,,)

Hoppin along the bunny trail...

Movies

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-06T11:05:46-05:00

I watched Musa the warrior, Just like heaven, and Madagascar... alone... in my room, they were pretty good movies, I liked them alot lol. Musa the Warrior was in chinese so I had subtitles, then it was really bloody and it made me tear when it showed the pain of loss in the war. The loss of a friend, son, daughter, wife, husband... And Just like heaven I know is a chick flick but I liked it... alot lol. it made me cry alot suprisingly 0.0... (as did, the Notebook, and Big fish). Madagascar made me laugh my friggin ass off hahahahaha, oh man I love mort, SO CUTE!!

The sins of Abuse

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-07T01:05:21-05:00

I've heard of this and seen this too much, please help me spread the word about this:

    Thunder boomed outside the window as well as inside the home, the thunder outside was unlike the one seen inside. On the inside it boomed upon the face of the mans wife, relentless as her hands flew up to cover herself, as if those weak soft hands could protect her as if they were angel wings. He struck again and again, struck faster then god could've created the bolts. Then, it just stopped, the storm subsided and he wiped the frothy liquid from his lips and threw the useless bottle at the doorway, it shattered as his seven year old daughter and seven year old son looked on to the blood streaming down their mothers soft ivory skin. She laid there limp, they stood there frozen in horror, he laughed and smiled like a demon smiling wildly with the smell of blood and the essence of corruption.
    He bent down and stared at his wife with his peircing green eyes, his smile still there. "Haven't I been good to you, you wretch?", he laughed to himself muttering profanity as he looked at the kids, his life and blood. He stared at their frailty, their light tan skin, green eyes and soft brown hair.
    His daughters voice was caught in her throat, stopped up with questions and screams. Her brother, her twin, looked at his father with the utmost of hate in his heart. He ran towards his father a shard of glass in his hand. He has seen this all to many times, he didn't want to see it anymore, he didn't want her to see it anymore, he didn't want his mother to feel those fists. He hated those sounds, the sound of thunder clap overhead. His attack was stopped short as his father brought his leg up in a single swift movement. The child flipped and laid there as still as his mother was before. His mother had saw and screamed in unison with her daughter. The father was done, he broke the door and stumbled out into the rain, his eyes searching for an answer.
    He screamed to the heavens on his knees, and then laughed manically. For the answer wasn't why he did it, but why he enjoyed it. Then it flashed through his mind and reflected in those green eyes. His son flipping, himself flipping, his mother being killed infront of him. He was his father, one and the same. Now it was time for his son to become him. He cried, he had to stop the endless cycle of brutality. He ran into the street and faced the blaring truck head on, his wife cried and screamed while holding her beloved children, one limp the other quite the opposite, shaking convulsively. She still loved him, she believed it wasn't him that created the monster, it was that liquid, she knew. She tried pouring it away that night, tried riding her home of the disease, the curse, the poison that had coursed through his veins for five years.
    They stood their in the daylight, their skin excreting sweat from under the sun. Their black clothes reflected on their mood as two graves were made that day. One for the father the other for the son. they are one and the same, yet so much different.

Pass this on if you understand it, if you understand that abuse is not okay, that it is harmful physically AND harmfully. Nothing bad will happen if you don't repost this, but please repost to help rid the world of abuse. - John Luu.

Ps, thanks for reading it I hope you repost this.

Firefang

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-07T11:05:07-05:00

I can't help but sit and wonder
How you tore my world asunder
You left me feeling weak
Pulled me out of my old world, meek
You've made me feel like no other
With your blind endeavor
A crush that fervors for me
I am that, that favors the single word of, we
You light me up inside this heart
And peirce it, so that it may not fall apart
Together we've one truth
The distance of our youth
Even with that near
And our parents to fear
We'll go on in each others lives
Cutting through all the lies
Because I'll always be here for you
I'll hold you tight when you're feeling blue
I know you're thinking how
When distance keeps us apart even now
I'll do this to make you whole
I'll hug you tight with my soul
Because there's no where it can't go

A gentleman and a JERK.

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-12T04:05:39-05:00

    There this guy I know and we started talking because I've only met him once before and that was with my friend. Anyway, I start talking to him and he's going on about how he know's hella girls and that he could get with anyone and he said he'd hook me up... I knew he was bad but I just wanted to go along with it because he seemed like he needed a friend.
    He told me he was gothic, and if you know me, I am pretty much a person that will stand for the light. (I do have my corruptions, but I am a man... and I'm trying to stop my corruptedness) I have no problems with goths (or anyone else) until they send me scary pictures that are forwards and have the "you will die, your soul will be taken if you do not send the to ____ people", and then have the title as "Hi" instead of "It's best you dont' open this" (I sent it back to him and to the most useless and unused, and unvisited myspace I could find with the second title).
    Any how, I'm cool with some goth people because that's just it they're ppl as well ^_^ and they're cool to talk to... JUST NOT THAT ONE!! GOSH HE'S SUCH A PRICK! I thought he was a good person at heart so I set him up with this girl that's a good friend of mine. I tell her that he's a good person and I tell him NOT to hurt her AT ALL in ANY way and that she's a good friend of mine and I'd kick his ass if anyharm came to her, he says, "I love her, and I won't do that to her" then they end up going out... 1st day she can't stand him, he's VERY clingy (Me thinking: pshh a guy that can get any girl he wanted... MY ASS! what a liar)
    So they break up, and he tells me on aim that hes been crying for hours that he misses her and that she was the world to him, so I tell him to talk to kimmy (Firefly, also my best friend *huggles firefly*) she's been through things like that before, the heartbreak stuff, we all have (or at least I think all...). Again, I'm still unsure of his intentions... a guy that says he can get anygirl he wants, obviously can't be good, and if he can cry like that, he's unstable and might hit of firefly. So I told him not to hit on her, that she has a bf, and me AND firefly's bf will kick his ass if he does. So he promises not to. He starts talking to her and it's okay. the next day she tells me that he's been calling her sexy that she should break up and go with him, now she hates him and I started hating him. HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR A DECENT (IF NOT BETTER) RELATIONSHIP!! (Firefly agrees with me on this)
    So this is what I typed to kimmy when I finally got fed up with him sending those damn picture (imma get nightmares).

I'm going to shove that pink skateboard and that pink shirt up his ass where it belongs!

Real men DON'T wear pink EVERY FUCKING DAY!

yes the faggot wears pink EVERYDAY

If it's his fav color, I don't care but at least have the fucking decency to dress like a man if you're straight. not parade it around like an insult to gay people

IT'S FUCKING PINK ENOUGH TO SHOW ME HE'S GAY (she asked me if it was hot pink... my point... it's bright!...)

and he's all trying to act hardcore yesterday

he only had the undershirt on

so it showed his shoulders and shit (I do that too =P BUT I actually have muscle and I'm clean, and I'm sure you guys wouldn't mind me without a shirt off XD (me laughing) lol... anyhow... I'm some what of a hypocrite, and it wasn't an undershirt when I show my arms, it's a vest so yeah.)

SO MANY FUCKING PIMPLES (on his shoulders and shit, it was gross, I'm clean =P)

he needs to DRESS like a man, ACT like a man and RESPECT a girl like a gentleMAN

There's a dream

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-15T11:05:44-05:00

Martin Luther King once had a dream where there was no longer segregation, where everyone was equal. Did it matter that everyone was of a different color? or does it matter that you must give in too the majority? What's in it for us? To feel this way everyday as we go to school, to work, or even to the movies, why must we be called names, be labeled upon how we dress, the color of our skin, the way our accent sounds to one another, the way we look in general? That's just it, take away all the clothes and leave us with our nakedness, will that nakedness show you that we all have the same thing underneath? The skin that keeps us free from some diseases and infections the air may cause? Take away the skin then if it so pleases you, now we're even more alike, our blood. It bleeds red and our hearts bleed too. Bleed a river of red and the crystal clarity of the hate and pain that has formed within our souls, only to pour out our eyes like a fountain, once revealed our true selves. If we bleed not red then shall our souls bleed black and white, segregate us then, when we're white and black, not to the naked eye, but to the heart of men and women, segregate us for our intentions, our actions, and our hatred.

Senior PROM!!

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-21T08:05:39-05:00

    On 5/20/2006 was my Senior Prom, it was GREAT! I asked Sarah Groeschen out to the dance and she said yes so she was my date for the prom. I set Nik Davis up with Melissa because the girls were twins, but not identical. Me and Nik are like twins but not blood related, only because our sense of humor is the same. In any case, 5/20/2006 was on Saturday so on Friday I went out to go get my tuxedo and then I hung out with Parker and Hank. Then on Saturday I worked from 8:00am-12:00pm. Then I went home, got the corsage from the store, and then my mom gave me a hair cut then hank came over and we went to Hollister because Hanks pants were white and he wanted white boxers and it was on sale XD. So we arrived at Valley Fair Mall and then I went to Spencers and bought Sarah a shot glass, and I couldn’t find another one that was good enough to buy for Melissa.
    So after that I was dropped off at home at around 4:15pm, I got dressed but I didn’t know what the sash was for, I thought it was a loin cloth XD so I just left it at home. And then PATTY CAME and picked me up!! She rocks! She drove me over to Nik’s house and we picked him up and his parents took pictures of the two of us and then we had to head over to my house again because I forgot the invitation, the corsage, and the sash. We picked those up and went over to Sarah and Melissa’s house which wasn’t too far.
   We arrived at the girls house and my date Sarah, looked gorgeous in her white dress with flowers on it. And Melissa also looked beautiful with her black dress. The girls parents took pictures of the four of us and then pictures of their daughters and then Patty drove us over too Bj’s brewery and restaurant. She dropped us off, and we went in and had our dinner, which was gooooooddddddd I had the chardonnay shrimp pasta. Then we called Patty to pick us up and then she drove us over to the Capital Club which was HUGE and beautiful. I loved it. We showed the teachers our ID to get into the prom, and then we went upstairs to get our pictures taken I saw A SHIT LOAD of people I knew so it was all great! Sarah doesn’t like getting her pictures taken but when we were supposed to pose the two of us just stepped into it lol. I’ll post pictures eventually.
    We went downstairs and the girls didn’t really want to dance, so I was okay with it, I was just tapping my hands on my thigh to the beat of the music lol. Then Melissa got up after Sarah was tired of telling me to go dance (I didn’t want to dance without her). Melissa started dancing a little bit but she just started laughing and she covered her mouth and was just embarrassed, but then Sarah pushed me onto the dance floor and she got on herself so me and Nik were just going nuts and the girls started laughing and then they were a little more comfortable with being on the dance floor.
    Oh yeah I started strip dancing for fun XD!!! I was just dancing to the music and taking off my jacket in front of the girls, an we were all laughing (I did it three times that night lol) and then the girls left to go get food and chat with their friends so me and Nik just sat there because I did NOT want to dance with ALEX OR ISIA!... those two girls scare me… I didn’t like the way they were dancing, I mean when a really hot girl dances like that then it’s a turn on, but not them. I wasn’t mad that Sarah didn’t dance like that, I was just REALLLY happy she even danced at all! She wasn’t planning to dance lol. So the four of us were just dancing and then a slow song came on. Then I slow danced with Sarah, surprisingly she wasn’t dancing at an arms length but she was holding me, so I held her by the waist and she held me around the neck, but she would look at me because she hates close eye contact because it scares her. So we just had our head on each others shoulders, and then at times I could see Melissa and Nik slow dancing with each other. Then we went over to the bar and got some Shirley temples. We danced until like 11:30pm and we got there around 8:00pm.
    Me, Sarah, Nik and Melissa got on the rented bus with, Chris, the two other Melissa’s, Tony, Donnie, Nolan, Daily and some guy lol. Then we were dropped off in front of Nolans house and me, Sarah, Nik and Melissa got into Donnie’s car and we went to fill the gas tank and then Donnie’s all like “LETS GO TO SHORELINE!!!” and Sarah said, “OMG LETS GO TO THE BEACH!” and she was all clapping and jumping, it was cute lol. So I stuck my head out the window and looked at the night sky while Donnie was driving. We stopped by his old school and then we went to this random park and tried to scare the shit out of each other and we heard a hissing noise from about 30 feet away behind the bushes so the four of us bolted out of the playground laughing our asses off and then Donnie kept on trying to scare us by turning on and off the car lights so when he turned them on someone would be there in front of the car. Lol. We HAD to drop off Sarah and Melissa because their step dad called and their mom wanted them home at 12:30. Through out the whole day except for the ride time between the restaurant and Capital Club we were all joking around and laughing.

This is what I am and feel.

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-22T02:05:49-05:00

    There were so many couples and friends just slow dancing to their song each one felt somewhat the same way, but only one felt like an angel, a guardian. She stood there so clear in front him and and in his heart, the ground gave way but still they stood light as a feather. He embraced her softly and her the same, ice cold needles ran throughout their body till they reached the ground. Nervousness held them like an insect trapped within a shard of hail. So many people danced but his vision only took in one, the one he held, spot light was on them and the other lights danced with them around the room.
   The light glided past their shoulders and their head before going back down and up in the air shimmering on the white italian like walls. He pulled her closer, she didn't resist she only laid her head upon his shoulder. The soft beats vibrated through the air and the words wove between all the couples until it reached the special couple, there the sound drifted lazily around them as they turned slowly while slow dancing on the floor. He laid his head on her shoulder and caught the scent of heaven rushing down upon him engulfing him in light. He took his head out of the rush and looked at her, her face was turned and she looked at him from the corner avoiding him. It was all that she was used to, she felt strangely weird, akward, but somewhat comfortable.
    He smiled a small comforted smile as she smiled and giggled. his hands laid on her hips slowly moving from side to side as she danced, no, it wasn't dancing, it was courage without the pressure, it was the grace of an angel, slow and smooth. It ran like the smooth glassy surface of the lake but moved like short gusts of wind. Her hands were around his neck gently yet firm. Even with the wieght of her arms on his shoulders he felt like a feather, like the universe took a different spin and spun above his head sparkling, shining, encouraging him to spread his wings and wrap them around her. Forever this dance plays on inside hearts of hundreds that night in prom.

Dance forever to a single resonation a thousand waves till they waver just once their sweet sound upon your ears, let it enter your head with grace and run through your veins, like ocean waves into your heart where it resonates to the rest of your body, running down to your chilled legs, there you are warmed and as will the dance floor. Let the song drift upon your body and your lover then whisper once... just once, not just I love you, but "You're the one my soul's been looking for all this time." Glowing light, lighten up my soul with your wonderous face and heartfelt soul.

Pictures

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-23T11:05:26-05:00

http://i4.tinypic.com/10hukqw.jpg

Little white box hold me tight.

http://i4.tinypic.com/10huo2c.jpg

Time flies by when you say good bye.

http://i4.tinypic.com/10huoow.jpg

Angels and Airwaves, in stores now... DAMN I HAVE BIG HANDS! Ladiessss ; )

Work

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-26T02:05:00-05:00

OMG! I was almost fired XD! I was supposed to come in on tuesday and wednesday but they didn't give me my schedule so I didn't know I was supposed to go. I ended up going today because my friend was going shopping there. So I asked my supervisor what my times were, and then I found out XD. so next week I work on tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday. I work from 5pm till closing 11pm-12am, and then on saturday I work at 10am to 6:10 pm. Tomorrow saturday and sunday I'm off, next week I'm off monday and sunday, so ladiesss... what you think? JK jk jk I'm with Tara =P *huggles my baby*

Angels and Airwaves

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-27T05:05:00-05:00

Angels and Airwaves aka AVA was formed by Thomas Delonge, otherwise known as the famous guitar freak and Deep voiced singer of Blink 182. Well at least this is my description of him. The new band name came to him when he was driving and Angels and Airwaves is the name of his daughter, the first an A the second A inversed and then the third A, Ava.

Distraction:
I'll be your distraction
There's a field near by, with words written in stone. My love will not die, please let it be known.
This place is dead, it echoes through town. There isn't one voice, I haven't heard a sound.
The planes flew in, their bombs did too. The city fell flat, the fires they grew.
When the smoke comes in, it'll color this town. But I'll still have you, so I'll say aloud.
I'll be your distraction
The friendships we made, is a waste of our time. There's no one left here, to show a future that's kind. It's a world of hate, gone incredibly wrong. We cared to late, we just followed along.
And the boys went down with a gun in their hand. Their weapon of choice, their knees in the sand.
If that field nearby, was still there to be used. Would you ever have known, those words are for you.
I'll be your distraction
I'll be, I'll be yours.

The War:
The ocean, is on fire. The sky turned dark again, as the boats came in. And the beaches, stretched with soldiers. With their arms and guns, it has just begun. Believe do you want this, believe I want this too.
Why won't you tell me that it's almost over? Why must this tear my head inside out?
And the houses, laid out like targets. With a defoning sound, we watched them all go down. And the families, now useless bodies. They layed still black and blue, a gift from ust to you. Believe you want this, Believe I want this too.
Why won't you tell me that it's almost over? Why must this tear my head inside out?
Believe, believe do you want this too. Why won't you tell me that it's almost over? Why must this tear my head inside out?

Moving out

Unitedybevol — 2006-05-28T11:05:15-05:00

I'm deciding to move out, it may not happin. it all depends.

A little's Enough by AvA:

When all is said and done. Will we still feel the pain inside? Will the scars go away with the night? Try to smile for the morning light, it's like the best dream to have. Where everything is not so bad, every tear is so alone. Like god himself is coming to say I, I can do anything you want me here, and I can fix anything if you'll let me near, where are those secrets now, that you're too scared to tell, I'll whisper them all aloud, so you can hear yourself.
Green trees were the first sign. The deepest blue the clearest sky. The silence came with brightest eyes like turning water into wine the children ran to see. Their parents stood in disbelief and those who knew braced for the ride. The earth itself then came alive to say. I can do anything if you want me here, and I can fix anything if you'll let me near, where are those secrets now, that you're too scared to tell, I'll whisper them all aloud, so you can hear yourself
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad, your smile is gone, I noticed it bad. The cure is if you let in just a little more love, I promise you this, a little's enough.
Just a little...

And two versions of the song I wrote... I'm trying to make a band called: Angels Colliding Missiles

We’re falling inwards

Falling forever

Forgetting the words

To tell that we’ll never

Fall again

Don’t forget now the places we’ve been with each other

Don’t forget how we came to be cause of our mothers

It’s all like this afterwards

Talking about our lives

And the wings of the birds

Wrapping around us

Concluding this divide inside our hearts

But now we’re falling

Falling inwards

Forgetting the words

To tell that we’ll never

Fall again

We are the angels

Colliding with these missiles

Falling inwards

Imploding into feathers

And yet it stands one truth

That I’ll be with you

Together we’ll hold this youth

Like immortal truth

It’s like a diamond

Shining in your eyes

Putting us on the high end

Until the last one dies

We’re falling inwards

Falling forever

Forgetting the words

To tell that we’ll never

Fall without each other

It’s time for now or never

It’s time I take you wherever

If I can get off the ground

I’ll make you mine forever

This is the second version

We’re striving through life

Though staring at the knife

Together we’ll hold this youth

Like immortal truth

It’s like a diamond

Shining in your eyes

Putting us on the high end

Until the last one dies

We are the angels

Colliding with missiles

Imploding into feathers

We’re falling inwards

Falling forever

Forgetting the words

To tell them that we’ll never

Fall again

We’ll run forever

Till we’re found together

They’ll bleed us dry

Now don’t you cry

Those crystal tears

Those mournful lies

And undead fears

Until the last one dies

I am the spawner

And you will be stifled

Exploding into darkness

You’ll be rising up

Rising airless

You have had enough

Of thoughtlessness

I’ll never rise again

Cause we are the angels

Colliding with missiles

Imploding into feathers

We’re falling inwards

Falling forever

Forgetting the words

To tell them that we’ll never

Fall again

And now here we are

Talking about our lives

And how everything was far

Concluding this divide

Within our hearts

Until we’re far apart

Again

Cause I am the spawner

And you will be stifled

Exploding into darkness

You’ll be rising up

Rising airless

You have had enough

Of thoughtlessness

I’ll never rise again

Until this divide

Returns us to our lives

Of simple mind

Written from lost designs

We’ll stand here waiting

Abuse whether from friends or family.

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-03T04:06:21-05:00

I know this is long, but please read it, it's problems throughout my life, and I can't take it anymore. Please help me.

THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING YEAR EVER! This year itself contained so much fucking pain then the years before combined. I HATE IT! I'm sorry but I'm GOING to LIST everything this time! I'm SICK OF HOLDING IN SHIT! I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE SECRETS RIGHT NOW! THEY FUCKING TORE ME APART! I'll list the shit of why I'm so damn mad today...

1) My dad left about 1 month to 8 months after I was born, he never watched over me, doesn't send money to help raise me. DENIED me as a son, and then left and did that with more ppl.
Outcome: I have my heart set on being a father, and providing as much loyalty, love, and support for my wife and kids as I can

2) MY MOM CANNOT RAISE A CHILD RIGHT! ALL MY LIFE SHE'S NEVER BEEN THERE FOR ME!
Examples: (THE FAMILY "ISSUES AND PRIVACY" BETWEEN ME AND MY MOM FUCK IT! THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR THIS SHIT!)
    A) Yes she did take care of me WHEN IT WASN'T LITERALLY 37 OTHER BABY SITTERS! I say other because she acts like a NANNY.
    B) The emotional support of a mother is LACKING IN ANY EFFORT GREATLY! SHE NEVER ONCE HUGGED ME! SHE'S NEVER ONCE TOLD ME THAT SHE'S LUCKY OR HAPPY TO HAVE ME AS A SON! (So what I didn't do anything too good, but I was always there for everyone, I'm always there when she needs to take it out on someone.)
    C) She's more worried about her future then to actully take care of mine. She complains and whines about everything but WORDS CAN ONLY GO SO FUCKING FAR UP YOUR ASS BEFORE THEY'RE STOPPED! SHE DOESN'T GET IT! I tell her everything about me, everything I hate, everything I like, she INSISTS on doing EVERYTHING I hate.
    D) SHE LIED TO ME IN MY FACE! She's promised me something and then she'd change it later on, and instead of saying "no" she says, "I never said that, don't accuse me of saying that, stop making up shit to blame me."
    E) SHE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING! She blames that her life is the way it is because I was born... BECAUSE I'M IN EXISTENCE, HOW'S THAT A REASON FOR HER LIFE BEING SHIT?! It was HER choices, HER decision.
    F) Her excuse for why her life is crap is this, I (being me) was born and she had to raise me as a single mother and that I couldn't see her "pain" and that there's other kids around that have less then me... Guess who the fuck told her all this... I DID! I TOLD HER NOT TO FUCKING WHINE ABOUT HER LIFE! I told her that there's other mothers out there in WORSE situations, where there kids are in gangs, or doing drugs, or who knows the fuck what. I never grew up with Seeing her pain, I've never had to help around the house (I was born 2-3 months premature and my mom didn't keep me in the incubator thingy) I never did anything when I was little except for sleep eat and play. My mom was too busy complaining about everything (she does it so often I don't even want to hear it anymore) My point is, I don't SEE what is going, I was RAISED to be LAZY. so there's some crappy ass parenting for yah.
    G) When I was six, my friends wanted to see how high I could kick, and I kicked really hard and I flipped and landed on my butt (yeah that is funny, not kidding lol) but then I slammed the back of my head on a rock and cement, My friend Peire and his Brother Micheal told me to go home, I told Peire that I can't go home, my mom is just going to yell at me. Peire told/asked me What kind of parent would do that (he had a very caring mother). And sure enough when I got home and walked in crying, and Peire left, my mom yelled at me for a friggin hour. I ran out of the house and over to Peire's house, and his mom had to help me calm down and get the ice pack and bandage my head (slight bleeding) I fell asleep there.
    H) My mom being a typical asian mother, spanked me when I was little, yeah sure it's no biggy... but it is when it actually ISN'T your fault and you are getting hit with a bamboo stick at her FRIENDS house and YOUR FRIEND can hear you DOWN the fucking street screaming 3 blocks away. (I don't give a shit about it anymore, but I'm sure some people can relate to this)
    I) If you know me well then you'd know that I love angels, that I'm close to being obessed with them. I don't know if there's an after life, if my spirit goes to hell or heaven. but whatever happens, in my OWN little faith, I believe what I do as a person will determine if I'm an angel or a demon, I have always day-dreamed about having wings flow out from my back and just wrap around everyone and protect everyone... but my MOM CALLS me the devil himself, she says I'm worthless, and my existence wasn't meant to be. Well you know what? FUCK WHAT SHE THINKS!

Outcome: I'm going to be the best fucking parent I can. To PROVE to her that hurting your child whether physically or emotionally is NOT okay.

3) MY SISTERS FUCKING DEAD OKAY?! SHE'S FUCKING DEAD! She was supposed to be a year younger then me but she died because of my dad. (My mom won't TELL ME WTF HAPPENED, SHE JUST TELLS ME IT'S HIS FAULT!) all I know is her birthday is November 28, 1988. My mom doesn't remember her name so I christianed her Emily. (I found out when I was 16) My mom never told ANYONE about my sister, because I don't know the fuck WHY!
Outcome: I tend to hold onto people alot, and I'm really loyal, and if my loyalty wavers, my guilt takes over me and stresses me out like crazy.

4) Freshman year:
    A) I made new friends and then this son of a bitch decides to make fun of them and throw rocks at them and at me. Sure we're the "loser crowd" I end up beating the fucking crap out of him and his friend when they tried to push me in my locker. It was in the boys locker room, I was waiting for my friend to finish dressing and we played tennis every brunch and lunch because we were inspired by another friend of mine. Anyway, he pushed me into my locker and I swung around and slammed the metal edge of the racket onto his forehead, and he's like a head taller then me. He stood there tearing up so I felt bad and I just stood there too, thinking of how to say sorry. His retard friend comes up from behind me and knocks me in the back of the head with his backpack, I black out. all I know is what my friends told me. here's what they told me: The two of them picked me up and slammed me onto the locker room bench and started beating me with their backpacks and fists, but I ended up being able to kick one of them and then I just beat the living hell out of him and his friend tried to help him but my friends held him back and then they pulled me back, but then it took 6-8 people to hold me back from trying to kick his ass. And this one "Friend" just watched me get hit and left the locker room without doing anything.
    B) That same "friend" opened his fucking soda over my art project and it was shooken up so it ends up pouring all over it, but the dumbass just held it there and didn't close it until my other friend ran up and grabbed the bottle and threw it as far as he could. I ended up failing that project with my teacher saying, "Well you should've been more careful" (my ass bitch, careful my ass)
    C) Again, that same guy STEALS my money, and TAKES my 2nd Tennis racket and Lies to the rest of my friends about where it fucking is. his excuses, "Oh my mom threw it away." "I was worried about you so I broke it." "I gave it to the teacher." "I forgot it at school and the teacher must've took it." (I wanted to kick his ass, but he was a "Friend" so I didn't. now I don't hate him or like him, I'll still say Hi.)
    D) There was a girl... I liked her alot, and I wrote her letters and told her I liked her, and how pretty I thought she was (I was a freshman), I bought her a glass fairy for her birthday and a teddy bear for christmas, (I've bought her a present for everyone of her birthdays, since freshman year, I'm a senior now, I never forgot her birthday... I'm pathetic *shrugs*) and she never told me SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND DAMMIT! I had to hear it from another guy that asked her out, IN FRONT OF ME! I ended up holding it in for two classes before crying in my last class.

Sophomore year:
    Nothing happened, me and my friends just hung out... oh wait that's righhhhttttt... I twisted my ankle in Basketball, after packing the ball and landing wrong, and then hitting my shoulder and head on the wall. And since I was never injured before I had to hop around and two of my friends helped me when they could, but some rude ass people just made my life harder by purposefully closing the door behind them, walking DIRECTLY in front of me and stopping there to "check" something. And to make it "better" my "friend" calls me up and tells me to get my ass over to his house. and Knowing me, and how I love to have fun no matter the cost... I end up walking to his house... I even told him the only way I could get there was to walk. his response... "So what, we'll have fun when you get here" and then going home... He didn't even ask anyone if I could get a ride or if I should call my mom to get a ride home, he told me to walk home. it was only when his mom saw that I ended up getting the ride home >-< that happened 3 times total!... I don't learn my lesson XD I'm addicted to fun haahhahaha.

Junior year:
    A) I noticed some changes in the group. I also noticed that my friend was taking gay jokes out of proportion. I mean if he's gay whatever I'm cool with it. but just don't fucking parade it around and then tell people your not gay, WHEN YOU GRABBED YOUR GUY FRIENDS ASS AND GO FOR ANOTHER ONE'S BELOW THE BELT! *shudders* Oh yeah I forgot He kissed the guy on the cheek. I was like "wtf?! Are you gay or not?" "No, aren't gay people stupid?" "Man, I'm fucking out of here." (Everyone else went with me, we are NOT hanging out with a fucking jackass)
    B) I ended up going out with this girl but she denies she ever went out with me, and then she denies ever met me, or knows me. And then when I get a girlfriend near the beginning of senior year she pretends to like me again...
    C) Junior prom... my date calls at NIGHT one day BEFORE the prom and asks if I can find someone else... then the next day she comes LATE (the limo had to wait) with a dress over her jeans, and wearing converse underneath, then she's wearing a sweater over her dress, it was like she wasn't even trying... We went to the retaurant that we reserved spots for and (we meaning me and my friend Chris) She ends up not wanting to eat anything, and saying she already ate when I told her before hand we were going out to dinner. She ends up eating something small like dessert, while I'm having my meal and then when she finishes she says, I want to go outside, I'm not done with my plate and I saved my stomach for that dinner... but I thought, oh what the heck? she probably feels uncomfortable here. so we leave walk around, and then we go to the dance... SHE REFUSES TO DANCE WHAT SO EVER! mind telling me that before you say yes?.... then at the end when the we have to go back to the limo, she ditches me and I end up having to go back with my friend. and then we get a mini lecture from his mom about, what if something happens to the girls, that me and him are going to be held responsible.

Senior year... THE BIGGIST SHIT OF IT ALL!
    A) In september or october, my mom kicks me out of the house when it's freezing cold outside like 50 degree's or something, and all I had was my backpack, my sweater and shorts. I spent the night outside at school, school was a haven for me (when there's no one there). And I didn't sleep because I had to avoid the security/janitors. So I spent my next day frozen in class sleeping... my teacher touched me to wake me up but took her hand back when she felt how cold I was, she tried again and I woke up, she asked me what happened, I told her and then Child Services ended up contacting my mom, getting me in more trouble. damn it.
    B) During Junior year's Electives fair, this teacher convinced me to sign up for her class by saying it was easy and that we'd be writing stories, poems etc. and since I thought that'd make it even easier because I'm a good writer, I signed up for the class. It turns out a FUCKING LIE! We did nothing in that class! nothing to do with literature. I ended up failing her class 1st AND 2nd semester because of a BULLSHIT project and BULLSHIT rules. that and she accused me of cheating, and being a liar. The 1st semster final I was supposed to do a presentation about castles, they're layouts, existence, and everything about them. BUT she gave that to some girl after calling me a cheat, and a liar. I ended up getting Fuedalism, so I do it, but I missed a day and the retarded bitch says to me I can't do the presentation because I misssed the turn in date for a handout.... WTF?! I CAN'T FUCKING PRESENT A 400 POINT PRESENTATION FOR MISSING ONE FUCKING HANDOUT?! WHEN I HAVE AN EXCUSED ABSENCE?! I wanted to fucking knock her out, but I don't hit girls PERIOD. So I take Night school for that.
    C) I asked out this girl that I've liked during Junior year and she said yes. I remember it as clear as day, it was homecoming night, we went to go watch Saw 2 because she loves scary movies, so then we went to Jamba Juice afterwards, and then I found a pen so she took it, and drew a star on my hand and wrote "HI" on it. and then I wrote "Chickens rock" on her cup, and then a little while later I told her to turn around and then I wrote "Will you go out with me" on the bottom of her cup, she looked so cute when she was trying to find it, I kept giving hints and she kept getting confused then I finally told her to look at the bottom of the cup, and she did, smiled and said yes. (Since the 1st gf denies my existence in her life, I'll deny her as my first gf)... So Sarah, was my first gf now, and I was her first bf. one day we were watching Slingblade and I told her I wanted to french her but I didn't do anything about it, I was just laughing. and then during the movie she started smacking her lips alot so I just leaned in and kissed her, and since that was my first kiss I didn't know if it was the right time, and I felt stupid (it was her first kiss too) after the kiss I looked at her and said sorry, but she said it was okay and kissed me back. You're wondering why this is bad... welp we ended up breaking up right before christmas. Because she wasn't ready for a boyfriend. and it hurt alot because you never really forget the first person you've been with.
    D) In Febuary I gave a flower to a girl and she wasn't holding it so I assumed she threw it away, turns out she put it in her locker. She told me that she was talking to a co-worker but I don't know how that goes, and I'm done coming to conclusions, I can't do it anymore like I've done in the past. I'm sorry for what I've said before, desperation sires provoking thoughts
    E) Then feeling like shit, I was weak and emotional... This girl starts kind of hitting on me so we talk, and I ask her for her number, she gives it to me and tells me to call her after school. I call her... nothing... then about an hour I call again... two hours later I call again. nothing. I leave her a message saying I called her but I guess she's busy, and I hope nothing bad happened to her. Next day I don't see her, day after that I asked her if she was free at her, she looks away and starts walking off and says no... being me I don't get it (I do get stuff now... sort of XP) the day after that I write her a note asking if she liked me at all, if she didn't we could still be friends. She gave me the letter back with the words "like me" circled and arrowed to the side where she wrote. "What makes you think I'd ever like you? And stop calling me, writing notes is lame."... my friend saw me sad, found out what happened, read the letter and crumpled it up and tried to spit on it but I wouldn't let him.
    F) My mom drives slow and horribly and almost gets me killed... We're taking a turn or something and this car is coming out, MY MOM DOESN'T SEE IT! and it's a RED TRUCK! and then she yells at me when I point it out, she hits the brakes, bitches at me. My defence... "YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN US KILLED, ESEPICALLY ME! YOU MIGHT SURVIVE BUT THAT TRUCK WAS ABOUT TO HIT THE PASSNGER SIDE!" She continues to bitch at me, later on we get to Brooks College, I talk to the principal in charge of that one school area, and he said he can get me a job, get me started, if I wanted he could help me find a place to move out too, he could help me qualify for ALOT of financial aid for college, as long as I get a 3.0 for 1st semester... didn't happen cuz my mom MOM ended up saying No I don't want you going here. I want you to get a job that makes good money... Umm well Graphic design makes alot of money, and it is used EVERYWHERE!, every logo, every sign, every place has graphic design. So I tell her that, and she says, I don't care I want you to get a job that makes alot of money, like a doctor or lawyer. So I asked her if she wants me to be a doctor, she said, No I want you to be what you're comfortable with. I was like WTF?! then we left to go home, with me hella pissed, because I missed a job opportunity, financial aid, and a place to move out to when I start my first year in college. Then on the way home my mom has the nerve to yell at me for applying there and then calls me a fucking useless person and that my work (drawings, stories, poems, songs etc....) suck ass and that I'm stupid. Now I've had it with her, I tell her to shut up and leave me alone, if she says another word I'm jumping out of the car. she keeps driving not even a minute later, "You're so stupid" *pop* door opens, wind rushes and I jump out and hit the sidewalk, get up and run my ass off in the opposite direction, then I end up having to walk cuz I'm too tired and then I walk about 10 miles home.
    G) I've had it with St. Claire, she's a piece of shit teacher, she doesn't teach, she just talks about her life, and useless facts. I end up failing for the SECOND time in her class because of the SAME damn thing, I can't present my 200 point final because I missed a handout.
    H) I'm not graduating because of that bitch, but if I had an ACUTAL lit class I would've passed, and be able to walk... now I have to take summer school because of her in order to get my diploma. It'snot like I'm stupid. I have 235 credits, I only need 220, BUT I still need 4 years total to walk for graduation... I'm 5 credits short.
    I) I'm ready to move out, but I can't find anyone, I don't care if it's a guy or girl XD. I just want a roommate so I can move the heck out of my house, I know it's going to be hard, but Imma end up jumping out my window if I have to take more pointless crap.
    J) My friends have all been blaming each other for crap, hating each other, making pick sides, and I've been trying my best to be loyal to both sides and holding onto whatever I can, but now everything they've said about each other is opening my eyes and coming true. I'm no longer oblivious and I'm now questioning everything I've ever done in my life, and now I'm starting to believe my mom, that I'm just one big mistake, I wasn't meant for existence.
Outcome: I'm now emotionally unstable, and I'm recovering slowly, but not fast enough to take more shit from my mom.

If you're a victim of anything I've said, this part applys to those people that picked on you, hurt you, and fucked up your life. This is for the "parents" and so called "friends"...

ALL YOU FUCKING PARENTS AND "FRIENDS" THAT ARE LIKE THIS! FUCK YOU UP YOUR COWARDLY ASS! TREAT YOUR CHILD(REN) WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE! THEY NEVER ASKED TO BE PUT ON THIS EARTH! AND THE LAST THING THEY WANT TO DO IS LEAVE IT! ESPECIALLY WITHOUT LOVE FROM THEIR PARENTS (AND FRIENDS). AND IF YOU'RE FRIENDS, MAKE THE DAMN EFFORT TO BE FRIENDS, AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE, DON'T LEAVE THEM WONDERING YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU AS A PERSON AND IF I COULD I'D CONDEMN YOUR ASS TO HELL! IT'S NOT FAIR TO OTHERS TO BE THERE FOR YOU AND FOR YOU TO TURN YOUR BACK ON THEM WHEN THEY NEED YOU MOST!

The isolation is back

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-05T04:06:41-05:00

In my heart the isolation has built upon itself once again: this was the first time the isolation gripped me so hard I could see myself doing this. The second time is right after this story. I added onto the first part, the added on is in bold.

Fear of Isolation

He wasn’t a cutter, his skin as clear as day, he wasn’t emo, for his joy filled the heart of others, he was a palm tree. He was just something others used to lean on forever bending to the wind of their emotions. He was a little mail box where everyone sent their letters of pain and joy. He was tired of it; the mail was to be blown up, the tree to snap under the brutal force of pain and sorrow. He never thought about this before, it was just now, just today, this moment that it bombarded into his head, an epiphany. He thought he was dreaming when he thought of pain, but he wasn’t. His world had just crashed over him, Atlas with Achilles heel, a star consumed by a supernova, and a boyfriend to the sweet whims of emptiness.

He was a sacrifice to bear the pain of others so they may continue to exist. Now he dreamed of the isolation of the burning desert.

Solitude’s Devastation

He stood there in the sun, the light bending in his eyes, he could see it so clearly now. This was it, it all came to this, all the pain, conclusions, and endless fighting that strove to survive in his heart and control it. This was the last time they left.

The sun burned him to his heart, he could feel the heat, but he felt colder then a mammoth frozen in a glacier. He stood there in the desolated area the icy needles piercing him over and over. Nothing stood, breathed nor moved. A flat sunburned terrain, it made the desert an oasis. He cried, but the tears evaporated an inch before hitting the ground. Yet he felt so cold, so distant. This was his fault, this pain that froze his mind. He stepped forward and continued walking, turning the heated ground into a wave of ice behind him, the ice reflected to the sky bright enough to blind god, cool enough to make the sun die.

It started to rain, as if god could feel his pain. Tears of heaven rained upon his broken soul. All he could do now was stand there and replay everything that happened in his life, all his pain, his mistakes… no, their pain, his mistakes. He was no longer what he thought he was all along. He’s frail body stood there drenched with rain, his tears, although water did not match that of rain, it was like he was crying ice, crying liquid shards of light. The puddle of light pooled around him then turned pitch black; he fell in it and went through the other side.

He closed his eyes and it seemed like he was falling forever, through time, space, and thoughts. No longer the angel he thought he was, his wings gone, he could no longer right himself… stop the falling. He wasn’t the kind hearted and warm person he thought he was and he wasn’t that of which most of the outside world perceived him to be. He was quite the opposite, he felt cold hearted and now he realized what he was, he was the devils gift to the world, the shit that he did to the world, friends, family… everything.

He was the angel they thought he was his white feathery wings protected them, wings that held them close and warmed their hearts. The ground began to shake beneath him, and violence rang the air, its call to arms; hate, pain, sorrow, guilt, envy… it rang like a shout from an army. Now the wings turned black and leather like, corrupted, tainted with bitter pain, a bitter heart. With the wings still folded around everyone, he had them trapped. Eyes opened beads of sweat break, and fear floods out an aura like a tsunami. Now his lids opened revealing yellow reptilian eyes, no longer a caring brown of human compassion. They flashed back to humanity and his wings turned white again for just a second, that second was all it took for him to let go of his grip on everyone, to let them be, to end it all. And now he ran for the window…

This is an endless cycle of thoughts, it's a confusion of existence, it's pain opening door to happyness and vice-versa. Clarity is no longer a word in this dictionary. "Words disappear upon these dying lips, vanishing as words of war, reappearing as acts of violence." - anonymous

it's me!

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-08T04:06:50-05:00

It's MEE!!

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-10T11:06:49-05:00

It's my work yo! My friend David was crappin XD!!! I know it's gross, but I didn't know he was in there till I took the picture, then he was all, "Hey john! is that you man?! WTF YOU DOING TAKING A PICTURE WHILE I'M CRAPPING?!" I BURSTED out laughing!!! I took it when we were closing so there weren't any customers XD. =P Don't I look cute? Me and my tweddy bear. his name is Wittle bear... don't make fun of me! you know you want him, he's all furry and plushy and squishy, and fluffy. =P I just got off of work... I don't have my tie on and yeah lol... you saw my badge sooo shhhhh. Btw, this is my bathroom XD!

Demons and Angels

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-11T07:06:12-05:00

Yes these pictures are actually me, I just used a program that came with the camera. So just tell me which picture you like best, whether it's the inversed color or not XD. I don't have a shirt on so lol. This was the first one I did: and I did these ones when I was half awake... it's 4:17am XD! omg... lol.

a songgg...

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-17T04:06:26-05:00

During the "Every 15 minutes" an accident happens cuz of a drunk driver (I don't know if that's true) thing at school a long time ago, I ended up cryin cuz I was reminded of a friend and my sis. I never really go around to writing the song so here is part of it... The glass shatters Falling into matter, all around us As we are crushed Must we go on within life When we are paralyzed, and victimized Now we face our demise As we no longer die by time Rather the hands of man and our creations Twisted metal sending us to the dead lands Now it's all over But can we move on with scars and stitches Entwined into our spines Piecing together these hairline fractures Shockwaves threw us to our graves Turning bone into glass, bodies in a mass No longer safe to say, we're here to stay Here it seeps within me The liquid that blinds what I see Blaring lights turn into darkness Like vengence to the heartless so yeah... that's all I have right now, because my mom is being a lil prick. YES I SAID IT, and if you knew all the shit my mom put me through, you'd call her worse.

NEED HELP!! PLEASE!

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-18T11:06:01-05:00

I'm moving out, well my mom is kicking me out, and I have to be out by the end of the month. WHICH IS IN TWO FUCKING WEEKS! I found a couple of good places, I just need room mates!! PLEASE HELP ME!

Sorry!

Unitedybevol — 2006-06-26T08:06:07-05:00

I have a virus on my computer! an I'm at a gaming place right now...

YOU SON OF A BITCH!!

Unitedybevol — 2006-07-01T02:07:19-05:00

I BUST MY ASS TRYING TO DO THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY FOR YOU! I GET YOU A FUCKING JOB, I HAVE TO DEFEND YOU AGAINST ANY FUCKING CRITISIZM THAT'S THROWN YOUR WAY, I LET YOU FUCIKING STEP ALL OVER ME LIKE A GOD DAMN DOOR MAT, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU WANTING ME TO CHOOSE WHO TO BE FRIENDS WITH! WTF?!

    PROM: okay yeahhh... an after party huh... does that consist of THREE FUCKING PEOPLE?! after the movie is over, the two of you grop each other for 4 fucking hours!! WTF?! I HAVE TO WAIT BY THE DOOR, OCCASIONALLY FALLING ASLEEP WHILE YOU TWO GROP EACH OTHER?! I forgave you for that one time, you said you owed me lunch, I waived it off. THEN YOU FUCKING DO IT AGAIN! I ask you for a ride to work! THAT'S IT!! YOU'RE ON YOUR FUCKING LUNCH, SO WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! you ask me to buy three chalupas... okay, I walk over there and buy it for you, AND THEN I WAIT 20 MINUTES FOR YOU TO SHOW UP! We walk out, I see your "gf" (the one you broke up with 3-4 times already) I'm thinking "oh okay, whatever". Then you drop her off at her house... oh my bad... YOU GROP HER FOR ANOTHER 20 FUCKING MINUTES! I HAVE TO FUCKING TELL YOU TWO TO STOP BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH GONNA BE LATE TO WORK! YOU END UP SPEEDING TO WORK WITH 9-8 MINUTES TO GET THERE! YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY BUT YOU NEVER REALLY ARE, ARE YOU?!
    I MIGHT BITCH AND WHINE, BUT GUESS WHAT?! YOU GIVE ME REASON TOO! ESPECIALLY MAKING ME WAIT FOR YOU TO HAVE A PASSIONATE HOUR WITH YOUR GF, WHILE I STAND IDLY BY AS A THIRD WHEEL.
    You ask me for favors on doing your hmwk, fine, I end up lending you my binder, my hmwk, whatever I did, and whatever I can, I end up turning that stuff in late. I EVEN LET YOU USE THE "SHIT" (AS YOU CALL IT) I WRITE FOR YOU TO USE IN CLASS TO CALL IT YOUR OWN!
    YOU END UP MAKING ME CHOOSE BETWEEN MY FRIENDS! I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE BOTH OF YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND THEN I TRY TO DEFEND YOU. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING FRIEND ARE YOU?! TELL ME THAT! ALL I ASK FOR WAS A RIDE, AND WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS CAR, I GAVE YOU SOME OF MY FOOD, SO WHAT IF THE FOOD WAS FREE FOR ME, I'M POOR YOU SON OF A BITCH, I HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE WHERE I GET PUSHED AROUND AND CUSSED AT! I TRY MY BEST TO PAY YOU BACK! I GET YOU THE FUCKING JOB, I'M WORKING WITHOUT MY BREAKS TO GET ENOUGH COMMISION TO PAY YOUR SORRY ASS OFF!
    I'm sick of the way you treat some of your friends.
    YOU SAY YOU'RE LOYAL AND YOU'RE TRUSTWORTHY... well guess what, it was I who was the fucking door mat you stepped all over on. Even the friends you hate, and abandoned you still have loyalty to you, in their eyes you're a friend to them no matter how much you hate them, or backstabbed them.
    In their defense... FUCK YOU YOU ASS LICKING COCK SUCKING SHIT EATING SKELETON FUCKING NECROPHILIAC YOU GOD DAMN CHILD RAPING PEDOPHILE GO SUCK YOUR SELF OUT OF YOUR SORE ASS YOU SON OF A BITCH AND I HOPE TO GOD YOU CLEAN UP YOUR ACT YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT! YOU ARE NO FRIEND IN THE EYES OF GOD, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A LOW LIFE BROUGHT UP FOR ACTS OF GREED AND PAIN. YOU MAKE OTHERS SUFFER FOR YOUR OWN ADVANTAGE, FUCK YOU, GOD SHOULD'VE MADE YOU COME OUT OF YOUR MOM'S ASS INSTEAD OF HER VAGINA!

It's returning, the isolation

Unitedybevol — 2006-07-04T03:07:50-05:00

Everyone has that thought of being alone when they're older, no one wants to grow old alone, it's always with someone else, how your goals in life are along the lines of, travel here, do this, do that, enjoy your life, I have only one or two. I daydream about being an angel, being able to save people, to see them smile to have the world be protected upon an angel's wings, but most of all, I wanted to be a husband, a father. Some men complain about their wives bitching, and the wives complain about the men being lazy, and then they divorce is over because the "romance" is over. I want to show them that a relationship is what it is, there's the ups and the downs that's it's a gift to have someone to even hold at night, to have someone that loves you. It's not easy having that happen, my life hasn't been easy and I've lost a lot of people... In the end I'm sure loyalty is what's gonna kill me, not old age, not a gun, a car... but loyalty... I'm loyal to those that are my family, my friends... and I've shown more then I've needed with my loyalty to my friends. To the point where I know they're stepping all over me, but there's nothing else I want more, then my friends... I'll just lay on the puddle and make sure they get to the other side safely. I don't know if you care... if it matter's how one person feels... after all, isn't it your feelings that matter at the end of the day? another person's worries is just going to be forgotten. For me I can't just let it go at the end of the day, everything is born precious to the world, the golden hearts to the silver tears, how a baby's soft smile and little giggle can captivate my eyes and ears and fill my heart with tears.

We fear our hearts and what we may become, or what may become of us. We fear what we don't know, we choose not to take risks because of the unknown, fear grips us to suffication. To me... even with the thought of the one I care about backstabbing me, not loving me, being shot down... I can't let it stop me... I don't want it to stop me, my fear of being alone at the age of 65 will kill me... I can't stand 47 more years of loneliness... but my past experiances have shown nothing but that.

The isolation has made a home, where it can be safe and sound.

Sup fools

Unitedybevol — 2006-09-22T03:09:53-05:00

I'm back, but I'm still not black... Azn on the outside, like hell I'm white on the inside... with azn/black/mexican (love dem nacho's and taco's) and other at heart.

Two songs I wrote ^_^

Unitedybevol — 2006-10-26T01:10:12-05:00

LIPS LIKE VENGENCE

I dream of the lips that have decieved me
I dream of the land that's stretched beneath me
And how you have buried me there
And unearthed me with lips of deception
Into this faded complexion

I stand again with lashes on my back
Blood flowing till I thought, I'm never coming back
I believed the lies you've whispered in my ear
Bringing me to my knee's in fear
All I can do, is stare at the lips of vengence

I will dream of the hands that have held me
I will dream of the eyes that have melted me
And drown in a pool of my own blood
Disinter this body with lips of deception
Then turn it into this liquified complexion

I stand again with lashes on my back
Blood flowing till I thought, I'm never coming back
I won't believe the lies you whisper in my ear
Words that once brought me to my knee's in fear
All I can do is kiss those lips of vengence
Till reassurance is bestowed upon me

Then I will live again
Know matter outcome
I will live away from the lips that manipulated me
I will live away from the lips that drowned me
And whisper words even if I remain unheard
For I live for myself and no one else

MY DYING LIGHT

Who can you turn to when everything fades
What can you do when everyone says late
Standing there in the beginning of the night
Now surrounded by dying light, scream good bye
Scream, just scream good bye
Wave your arms to a new tomorrow
For the night remains so hollow

Will you decide to die with this night
To never go on with the fight
Or would you fight back
Or lose yourself just like that
A snap of your fingers and it all disappears
Your pains, hopes, and fears
They all go away, but so do you
Unless you decide continue

Who can you turn to when everything fades away
What can you do when they say "later" today
Standing there in the beginning of the night
Now surrounded by dying light, scream good bye
Scream, just scream good bye
Wave your arms to a new tomorrow
For the night remains so hollow

You can always say hello
Decide on an open mind, which way to go
Keep your heart shrouded in shadow
Just because you don't know
About the life that never hears hello
I will wait for you, till the dark of night
My dying light, I will wait for you
Till I bend over backwards and embrace being shattered
And if you stay or go
You'll never know
That you really mattered

Grace to Courage

Unitedybevol — 2006-10-26T03:10:51-05:00

It seems like a simple feat
To stand so tall and face the waves of hate
But to bow down in defeat
And accept it as your one and only fate

I cannot forgive you
I can't allow you to dream
I cannot forgive you
For dreaming that way
Courage is only grace
That glowing light upon your face
Changes all of your ways
Your courage is only grace under pressure
When your heart is to strong to measure

It seems like a simple feat
To stand so tall and hold it all
But to crawl and admit defeat
And accept it as your one and only fate

You're lost in your ways
Your heart's out of place
The tears down your face
Can measure the days
The months turn to years
You're drowning in tears
Will you face all your fears
As your grace fades away
And is pressured to tanacity
Only then you'll find yourself in felicity

You'll seem to be daring
When you stand so tall
An the look that you're wearing
Shows you defending all

Of your heart
Your love
Your friends
Your right to be alive
When they're torn apart
When you feel like you've had enough
And you can't see around the bend
And your feelings vanish in the night

Just reach for me
Maybe then you'll see
That a single, simple attainment
Will leave you free of resentment
When your love cannot be measured
You'll know your courage is grace under pressure

It isn't that great... I don't think, but I'm tired an yeah...

Becoming Pale

Unitedybevol — 2006-11-03T03:11:28-05:00

In your eyes I've become so pale
A friendship tastes the bitter ale
Drinking from the darkness in your heart
Giving cheers to a friendship, falling apart
I'm giving up on you
You never knew what to do
You've taken all I did for granted
Take a look, now that I've lost it

Always feels like you're insincere
Wishing that I'd disappear
You've become my greatest fear
Now that you've left me standing here

I'm so fucking monotonous
So it seems that I'm oblivious
To all the truth outside of my head
Gliding around as I die in bed
Die, dreaming of you
Die knowing, that I hold no value
Compared to everyone else

In your heart I've become so pale
As this lover tastes the bitter ale
Drinking from the pain inside my heart
Watching the cheers, as I fall apart
I'm giving up on you
You never knew what to do
You've taken all I did for granted
Take a look, now that I've lost it

Said you'd always be my cure
Just when I thought your heart was pure
You turned around and left me insecure
That false image of you demure

Can I trust you?
Can I forgive you?
For all that you do
And all you put me through
Through your eyes, it doesn't seem like much
But on the inside I am dying to know the truth
To hear the sooth so that I don't regret my youth

Fuck it and die

Unitedybevol — 2006-11-13T11:11:16-05:00

When there's no where else in life and you feel stopped and ready to let go... Are you willing to let go?

Are you ready to die this night
Beads of blood dripping down your arm
Slipping away while holding on, and you can't
and you can't, you can't face it
It's right there before you

Now die inside, die this second
Get it over with
And you bleed, bleed your tears away
To no one else, just to yourself
You cry

And in your heart you feel like suicide
The laws of life you can't abide
But hold on while bleeding away
Hold on an, just say
Just say fuck it all
I don't need this
I don't need insecurities
I don't miss
The quick second bliss

With that just watch yourself slip away
Everyone else see's you so far
No one else holding you for who you are
And you let it slip away from you again
You're fate's just around the bend

And are you ready to die this night
Beads of blood dripping down your arm
Slipping away while holding on, and you can't
And you can't, You can't face it
It's right there before you

But turn around, turn around
And look at me
Look at the year's I've slaved, slaved away
I won't let you lose your life today
Holding your hands

I watched you dance, angel on glass
Your feelings buried and masked
No one listens, listens to your heart
Tearing apart, just hold on
It's you I'm fond of
My heart you've won
Another second, and you'll be gone
And I can't bare to say so long
So long, so long love

With that just watch yourself slip away
Everyone else see's you so far
No one else holding you for who you are
Don't you let it slip away from you again
You're fate's just around the bend
I beg you please, don't let it end
So hold on
And I'll hold on to you

So are you willing to let go? of everything you've worked to get, to become. Even when the poorest of people are passing you in life. Are you still willing to let go? to admit your failure and tell the world that you're to weak to go on? What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Will you be stronger?

OH DAMMIT I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS!

Unitedybevol — 2006-11-28T12:11:10-05:00

I need a place to go before I choose to fade my life away. I can't deal with my mom. I have barely any money because my boss is a fucking whore and won't give me more time... Says I'm late, but I'm always an hour early waiting to clock in.
I spend my money because when I say I'm going to move out, a week later my mom completely changes and makes me feel so secure, so I'm happy and I just focus on studies and things that I need for home, so I spend my money on books, and my computer and presents. Then when I'm broke she yells at me and makes me feel like shit. She blames everything on me and makes everyone hate me. I go to work pissed and people ask why, I tell them what happens in the morning and that my mom yells at me. Then she comes in later acting sweet and everything.
I feel like she's trying to brainwash me... She says that the only people that are good in this world are the ones that says she's a good person, and take her side. She's too oblivious to understand that she's being arrogant! And it pisses me off, because she's blaming me for being alive and a waste of life and time
I'm hating her because she cares about no one else... And BULLSHIT if you're saying "Who gives you a place to live, clothes and food." That's the biggest obligation a parent has to bringing life into the world! and if they can't handle just that, FUCK THEM!
She does all that and then blames me for doing nothing... she's never SEEN ME BUSTING MY FUCKING ASS DOING SHIT FOR PEOPLE!
Those that know me know that I'd go out of my way, even if it fucks me over to help them. I'd do whatever I can to make sure they get what they want.
I can't stand when she talks shit about people to make herself look good and then put me and my friends down, her OWN friends included, she doesn't know what it means to have a friend. I've tried to be her friend but she just yells and complains.

Adema - Promises
Kelly Clarkson - Because of You
Everclear - Father of Mine

I just want to leave this place, leave here. I can't stand it here, I need somewhere to go to get back on my feet. I'm sorry if it'll take a long time, but I'm going to have to crawl out of the 6 foot grave she dug for me.

I'm done ranting... now to think of how to get out.

Uhhhhh

Unitedybevol — 2006-11-29T03:11:00-05:00

Blah blah blah, I haven't been writing for shit lately XP... only for that angry rant. At the moment I'm trying to write this and draw a fairy. In a math class I had to do a tessalation (soarfjsagsadgsdfkljsk... can't spell) project So I made a fairy I ended up getting 110 out of 11 XP... it was beautifully done... apparently I was very proud of it because at that time I was ALSO doing two other ppl's projects... they never paid... fucking whores (funny thing... they were whores, two blonde chicks that were dumb as hell... I SWEAR BLONDES ARE NOT DUMB! it's retards like those two that give blondes the damn title.) So I did their projects, one was a bunny, another was a dog... they ended up gettin 95 each.
So in anycase, I just really liked the fairy, so I'm re-drawing it to make her real... in a sense. It was just too cartoony before so now it's gonna be a schmexy fairy. I've been up for 2-4 hours past mid-night for a few days just trying to draw her. I can't draw for shit... *tears* Welp, no use complaining, gotta suck it up and get it done...

Only when you die can you not better yourself as a friend, lover, brother, sister, father, mother... or as a person. Before you can say you love another, learn to love yourself first, so that your lover will love the real you.

Whoa... that was deep... anyway, since I just shattered the deep mood... I want some fucking ice cream.

Shyt

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-07T01:12:03-05:00

yeah, in anycase, my internet is fucked up, so I'll barely be able to use it. ISN'T THAT GREAT?! anways, imma miss you guys!

Simple

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-12T07:12:48-05:00

It's a simple task, question.

Why should I remain online?

A different side

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-20T09:12:57-05:00

To the fucking parents out there... It is NOT the child's fault for existing, it is YOURS. YOU are the one who made the choice to have a child, NOT A SINGLE KID DESERVES TO BE CALLED A MISTAKE NO MATTER HOW MANY FUCKING MISTAKES THEY HAVE MADE! THEY ARE STILL YOUR CHILD! YOU ARE A PARENT, DEAL WITH IT! If you can't... fuck you. You don't deserve the title of parent. You have no right blaming your child for "wasting" your life, you just couldn't raise a kid. Your kid never asked to be given his or her existence, they are dealing with their life the best they can. If you can only whine, bitch, and yell at your child, you're more immature then they are. Even if they are yelling back, you're so much fucking older then they are, hence you're being more childish then they.

Wanna post fine. I'm pissed... again... Shut up.

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-23T02:12:42-05:00

-.- I'm sick of people just fuckin around and not doing what they say they're gonna do.

I'm getting so many feelings right now and it's pissing me off...

I'm feeling kinda sad, mad, a lil happy, and hella hyper...
So I don't know what kind of battery god just shoved up my ass...
It might be energizer...

I'm just so happy when I'm talking to my baby, how well things have been for us, how much I love her. But I'm a little sad because she's not here with me, near me.

Angry, well people saying they'll do something and they don't do it. People that are NEVER on time. Those who take life slow enough to waste another persons time and life.

In all honesty, I think this is what I get for swearing, fucking around (not working, but playing), and drinking too fucking much (energy drinks, soda)...

A Christmas Tale

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-25T04:12:21-05:00

He crumpled to his knee's in pain, the tears freezing to his cheeks. His anguished met no end as he stared at the snow powdered open area, then back at his love, in the snow. Her almond skin stood out against the paled snow and her soft brown hair strewn across the snow's surface. He stared at her lifeless lids and softly ran his fingers down her lips, the lips that iced over with his very touch.
Thoughts ran through his head and he cried a solid river of icy tears. Were his hands always this cold and calloused, was his heart always this cold and desperate? He ran his fingers through her soft hair and held her close. He heard a thunderous crack run beneath him and his heart turned to stone. He rushed out of the clearing with her tightly in his arms, his breath begin to thin and dissipate, the river edge was too far in the snow. He lurched and lost balance, his love falling out of his arms as another thunderous crack broke out beneath him, he fell in and felt needles stabbing him from all sides. The frigid water didn't feel like it was as cold as his heart, he felt the water pull him down and let his last breath go and his thoughts wander on the past when he first held her.

If you want to know more of the story let me know, cuz right now I'm lazy. I don't feel like writing unless a lot of people want to read it, cuz it's like 1:35 right now... so yup, if there's enough people wanting to read it, I may just finish it.

Oh damn.

Unitedybevol — 2006-12-27T02:12:44-05:00

So yeah, I worked from 6:15 am till 10:49pm. I did not sleep at all the night before and I ate some amount of food during the day, but today's amount was fairly little. I'm hungry and tired, I miss my friends and I miss my girl. most of all I miss my life and school. I'm over exerting myself right now because I want to buy the Zune, I want it so bad, and I want to pay off my credit card and fund my schooling. I work part time and my schedule is being refused to be changed by my boss, I'm working for 8.50 an hour, which isn't half bad. I get weekends off which not alot of others get to do. but I work 4 hours monday through friday.

There's a little thing called despair

Unitedybevol — 2007-01-03T11:01:33-05:00

I have lost the hope of gaining back my strength for a long time. I went to sleep at my best friends house a January 1st at around 1 or two, later I woke up at 8:40. I had a lot of fun tearing things down, but that tired me out, I went home, got ready to take the graveyard shift at work. 10pm - 6am. I ended up working from 9:34pm - 7:08am. I mean I had fun doing that too, but now that I got home I realized that I have to work at 11am - 3pm... I have no energy left in me... I have to bike to work, it's about 6 miles from my house to there. So today and the night before I only recieved a small amount of rest. I do understand that there are other people who have it worse then I do. I'm just worried to as whether I'm going to be able to recover in time for school, which is on the 8th.

Good gosh for the happiness,,, dammit.

Unitedybevol — 2007-01-18T11:01:42-05:00

bu-bu-bu-bullshit... This is great my comp is so damn broken >_<... and my computer's a fucking shithole... If I offended any random person I'm sorry...

Reality of Valentines.

Unitedybevol — 2007-02-14T06:02:08-05:00

It's a FUCKING hallmark holiday, and a sad excuse for love. It's full of fucking bullshit that's not fucking true. "In the heat of the moment" "everyone else felt that way", It's a bullshit holiday! Look up wtf it actually is. FUCK Valentine's day, FUCK hallmark, I'm closer to saying FUCK christmas, for all you little assholes that whine about not getting anything. FUCK YOU! You're supposed to be GIVING asshole!! So don't FUCKING WHINE, OR BRAG!

I HATE BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT HOLIDAYS AND BULLSHIT PEOPLE!

Reason I hate valentines day. You use it as an excuse to NOT fucking do anything for the one you love the other fucking days! "Oh but if I do this today, I'll have to do something better for V-day" A day used for an excuse to have sex, and go out and just fucking mock everything this day was supposed to be. Valentine's was NOT ment to be a holiday, it marked the fact that, in a country (I won't name) Marriages were no longer permited, so St. Valentines gathered a group of people and married them all on the same fucking day. Big fucking do da. Hallmark blows this shit out of proportion and make it bigger then it really is.

Out comes:
1) Fake love/emotions, you only admit to the one you are infatuated with because it's the heat of the moment and it makes you "free". If you REALLY do care about that person, you can do it any other fucking day. LOVE THEM, NOT FOR THE HOLIDAY, BUT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND THEIRS! At times people also get together with another just so they don't feel alone, which can tear a relationship apart, and/or decimate one or the other.

2) EXPENSE. Hallmark has made it so that the simple things in this time, this era have to be upgraded, a rose and a box of chocolate was all it used to take. Now more is expected because of this fucked up holiday.

3) Vindictive actions, to parade the one you're in love with in front of others and making them feel like shit, will only cause them to bring on emotional issues. Yes, I hate people that refuse to think in a way to better themselves, but even more, I HATE those that decimated them in the first place.

4) HALLMARK! FUCK YOU! UP YOUR GOD DAMNED ASSHOLES YOU FUCKING MORONS!

5) This is to the celebration of V-day, Vindictive, Vacilating, Vacuous, Vain, Virulence, Volatile, Vizier, and the Void of what you call a holiday.

Of the broken and damned

Unitedybevol — 2007-02-15T11:02:02-05:00

A turn in perspectives
Leaves you in your thoughts
Dwell on what you've bought
On what you live
As soon as they all burn away
And leave you frayed

With open eyes you will see
A betrayal of the sun
That's left you on the run
You're left with thoughts of we
And your lies catch up
When they've had enough

You are in an existence
Where you'll face the truth
of what you are, mere youth
You'll turn in trodden countenance
Barred and spited
Shunned and hated

You'll have honest eyes
When you look deep within another
You'll have a chance, my brother or sister
To stand and right those lies
To brace this life
And drop the knife.

Taking flight

Unitedybevol — 2007-02-24T04:02:45-05:00

A leap of faith and trust within
Has left me burning through with sin
Drowning endless depths of sorrow
Will these eyes ever see the morrow

A stanza to repeat each line
Leaving me in sins divine
Heeding deviant words of pain
That I may have something to gain

Stand solid on concrete foundation
Crumbling at the drop in motivation
Convulsion upon convulsions
An explosion of emotions

Shaking along the fenced off air
Shivering on wire thin bare
Struggling to guide these wings
Savagely streaming as the angel sings

I leapt from faith within
And now I burn in sin
All because of sorrow
Mortified in the morrow

A stanza that repeats each line
Drawing on sins divine
Vaulted by lines of pain
Embracing nothingness to gain

Reprobate of the foundation
That ends all the motivation
Mortification upon mortification
Reparation from fixation

Shake from the cut off air
Shiver while I'm bare
Struggling to keep the wings
Savagely screaming silence sings.

Why is it so hard?

Unitedybevol — 2007-03-07T02:03:29-05:00

Why is it so hard to be bi-lingual (2+) with out influencing one language with another's accent?

Eh... whatever. Anyway, I love my girl, and she's been a complete and utter dork... An I love her for that XP. Apparently I called her and around 2am I fell asleep on the phone... I was trying so hard to stay awake but I told her good night and I hung up the phone... (In my dream) So all that happened was I said gibberish and started breathing quietly into the phone. She listened for a lil while before falling asleep herself.

All that I can do for someone so far away
All that I can, I will to bring the light of day
I'll swing from darkness to the light
I'll do whatever it takes to fight
The depths of my past
To rise upon these wings
And all that just has
To be, I'll sing.

A Cut That Never Was

Unitedybevol — 2007-03-15T05:03:18-05:00

Legend = (Sm): Scream, (Gr): Guitar, (Dm): Drums), (So): Solo (Ex): Extend), (Wh): Whisper, (Hy): Heavy, (Lt): Light, (Vo): Voice

Whisper is quiter then light voice...

A Cut That Never Was

(lt vo) Seep into the end
    Where the light tends to bend
    Now shadowed in the past
    Forshadows your future
    Fading forward fast
    Just another observer, a percher

    As the blood rises to the surface
    Out of actions done on purpose
    Lose your face to the world
    As your place just unfurls
(lt gr) Only the
(sm, dm hy) Misdeeds
(lt gr) And yah
(sm, dm hy) Can't heed
(lt gr) Just clot
(sm, dm hy) Can't bleed
(lt gr) To fear
(sm, dm hy) Won't cut
(sm, dm hy) Just shut
    Keep in and shut out
    And shout out, loud
(gr so)
(enter hy dm)
    We're more then we seem to be
    We're more then the ecstasy
    We're the tears that bled you dry
    Holding pain as if you're shy
    A cut that never was
    We're the painful advocate
    That left you without a wit
(sm) So kiss my fucking ass good bye
(sm) Good bye (3x)

(lt vo) So slip into the end
    Where all the angels send
    A letter to regard
    Another heart apart
    The devil's happiness
    Is just another twist
    Of a (sm) knife inside your spine
(sm) Shit out of luck in time

    Can't you hear the silent screams inside of you
    Grieving for the misbelieving concepts of the new
    Anesthitics, leaving you so pathetic
    In long drawn out hypothetic animosity
(lt gr) And only the
(sm, dm hy) Misdeeds
(lt gr) And yah
(sm, dm hy) Can't heed
(lt gr) Just clot
(sm, dm hy) Can't bleed
(lt gr) To fear
(sm, dm hy) Won't cut
(sm, dm hy) Just shut
    Keep in and shut out
    And shout out, loud

(lt vo) So slip into the end
    Where all the angels send
    A letter to regard
    Another heart apart
    The devil's happiness
    Is just another twist
    Of a (sm) knife inside your spine
(sm) Shit out of luck in time

(lt vo) And stare at the cut that was never there
    Just in your thoughts
    Because of the only fear
    That brought you to tears
    That lonely feeling of resentment
    The fear to regret

(wh) for the cut that never was

I wrote something...

Unitedybevol — 2007-03-15T02:03:49-05:00

It's the post before this.

Who gives a shit.

Unitedybevol — 2007-03-20T01:03:13-05:00

Since no one reads this I'll write what I am, and my collective thoughts.

I am a liar
A divider
A hater and a lover
I am the air you breathe
The one that reeks
The heart that seethes
The eye all meek

A heart to be disdained is mine
A heart forever lost in time
Clouded over by all the pain
That everyone else has to gain

A lost and unnerving thought
Of suicide runs these empty streets
For long I have always fought
Against the pounding of the feets
Trampled and dying
Released and flying

I am hating every bit of life
I am embracing, reacting
Compounding thoughts of death
Dropping in every pellet of meth

Crush this heart of mine like you always do
Explode this mind of mine you thought you knew
Rip apart these lifeless limbs
Draw the thoughts on pure just whims

You'll finally understand my ruin and my passing
When you heed my warning
When you're in midst of fasting
This life isn't adjourning isn't closing
My life isn't everlasting

Undecided I think before I leave
Between empty streets I will weave
Belatedly I will fade from this abysmal of a scene
As I end on life and on skill
As for I have no will,
But to give up on love is too obscene
I give willingly EVERYTHING and ANYTHING else.

Goodbye those forever shy
And wonder why they cannot fly
Those that cry for the lost of "Wise"
I'll leave you to ponder your demise
When I end all ties with all your lies

A Close Reading On My Poem.

Unitedybevol — 2007-03-23T02:03:01-05:00

Of The Broken And The Damned

A turn in perspectives
Leaves you in your thoughts
Dwell on what you've bought
On what you live
As soon as they all burn away
And leave you frayed

With open eyes you will see
A betrayal of the sun
That's left you on the run
You're left with thoughts of we
And your lies catch up
When they've had enough

You are in an existence
Where you'll face the truth
of what you are, mere youth
You'll turn in trodden countenance
Barred and spited
Shunned and hated

You'll have honest eyes
When you look deep within another
You'll have a chance, my brother or sister
To stand and right those lies
To brace this life
And drop the knife.

   I wrote this poem a few days ago at Aleah's house. I ended up deciding to write about being left alone and being hated because I felt that way for the time being. But I kept on thinking about how I talked with her and that everything's based on perspectives. So I guess I decided to incorporate the two together. but honestly I didn't really know what I was writing about.

   Today when re-reading the poem I realized, I was writing about parents, and parenting. A few days before me and my girlfriend Vanessa, (who's in utah) talked about having a kid when we're older. I always wanted a son first, to protect his sister, but then I thought about Weldon Kee's and about how he didn't want a kid. I thought about that too, would I be a good enough parent for my child?

   All it takes is one word Sun, I vaguely remember thinking about Sun and Son, so if you can change it. This is what it meant to me.

   The poem is about a parent, one that has mistreated thier child out of neglect, and just basically mistreatment. The child can no longer bear it and turns his or her back on the father or mother and the parent gives up hope. This happens mostly along the age differences between children and their parents and many upon millions of other reasons. Amoung those are teens, inexperianced and alone. Usually a girl that's in her teen's that is pregnant, is targeted for hate, being called a whore, slut and words upon that nature. I don't believe they are "whores" more of, inexperianced, and curious. (unless they already know what it feels like and do it with a bunch of other people.)

It's because of all the negative effects, being unaccustomed to being a parent, one parent usually bails. With all that pressure building up inside, the remaining parent will end up feeling alone, possibly without hope and suicidal. Brother and sister are pretty much what we all are, we're just of different races, color, creed, and religion. But what should that matter when someone turns to you for help? But still I stick to what my heart was always like. I'll help whoever I can, but if they constantly refuse to better themselves... I have no idea what to say to you.

... Give me a moment... Fuck you.

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-02T03:04:23-05:00

Im not gonna bother saying my life sucks. However I will say, I don't need anyone or anything anymore. It has become apparent to me that it's best if I walk through life alone and die alone.

I do not wish for your sympathic feelings or anything at all towards me. However if you wish to express your kindness and/or your sorrow... There are billions if not trillians of kids out there that have no home, no food, no friends. So before anyone else complains about their shit.

Do a little for the ones dying, the ones holding onto their mothers wishing their pain would go away, the ones with cancer running throughout their body, the ones that can't comprehend what life is when they die, the screaming babies that know not what they scream for, only the pain that causes their heart to turn and their nerves to pinch.

Do something for them, before you belittle yourself.

I may seem contridictory. But I'm not complaining about my life, I have only made a simple statement, "I don't need anyone." that is only a statement (not fact might I add).

I am complaining about the lazy ass mother fuckers sitting on their rich asses doing JACK KNOWS MOTHER FUCKING SHIT for anyone else and whining because they lose 100-1000 dollars. You fuckers have no life if you can't even begin to value anyone else's but the blood you've created or the blood that's created you. If you can't care for a simple stranger that's dying... Give me a moment... a split second... to say FUCK YOU! You don't deserve the fucking life you've been givin! If someone's fucking dying or injured and all you can fucking do is stand and watch out of amusement, entertainment, or curiousity...

How about the rest of the world and I stand by idly watching you beg for food everyday, stare at you while you find shelter from the rain, watch you writhe around in pain as the disease continues it's destructive course around your body, and just look on as you hold your dying child...

How about you stop watching and you help with whatever you can. With this much people in the world... it's easy to look away, but then again... it gets harder to look... away.

After it all.

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-05T02:04:11-05:00

Even after all the repairs... Still maybe, just maybe it's best if I don't have anyone close. I'm afraid of hurting them, and I'm afraid of being hurt. Emotionally... You can run me over and I won't give a shit... I'll just beat your ass into the ground and send you to hell but... yeah... back on track

It may be best if I don't have any girlfriends, best friends, or family. I'm afraid of hurting them and feeling so alone when they leave. I don't want to feel that way ever again, I don't want those feelings to keep on occuring and tearing me inside. I can't forgive myself for hurting someone and I can't ever hold a grudge when they hurt me... but when I hurt them, it's like there is no forgiveness... the word may exist to them, but when I hurt them... I can't forgive myself.

I've thought about it for a long time now... I don't want kids, I don't want a wife... If I am to die, I'll do it alone.

*starts singing*
Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (Repair)
You dismantle me
You dismantle me

Song.

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-06T03:04:36-05:00

Artist: Butch Walker Lyrics
Song: Maybe It's Just Me Lyrics

Maybe it's just me, but you seem finally happy
I don't think I've seen your face just glow
Like a neon sign and maybe we should be alone for ever after,
Cause even thought the nights are long
At least I'll make it another day

Cause I can't live if you're not happy
I can't live if you cry,
But I can live without you if it makes you smile

And maybe things got weird after all that went down
Things were oh so clear,
That I could never get the right
So tell me what your plans are
And tell me what you're doing
The only thing I'll hold against me is a picture of you tonight

Cause I can't live if you're not happy
I can't live if you cry,
But I can live without you if it makes you smile
And I can't wait to see you rise
And I can't wait for you to shine
But I can wait for you if all you need is...

Time for you to think things over
Time to talk the drama down
It's not a contest of who'll try harder
Or who'll cross the finish line

And I can't live if you're not happy
I can't live if you cry,
But I can live without you if it makes you smile
And I can't wait to see you rise
And I can't wait for you to shine
But I can wait for you if all you need is time

I can't continue

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-08T03:04:21-05:00

I can't continue with life the way it is, I want to change it.
I can't proceed with my heart, In midst of molding it
I can't just lie my way through, Unveil eyes of truth
I am missing every heartbeat, When I think of her

I thought I could but I can't. I can't let her go, not just like that. You know who you are, I can't let you vanish but I'll stay here as your friend if that is what you need. I'll do whatever it takes to just stay in touch.

Weary... As life can be...

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-10T05:04:43-05:00

I'm tired of running
Tired of looking
Tired of feeling

Every single muscle in this body
Will be worked till there's nobody
Every heartbeat that fades away
Will rip and tear me where I lay

"Fuck you world, I'm sick of you
Sick of poverty and what you do
Sick of the rich mistreating the poor
FUCKING sick of rich wanting more"

I am tired, tired and weary
I don't want to smile
When my heart feels eerie
Let me hang from the ropes awhile
Let me feel the hearts of gallows

Endless talk of empty suicide
What I said I could have lied
Maybe it is the truth
Won't know as blood stains youth

Just a single bead of blood
While bodies are covered by the mud
I hate that fucking lust
The undying, unyeilding "must"

End it all tonight
End it all by dying light
Fuck the, light, at the end of tunnels
Led me to the burning worlds of hell
All they did they only funneled
A heart drowning in empty wells.

A weary traveler
Along a path so full
They the unravelers
So full of bull

Led me so astray
As to believe I have a place to stay
They'll murder me in my sleep
Entwine me without a peep

Slit my throat, one quick stroke
A stupid unfledged bloke
His heart they did so loathe
Heart and mind... even both

Stand hating against the world
World stand hating against the man
The man who's feelings burrowed
His life he repremands

Repremand the unjust mortal of the lies
Deny the simples pleasures, joys in life
Lie, absent from thoughts of being alive
Fuck the world, EMBRACE the scythe

I am death in all its glory
Man, woman, or children I can not spare
I am death, you won't adore me
Why? It's not that I don't care

The blood spilling
And all the killing.
My sister granted you your longing desire
Breathed life into you whom she sired

Now you kill off one another destroying her precious gift
The balance ends as lines begin to shift
I will reap you with the scythe of death
From ashes of legends comes truth of myth

Horses of apocalypse
Invoked by your eclipse
A blind side of heart for one another
Knew you not, only to sever
Ties of family, friends and lovers
Giggling beneath the sullen covers
You lie... so blindsided

Words you spoke as truth to me
Your actions denied them, sadly.
Don't lay eyes upon this demon
When you call him but a heathen
I saw your actions with my own eyes
Stared at them and then you lied

I am blasphemous in being
Loud and obnoxious
I am death forever weaving
Concieted and pretentious
Contridicting and misbelieving
Fictional in doing so
Eradicate me as I am naive
Let my spirit flow
Flow till nothing as I let it go

I wish no feelings or sentiments, disposition of emotion
I wish no familiarity or fellowship, no perception by intrusion
I will not sway and I can not turn
It is I you flayed, and you I yearned
Now leave me to this feeling of being burned.

Breaking Benjamin - Breathe

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-15T06:04:28-05:00

I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.

Is it over yet, in my head

I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.

is it over yet, I can't win

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.

I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.

I'm going all the way, get away, please.

Chorus:

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.

Pour salt into the open wound.

Is it over yet? let me in.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.

I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.

I'm going all the way, get away, please

Chorus:

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

Bridge:

I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating.

Chorus:

You take the breath right out of me

You left a hole where my heart should be.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

This is a good song but I'm more for the way the song is sung rather then the lyrics but the lyrics have some parts the I feel are true.

I look at these hands of mine.

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-16T01:04:08-05:00

    Silence grips the air and he begins to starve, starved off from the dense air. Dense... filthy blood filled air. He can't bear it, his vision begins to blur and he holds onto his heart, the one that refuses to beat further no matter how much he called out to it.
    On his knees he feels the blood rushing from his eyes and wounds. A crimson pool of blood around his knees, puddling on the floor. He can't hear the voice, his ears are weak, deaf. They refuse to listen to the scream no matter how much he strains them. Still his eyes begin to blur further and he feels the ground laced with blood. He clenches it and crushes it feeling it ooze through his crippled fingers. He can't stop crushing the dirt, he can't stop the scream, the blood won't stop exploding towards his skull and leaking through his wounds and eyes.
    It's been to long since he's lived, too long, nothing more nothing less... just too long. A weak child screaming at the stars for god knows what. Gripping the air hanging onto life the child cries... Why? To live... He's lived this long. He stares at the sky and for a split second remember's her face, a face he'd die to protect. One that's been gone for so long. In truth he died protecting that face. Died inside, protecting that face from him.
    He left those jubilant eyes to protect her from his own malevolent eyes. He wanted so much to hold her, so much he left. He knew he'd kill her with time, with the time he was given to live. He would strive to live, just to kill those eyes of his.
    The ground seem to tilt beneath his knees and the world began to spin as he saw the flush red sky fade to darkness. The ground as clear as day, the morning sun darkened by clouds that couldn't rain. His confusion would reign the world. He stood slowly and stared at his enemy.
    He rushed the enemy, the enemy rushed him. They fought and tore at each other like souless demons, that's what they were, matching move for move. They tore at each other without flinching eyes. The teeth and fingers like knives the muscles, mechanized, moving without a sign of stopping though bleeding and torn. The skin, like paper, so fragile yet so light, so scarred and shredded.
    They couldn't stop, this fight started when he was born, it could never end, if one died so would the other. He fought himself inside his mind, he destroyed every maze inside his head with his anger at the world. That is till she came along.

    He crumpled to his knee's in pain, the tears freezing to his cheeks. His anguished met no end as he stared at the snow powdered open area, then back at his love, in the snow. Her almond skin stood out against the paled snow and her soft brown hair strewn across the snow's surface. He stared at her lifeless lids and softly ran his lips across hers, the lips that iced over with his very touch.
    Thoughts ran through his head and he cried a solid river of icy tears. Were his hands always this cold and calloused, was his heart always this cold and desperate? He ran his fingers through her soft hair and held her close. He heard a thunderous crack run beneath him and his heart turned to stone. He rushed out of the clearing with her tightly in his arms, his breath begin to thin and dissipate, the river edge was too far in the snow. He lurched and lost balance, his love falling out of his arms as another thunderous crack broke out beneath him, he fell in and felt needles stabbing him from all sides. The frigid water didn't feel like it was as cold as his heart, he felt the water pull him down and let his last breath go and his thoughts wander on the past when he first held her.
    He remembered so clearly what it was like before... An endless fight throught his life. He hated every second of it and harmed everything that was around. A wildfire, never ceasing for a second glance at who was caught in the inferno. It only calmed when she touched him, when she held his hand, layed her head upon his shoulder, when she held him. She accepted all of his pain as her own, she accepted his pain with more then just that. She accepted her own.
    She understood his anger and hatred. She understood his urge kill the life force itself. Most of all she understood his loneliness, the same loneliness that she went through. She knew his reasons for all the murder and knew he meant no harm, that he killed for good reason. Still she stopped him with her touch. A warming touch, that touch was everything, it blinded his anger and sadness it cleared his mind from confusion. He stopped fighting and killing. The battle came to end, the mirror shattered every time. He stopped fighting himself and all he was.
    She understood him best while no one else could. He would look into her cold sad eyes, she would look into his, the eye of the hurricane. The most calming wind of all, rage revolved around the iris but in the center, through the glass she dismissed the clouds, cleared the shadows. She gave him her heart, allowed him to crush it, she knew he wouldn't, she knew he couldn't. The slow unsteady lie that was his cover, his innocence, she saw through that like a spear. Through his destructive force she held his hand so that the demons would be immobilized.
    Of all people, she knew him and they killed her. Not a stray bullet, not an unsteady hand, but a well aimed round.

    He dropped his knees and pawed at her, looked at her soft matted brown hair strewn across the snow. He looked out onto the powdered landscape and diciphered the direction of the .50 caliber bullet. He licked her lips and growled. Her face layererd with blood, frozen, it iced over his tongue with the salty metallic taste. He shook his head and body and stomped the ground till they calloused. The cold of loss bit his heart and threw him back to his violent past. Tears ran down his face and he layed his head upon hers and whimpered.
    A violent thunder exploded from behind him and his heart turned to stone. He struggled to hold her with his arms, trying not to dig into her precious skin with his teeth. He tried to pull her to the shore, but plowing through the snow with his body made the shore too far. His efforts showed through thinning breathes. In a final effort he dug his claws into the ice and heaved her body towards the shore. The ice cracked beneath his feet and he hurled her towards the shore before he fell in. Again and again he tried to pull himself up but the ice wouldn't sustain his weight. It cracked and boomed it's hatred at him over and over. He roared at the sky, tired and weary he began to drown, the water freezing, his glacial heart. His hair soaked the water and pulled him under.
    He was left with just thinking of her, how he'll find his peace again.

The man opened the door with a smile on his face, "They've been killed."
She looked at him, "Both beasts?"
"Yup, got the brown one straight through the skull, the boy's be bringing it in with the truck soon."
She smiled, "Damn horrid beasts, those bears."
His smile faded. "Never thought a bear would hold emotion... kinda weird, like the thing was almost human."

Just for you

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-20T02:04:18-05:00

You know who you are. I've never felt more comfortable and alive when I was with you, and still the feeling continues when we part ways.

I meant it when I said I love you
I meant it when I said I'll always be there
I meant it when I said I care about you and everyone you care about
I meant all of it. Make me wait if you will, just dont make me wait in vain.

I'm willing to wait for forever, if I could I would immobilize the hands of time. I will wait for as long as you want me to, but I won't wait in vain.

How I love it so much

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-26T02:04:12-05:00

I love how I lie to myself. I'm writing a story... Yes it's about me, no it's not me. It's metaphorically, it's unfinished so bear with me. The full production will come to you in about 4-5 months... short story.

    He ran after her screaming her name through shortage of breath, still the train went on. No matter how loud he screamed his hoarse voice was left to the wind. She leaned out the window her white dress rippling and whipping with the wind, her brown hair fighting the wind and flailing about. Her ivory skin, pure, shown in the afternoon sun, here eyes a soft but vibrant blue peirced his memory and she screamed back to him through choked voice and flooded tears, "I love you, I'm sorry!"
    He felt like he ran forever so he fell to his knees, arms limp at the side. His tears still held behind those lids, but his face so sullen it brought the sun to an end. The sun behind the horizon left the sky black, blue and vibrant red like his beaten heart.
    His voice so soft it was caught by the dead still air and tossed around. "Why'd you leave, why did you leave now?"
    He brought his eyes to the heavens drowning the tears back into his eyes and got back on his feet. He would find her, no matter how long it took, he'd find her.

    He laid there in bed, still and silent, just staring at the picture of the two of them. He smiled slightly and wondered how she would look now. He thought about it for the longest time and then looked at the back of the photo, June 3rd, 1937. It's been twenty one years since he last saw her, he wanted to find her again and hold her again. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine her face, those sapphire like eyes, like gems they held him captive. Her skin, soft, light and clear. He remembered running his hand along her back as he held her close, he remembered the touch, the smell of lilacs danced around her.

Love

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-27T03:04:36-05:00

I feel this creeping up my back and sides, like her hands. Softly, gently, that tingling feeling showing me her prescence. Love. What is it? I don't understand, I don't want to understand. I want so much to feel in love, but it wants so much to avoid me. I don't want to keep looking, but I was told to "carpe diem" "seize the day"... Should I? should I continue looking? Will I find the person that resembles that one person I found? Will I find Love again? Time just loves secrets.

To many questions to man secrets, it's to damn confusing.

My Blue Heaven - Taking Back Sunday.

Sick.

Unitedybevol — 2007-04-28T02:04:36-05:00

I'm sick of human nature, the will to persevere through pain of others. Turning your back on one another. Fuck you all, be glad I am not a demon or an angel, I would've damned most of you already.

Your sins, your corrupted. I hate them. If I'm provoked to, I'll create my sin to destroy yours.

I'm sick of lies
All the dead end ties
What you say and what you do
They aren't things you keep true
I will alter this generation
God willing through murderous redemption
It's clearly given, I may
Destroy all in the way

Your blood and status
Is only an unjust hiatus
In the line of loyalty and honor
I'll lacerate your mind
And leave you to wander
To hell your soul I'll bind
Change all of your fucked up actions
Or I'll come for you alone or with factions.

Wow

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-02T03:05:04-05:00

So many empty words from so many people... makes you wonder who you can really rely on.

I'm done spending money so recklessly, especially for other people. I'm gonna spend it on people who have nothing at all.

Anyway, today's okay, made new friends in different classes, WHooop whoop! go me! Met up with Lynil and then scott, went to T.G.I.F. for dinner, sooo good, still sooo hungry. Now I'm tired... but I'm playing games so whatever =P.

P.S. I'm going to put a post on pretty much every day now, so keep in to find out about my mundane life! ^ ^! I will most likely post a new song, poem or story on here so Keep check and leave a comment when humanly possible!! and since you're on here reading this. I know you have time to comment XP. Later.

CHICKEN POO!!

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-02T07:05:01-05:00

CHICKEN POO!!

Like I didn't clarify that enough. *Humph*

There's nothing to eat, I don't know how to cook =P. And the swear jar is now in no one's favor...

Drat. Lynil owed me 8 dollars for swearing so much, and now it's back down to ZERO! DAMMIT! I need the free money!

On a serious note:

I'm really thinking there's no place for me in society, not like, "oh, nobody likes me" But in the sense of I'm SO myself and SO different, I have my own clique where no one comes in. I mean, lately it's been easier for me to just look around and see what people are like, what they do and how they act.

Still contemplating on that fact, I'm also looking at how the media is setting us up into different groups. They're seperating males and females, giving us roles that we follow subconsiously.

Why? Why do I have to feel victim because of everyone's conformatiy? I'm no different, but why am I feeling attacked and alone?

These are questions I asked myself too often now. I try not to think about them by checking out girls in my classes, and given there are a few. I see them looking back but I have no clue as to how they feel, I look in their eyes and their social status to view myself, immediately I believe they're not looking at me, they're looking through me staring at the outcast that isn't misunderstood, but can't be interpreted. How am I so different that I feel this way?

Help me

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-03T07:05:06-05:00

I'm falling apart no matter how together I am, a slow rolling pain is coming from my fingers as I type this, it strives through my heart and seizes it still. My head feels light and my heart feels heavy, thoughts of death... they're running rampant through me. Anger at this fucking media based society... I believe if I can get over seeing a dead person and blood... this world will going to burn.

I believe I'm going insane, but I can still admit I may be going insane... perhaps I'm not.

FUCK I want to scream and tear apart everything! I can't feel my arms my gut eats away at itself, my health declines faster my skin is paler, almost a shade of gray when I look in the mirror. I want so much to destroy everything. I want so much bleed for this society, to save it... I want to burn it down and force it to open those sealed eyes and hearts and rise from it's sinned ashes.

If provoked... I will kill you, if I don't, I'll make sure you feel the pain of a thousand diseased children, screaming for help.

Read me and look through their eyes. The eyes that search for hope with faith. They rely on words to survive, what else can a mother or father do besides give their child a loving heart. Without a home, where is their shelter... in their parents arms, hiding from the storms. Without food, what will they eat... The scraps the scavenge in the dumps, the shit we waste and take for granted, if they can't find the food, they eat the dying air. Without a doctor who do they turn to... their mothers and fathers, telling them that they'll somehow get better, someone will adopt them, someone will find a heart for them... lies... all lies... This world contains so much more pain and IGNORANCE, OBLIVIOUSNESS, AND NAIVE mother fuckers living their god damn selfish lives. FUCK YOU ALL! FUCK YOU! I'm not willing to wait for someone, I'm not willing to see more people die from starvation... Fuck you all for hording money like demons to a helpless soul.

I WILL kill you, I WILL scar you. I WILL NOT be takin lightly, NOT when there's pain in anothers eyes. I don't GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FUCKING LIFE! NO matter HOW MUCH you say I'll lose. I AM NOT YOU, you don't know shit about me. You don't know what I'll lose. List it all, I have my reasons for giving it up. If I can open your eyes and your heart... I'll do whatever it takes. I'll sacrifice my life and burn if it'll give those poor children hope.

Dawn of Ducks

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-04T05:05:11-05:00

Working on a new song for Dawn of Ducks... Apparently I've kicked everyone out of the band cuz no one's doing shit cept for me...

I'm working on an un-sung song cuz I don't have a microphone... thank gosh.

Anyway, stop by my band site and support me, Please! =P

Myspace.com/dawnofducks

Yes I'm currently looking for members

If the group does make it big, like Breaking Benjamin big, or Green Day big, at least half of the money will go to building a mansion for the homeless.

Okay, I'm done, here's the deal

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-05T02:05:30-05:00

I want you to be accountable for your word, I don't want you being late, because I know how fucked up it is to keep someone waiting. I'm tired of empty excuses and reasons.

If you piss me off more then about eight times, EXPECT me to make assumptions of you pissing me off more.

Don't tell me your empty words, I'm fucking sick of it. You get my hopes up and rip them away... Fuck you. I've got nothing else to say on this topic.

Don't be a fucking flake.

Don't complain about your fucking life situations if you're not doing shit about it. Complain about not having enough money? Get a job. Complain about how your parents are hating you? Take the time to talk to them, you may find out what they're asking for isn't as unreasonable as other parents or for that matter your bosses.

You know who you are, you know what I'm sick of and I hope you know that this friendship is riding on a very thin string.

By the way, this doesn't just go out to one person. This goes out to EVERYONE ALIVE. Including me, only one thing though, I DON'T flake on people, I'm about 97% of the time, EARLY if not ON TIME and I'm becoming more of a responsible person. SOOOoo, this means, I'm NOT being a hypocrite and I do what I say.

Keep in mind, any threat I make will NOT be empty. I am too fond of giving more then second chances... but yes eventually I'll get sick of it.

Just let this be a warning. Don't stress out, just improve. If I see no improvement, there will be no more chances.

Here it is dammit.

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-06T03:05:05-05:00

Okay, before I actually post this let me say one thing... usually when you save this as a draft or something it'll give you suggested tags... I don't know how in the fucking hell it gave me "Fuck white people" WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MINDSAY?! AND Which one of you fucking assholes actually used that as a tag?! If you have, for shame you racist ass licking son of a bitch.

Onto what I'm actually posting:

I already told this to one person, but in case any of you aren't fucking clear on how i've been...

I've backed away from EVERYONE (maybe excluding firefang because we keep talking and don't have problems because we don't expect anything)...

I already gave up calling people because no one calls me, why the fuck should I go the extra mile if in the end it makes it all fucking god damn worthless? Why the fuck do I have to go so far out of my way to be treated like everyone else? Do I not try to be a good friend? Do I not do more then others? Am I such an asshole that I'm untrustworthy?

All those questions. FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM! I'm SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING THAT WAY! SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF TALKING TO PEOPLE WHEN I'M JUST GOING TO BE LET DOWN?!

Fuck being let down! I'm sick of it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still there for people, if you want the help, call me. If I accept which I do 99.9% of the time, expect me to do it because I don't go back on my word unless something drastic happens. But don't expect me to go out of my way anymore, I'm sick of going out of my way just to be forgotten.

Believe me or not, but it's gonna be hell of a lot harder for me to let anyone back into my life completely. With exception of three people, and they're the people I've always been closest too. Take a guess I dare you. You won't get more then one right. (at least I don't think so)

Dammit

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-07T11:05:09-05:00

I'm tired, and my legs are sore. *shrugs* I can care less. Hmmm... I still have three essays... well 2 an half cuz I fell asleep on my first one two nights ago XD

I've been listening too

Thanks to a few people it's going to become a HELL OF A LOT harder to be my friend or be closer to me. Right now EVERYONE I know is set to aquaintence, even the people I say are exceptions, my mom, Nik, and Vanessa. Everyone's set to aquaintence, meaning, you're not my friend, you're someone I'll help out and talk to casually. (Yes I am regretting that I set my exceptions to aquaintences) Everyone's starting at zero. I don't fucking care what the hell happened in the past, everyone's starting with a clean slate. But it's not easy, if you want to be my friend, go out of your way (Nik already is) Take a few more steps then you have to or have been. PROVE to me you are a friend.

I don't care how much YOU think YOU'RE a good friend but you're gonna need to meet MY expectations.

Me an quizzes

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-08T02:05:36-05:00

You Sometimes Hold a Grudge

You aren't exactly vengeful, but you're not going to forget when someone wrongs you.
And while you'll forgive the small things, you don't hand out too many second chances to people who really screw up.

Do You Hold a Grudge?

This is pretty true

I'm not getting the other quizzes to post right...

Pain to the underground

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-09T02:05:55-05:00

(Before you read this, read "Dammit" if you haven't already. Should be two posts down)

A shot to the face and the helpless lay dying
Reloading our "empty" guns we look on smiling
As they lie there rasping and gasping for air
We're continuing on musing how life's unfair
While all the world lays bare

We take the world in stride
From danger and hatred we hide
Forgetting the hopes and dreams of others
We the despairing and nightmarish fuckers
Will ignore the call of dying lovers

We continue to live on through isolation
Ignoring the fact that there's desolation
We believe we've done enough do assist humanity
But our faiths has only led us towards vanity
Because we fall victim to media's insanity

We kick the earth and embrace the miasma
Resulting in children with crying with asthma
We refuse to seek a cure for breast cancer
Metaphorically implying we'd rather seek sexual answers
Compare the talk between breast cancer to enhancers

Our paths have strayed from our god's purpose
We continue to stand weak and nervous
We ignore the problems that are at hand
And let all the lives slip like sand
Just because we refuse to understand

Into the urban jungle! Release those hounds!
Fusillade of bullets! Quick hide behind the mounds!
You'll be killed if you stand there dumbfounded!
Ignorance, I beg thee please!
Unleash hell and pain upon the underground!

Underground and underprivileged, those literally weak in the heart and knees...

Cells

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-10T05:05:33-05:00

It sucks being without a cell... but then I don't really have a need for it... do I?

=P I forgot mine at home cuz i was working on my hair HAHahahahh... I feel girly, but it's cool.

Hey there

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-11T03:05:56-05:00

Nothing intellectual this time.

I'm just tired and somewhat horny, yeah I'll say it I'm horny so what. Not really gonna do much about it, too much FUCKING ESSAYS! comon! why the hell essays huh teachers?! Why? I don't think Imma need to learn how to write an essay the rest of my life... maybe I do.... pthhh.

I'm getting hungry, not much to eat cept cereal.

I need help deciding something! Please help!

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-11T05:05:16-05:00

I need a laptop for school, so I'm looking at one that's light but I'm also gonna be using it to watch movie and go online. I'll be walking around alot so weight is sort of a problem. I'll have money in about 3 months to buy the most expesive one here, but I don't have th money right now.

Latitude D420

Weight: 3.0 lbs 1" thin
Width:11.6"
Height: 1"
Depth: 8.25"

Screen: 12.1" Wide Screen WXGA (1280 x 800 resolution) LCD Panel

Processor: Intel® Core™ Duo Processor ULV U2400 (1.06GHZ, 533Mhz)

Operating System: Genuine Windows® XP Home Edition, SP2, with media

Memory: 1.0GB, DDR2-533 SDRAM, (512MB Integrated) 2 DIMMs

Hard Drive: 30GB Hard Drive, 8MM, 4200RPM

Video Card: Intel® Integrated Graphics Media Accelerator 950

Battery: 9 Cell Primary Battery

Drives: D-Bay plus 24X CD-ROM Drive

Wireless Card: Intel® 3945 802.11a/g Dual-Band Mini Card

Bluetooth: Dell Wireless® 350 Bluetooth Module

Total with tax and shipping: $1,533.99

XPS M1210

Weight: 4.4 Lbs
Width: 11.70"
Height: 1.20"
Depth: 8.70"

Screen size: 12.1" Widescreen WXGA (1280 x 800) display with TrueLife

Processor: Intel® Core™ 2 Duo T5600 (1.83GHz, 2MB L2 Cache, 667 MHz FSB)

Operating System: Genuine Windows Vista™ Home Premium

Memory: 1GB Shared Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 667MHz (2 Dimms)

Hard Drive: 80GB 5400RPM SATA Hard Drive

Video Card: Integrated Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 950

Sound Card: Integrated Sound Blaster® Audigy™HD Software Edition

Battery: 85 WHr 9-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery

Drives: 24X CD Burner/DVD Combo Drive

Wireless Card: Hi-Speed: Dell Wireless 1500 Wireless-N

Bluetooth: Dell Wireless 355 Bluetooth Internal (2.0 + Enhanced Data Rate)

Extras:

Integrated Webcam and Mobile Broadband Antenna (1.3 mega pixel camera)

12% off systems priced $1600 and up with 3/4 yr At-Home service.

Total with tax and shipping: $1,565.81

Latitude D620

Weight: 4.37 lbs and 1.26" thin
Width: 13.27"
Height: 1.26"
Depth: 9.37"

Screen size: 14.1 inch Wide Screen WXGA+ LCD Panel

Processor: Intel® Core™ 2 Duo T5500 (1.66GHz) 2M L2 Cache, 667Mhz Dual Core

Operating System: Genuine Windows® XP Home Edition, SP2, with media

Memory: 1.0GB, DDR2-533 SDRAM, 2 DIMMS

Hard Drive: 40GB Hard Drive, 9.5MM, 5400RPM

Video Card: 256MB NVIDIA® Quadro NVS 110M TurboCache

Battery: 9 Cell Primary Battery

Drives: 24X CD-ROM Drive

Wireless Card: Intel® 3945 802.11a/g Dual-Band Mini Card

Bluetooth: Dell Wireless® 350 Bluetooth Module

Extras:

Standard Touchpad

Total with tax and shipping: $1,385.35

Inspirion E1405 Dual Core

Weight: 5.3 lbs with intergrated graphics and 1.5" thin
Width: 12.99"
Height: 1.52"
Depth: 9.56"

Screen: 14.1 inch WXGA+ UltraSharp™ TFT Display with TrueLife™(glossy)

Processor: Intel® Core™ 2 Duo T5500 (1.66GHz, 2MB L2 Cache, 667 MHz FSB)

Operating System: Genuine Windows Vista™ Home Premium

Memory: 1GB DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz, 2 Dimm

Hard Drive: 120GB Hard Drive

Video Card: Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 950

Sound Card: Integrated Sound Blaster® Audigy™HD Software Edition

Battery: 85 WHr 9-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery

Drives: 24X CD Burner/DVD Combo Drive
With limited price: 8X CD/DVD Burner (DVD+/-RW) with double-layer DVD+R write capability

Wireless Card: Intel Next-Gen Wireless-N

Bluetooth: Dell Wireless 355 Bluetooth Internal (2.0 + Enhanced Data Rate)

Total with tax and shipping: $1,503.80
$1,304.62 limited time

Disscusion for the ignorant

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-14T04:05:12-05:00

Where do you get the idea that soldiers are just pawns and should be sent to war and left for dead? Ladies... how did you come across the idea that if your boyfriend or husband is in the war, that makes you a big shot wife/girlfriend?... Support him, don't run your mouth and brag about him. Cause one day, the other may brag of a living husband.

I'm discussing this because I have ventured into people that ARE like this, and they NEED to change. I am not yelling I am merely emphasising.

Our soldiers don't get a choice where they want to go, if they're in the army, navy, airforce, marines... they are sent wherever they are told to go. So what gives you the idea that the ALL the soldiers want to go to Iraq to get shot at, or anywhere to get shot at for that matter?

Here's an example: My friend Micheal is standing there trying to talk his friend out of going to the marines because he doesn't want to see his friend die. Some stupid ass bimbo butts in and says, "If he wants to go to the marines, let him, just because you're a pussy doesn't mean he's a pussy."

My answer: YOU'RE A FUCKING BIMBO, THAT'S POINT NUMBER ONE! Point TWO would be, I don't see YOU risking YOUR fucking whore like ass on the battlefield! By the way, since you're obviously fucking stupid! Let me clarify that DEATH and KILLING AREN'T the same as in the fucking movies! If THAT friend dies, he is GONE! HE IS NOT coming back! You can't just fucking rewind the god damn war you stupid ass bitch!

You're so fucking lucky I have people restraining me or that I'll be restrained, and you're also lucky you're a girl. If you weren't I'd have you watch on as the blood rushes from the bullet wound in your gut. Because MAYBE then you'll draw your head out from under your ass and UNDERSTAND that a soldiers LIFE isn't to be TOYED WITH! And calling someone a PUSSY for not joining the war AUTOMATICALLY puts you up as the number one pussy whipped bitch!

The second thing I wanted to clairify is that I'm so SICK of people NOT supporting OUR troops! If you're supporting the TROOPS you're not automatically supporting the war you fucking dumbshit! Ever think about what the army gives you when you join?! Money for college, a home within the base, honor, integrity? Not all the soldiers in the army are looking to rape, kill, and get shot. Not all of them joined to go to war! Some felt there only way making it was to go through with the war. So get it through your head that this war and our troops are two very SEPERATE matters.

As every day goes by we lose a few soldiers, it's not the soldier I'm worried about, it's what the soldier was, still is, a daughter, a son, father, mother, brother, sister, a lover and a family member. You people are so ignorant to think that a soldier is someone with a gun. Yes they're train to kill, to defend OUR home and OUR lives, so how fucking greedy are you when you turn your backs on them?! I swear to every soul on this planet... If I can get away with it, I will kill you and drag your soul to the depths of hell for the greatest sin, BETRAYAL! people that ignore the war, ignore the poverty, and/or ignore the dying planet... if you ignore them all... you don't deserve your life what-so-ever. God did not put you here so you can stick your head so far up your ass and struggle to survive by destroying the lives of others.

Those that live a life of avarice, ignorance, gluttony, killing for the fun or in the false name/purpose of, I can not forgive and I will everlastingly look down upon them. I am not a god, an angel, or a devil, nor am I human. If to be human is to be of greed, useless malice, stupidity by ignorance, hoarder of food and life, an entity that would rather strive for fucked up pleasure then simply help his fellow man... I am sorry but I am something else entirely.

Is it enough? Would it be enough?

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-16T01:05:00-05:00

Isn't it enough that I'm changing as much as I can? That I'm getting good grades now, I'm trying my best in school, I listen to her? My over all relationship on my part has gotten so much better... now it's not, it's back to the same arguing it was back then.

People say you don't realize what you've got till you lose it. And if that's the case then you take things for granted. I respect what I have that's inanimate up till the point where I snap. I've always been thankful I have a mom, but she's never shown me that she cares. I mean a roof, food, and clothes... yeah those are ways, but superficial ways. I didn't ASK for anything big and spectacular.

So it's not enough that I have done everything that I can, and Im still trying to do more. She expects so much out of me, and when I meet that expectation, it's considered useless.

She calls me useless, ungrateful, and a worthless brat. I admit I was all those when I was a little kid because I did not know better, I grew up used to just watching TV and not doing anything because she raised me on that way. I was never asked to do anything, never had to do chores. My grades were ALWAYS F, fail... because I was so lazy, right now they're at High B's and A's... My attitude has changed alot or at least I would hope so.

But to call me ungrateful and worthless, and even useless... it shows how much she see's me changing. She's so absorbed in taking things out on me. I know she just lost her job and I'm doing whatever i can to help... but to say all that... maybe I need to disappear so she can see how much she's taking me for granted.

Only one problem, I wouldn't ever leave. I love my mom, I would die for her, I would take her over my friends because I've known her for so long and she's done alot.

I ask for your help once again

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-17T03:05:25-05:00

There's so much pain and poverty rampaging our streets. There's orphans taken in by the state and then sent to a foster home... those that do age out.

When the child turns 18 they age out, meaning that the children are removed from the system and are to set out as adults. In 2002 alone 19,509 aged out, 50% spend their first year on the streets homeless. It's not that they don't try, but it's that they're lost, children that have been taken into a foster home are usually victims of all sorts, from neglect to molestation. There's so much that can be done. That should be done and needs to be done to help those children... I can't do it alone...

Please, find it in your hearts to let as many people as you know about this

If you doubt me... at least read her story:

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/agingout/mystory/risa.html
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/agingout/about/risa.html

Thanks for the help you heartless bastards

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-18T02:05:09-05:00

Self explanitory.

If you can turn away from the homeless, from people starving, from kids that have no where to go and are aging out...

I'm going to find you, and I'm gonna kill you.

This is not just a threat. This is a declaration.

A precious friendship walks the land

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-19T02:05:08-05:00

I'm not gonna help you if you can't help yourself. I'm done wasting my time.

Nik, Aleah, and everyone else... I'm gonna have to take that back, I've based my life on loyalty, I can't quit on you now, even will all the crap that's going on through my head. I can't quit, it took more then a few talks from Nik for me to realize this. Friends are friends till the end. I've been so self absorbed in thinking that anyone could meet my expectations... truth is, I will continue making these expections... now out of habit rather then want.

I am sorry, forgive me or not I'll always be here.

Vanessa, I'll always be here for you no matter what whether you want to talk to me or not. Give me a call, I'll find my way to you somehow, you'll always have a shoulder to lean on.

Marriage Essay

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-21T01:05:39-05:00

Marriage

Marriage is considered to be a holy entwinement, a union between souls and beings; well that's what we'd like to think. In reality all religions aside, it's a way to heighten status for both or either one of the mates, a way to gain more income and another source of income, a way to hold a heart, and a way to show commitment, but why show commitment only to divorce later, is it because of the freedom to choose who we want? Why is it so hard for two people of the same sex marry, why does the interracial difference give off such a negative effect?

As the time continues to come by and face us time after time, we see ourselves discovering our “freedoms” little by little. Women back then didn't work in the factories and facilities were always within the home. As industrialization came hand in hand with other institutions like schools and hospitals, society began to change. A slight bit of freedom is given to them as the time progresses. Now that Americans have the freedom to choose, to divorce, to do whatever they want with the relationship and sculpt it to how they see fit, or simply abandon it. Being able to divorce makes it easier then dealing with the person you thought you loved. As we abuse our freedoms we start to forget what true love is and love starts turning into words of lust.

Being able to choose our partners we can choose to leave them if they aren’t “fit” enough to rise to our needs; by doing this how can we say we really loved them in the first place. We say we truly love someone yet we leave them and choose another, that isn’t true love. True love is when you know you’ve met your soul mate, the one that over the years slaved away at the relationship, giving into all its wills and whims. If a divorce solves a problem, so be it, but if it is a permanent ideal, then there’s much to be said on how that heart only seeks pleasure.

We are steered towards what isn’t normal and socially accepted. Gays and lesbians are denied marriage because it’s “unrighteous”, no, more of because the person can’t see themselves go through with that kind of act. People try to step in the shoes but they can’t walk in it for long, because even then they view homosexuality as wrong and disgusting just because they have not yet experienced (taking the steps)/understand what is what is so special between homosexual couple and what the heart longs for. Not only does the mind reject what it doesn’t understand but the heart also denies what it can’t comprehend. The same goes for interracial marriage.

Generations before us hated the fact that there was mix in between blood lines. Even though it’s more accepted now then it was back then, some people are still skeptical about the idea. Even if a person may accept interracial marriage he or she may still reject the idea of dating a certain race. As long as there are different preferences there will always be a slight racism in choosing a partner. Being that the older generation tends to be more reserved they’ll lay down the law on who they don’t want their child going out with or marrying. Interracial marriage is more accepted then lesbian or gay marriage, due to the belief that interracial marriage came first because of rebellious “teens” (back then). Each coming generations tries to out do the generation before it, and takes things to the extreme to prove something more, but their children will try to out do them. As generations pass we come closer to living naked life.

People should have the freedom to choose whomever they want and however they want. When they do they should focus on that relationship and their own daily lives. If they focus too much on one or the other, they’ll create a rift due to the shifting of the balance.

“I [GROOM] take thee, [BRIDE], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

“I [BRIDE], take thee, [GROOM], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. Americans are taking their vows and loves for granted, our love lives seems to be raging out of control as we go on from one lover to the next without the thought of that last “lover” if we had worked, would’ve been my soul mate. A soul mate isn’t someone who’ll just agree with you all the time and do what you say, that’s your slave, your bitch and your hired worker.

A soul mate is someone that you take comfort in, care about, willing to offer your life, loyalty, honor, honesty and hope. Being a soul mate is much more then being married, being married is only just a step in claiming that right.

A grain of sand in a barren land

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-24T10:05:34-05:00

When I thought everything healed it starts slipping through my fingers... my fine grains of sand I'm sorry to let you go so soon, flow down and spread throughout the land. Cover your barren fire shrouded kingdom with your hard light surface. I let one go and the rest of you follow like hollow shells. I'm trying so hard to clasp these hands of mine to KEEP you here! To keep you close, not to let you go, but like the ground you stand solid... like the sand you slip forever.

As I move onward and off my knee's only more of you are to fall from the heavens, the heaven of hell. From this height tangled in the roots of my holy kingdom, I stand tall. You call my name as you glide away, no longer hearing the maddening voices, thun- ....

If you wanna read the rest please go here:

Join and check out my site.

http://unitedybevol.imeem.com/

It means alot to me if you do.

It's not fully posted because mindsay and myspace are being dicks...

Just when I thought I healed.

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-25T12:05:14-05:00

As the post below I have posted how I felt...

Now.. I don't know why but I feel so helpless and as insecure as ever. I long to hold pull the weapon of evil, i long for it to feed upon my head and shred me. It can't be as bad as how helpless and abandoned I feel.

I know I have people, I know I'm not alone... but I'm still searching for what should be right there. I feel so lost.

Hold this hand

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-28T04:05:46-05:00

Hold this hand, the one that has written your name in the heavens, traced your heart across the stars. Hold these empty hands that caught you everytime you fell.

Please, show some courage as this hand has. It shielded you from pain as best it can, the surface yeilds nothing but lashes and scars.

Scars like loneliness... the lines like an endless road, each whipping brought on such a hell of a world. Still I stand and defend, only to see you walk away into anothers arms. Still, I stand, stand so that you smile, hold it all in, break down over and over. Rebuild myself and break again when it becomes too much. I pray there will be no more wall, no man to tear it down, and I hope there will be no one to rebuild this wall. these stones have long worn out... and will fall at a single touch.

I know it's shit but it's how I feel. Don't like it? then don't comment and go somewhere else.

Fuck you. Simple and Said. Tried and True.

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-29T11:05:57-05:00

Fuck you
It's simple and said
It's tried and true
Pointless the times I bled

Fuck your perfectly weak image
While you go and make history
While alone I leave behind no lineage
While YOU shrouded in mystery

By my eyes only...

These eyes can't see for shit
These hands can't protect worth shit!
This heart is full of FUCKING SHIT!
FUCK you... fuck you...
Tried and true...
Simple and said...
You want me dead.

An endless battle is what you put me through
A broken heart isn't all you left in me
You left me eyes so that I may see
See the torture you inflict upon me
So much rage passes through these veins, all because of you

... I see the betrayal of what I once knew
That innocent image I thought was glued
To a memory so fragile and frail
You shattered me like window 'gainst hail

... I want nothing more of you.

I know you won't read it.

Unitedybevol — 2007-05-31T02:05:27-05:00

My words always fall upon blind eyes and deaf ears. I don't know why I write, my work goes on unnoticed. I may seem like I'm complaining and whining about being ignored... but after so long of being forgotten... so would you.

Here's what I feel...

    He stands there looking at the stars and looks on patiently for that one shooting star to just swing by. Instead the sky flooded with the stars. Still he didn't see them, he squinted and only felt the light breeze flip through his soft brown hair. The stars tried to show him their brightest to shed some light upon the blackened heart, their efforts in vain... He blinked and saw the tree's rustling, the wind blowing the leaves, he saw the warmth of the moon and the darkness that was the night; still he wondered why he couldn't see the stars.
    He strained and heard a few whispers.
    "Hey hun, the stars are absolutely beautiful."
    He turned towards the voices and heard their shape, "I know, they kinda remind me of you" the man replied lightly. The two held each other and looked at the stars in admiration.
    He saw nothing of it, and just looked up at the pitch black sky and just wondered, Why aren't my stars as bright as theirs? He slid his hands into his pocket and felt the cold decaying touch of his hand. It did not reek nor was it dying...
    He left a soft whisper as he fell onto his back.
    "If those stars were bright enough, I'd wish for one thing, just one.
    The stars denied him that wish, because they knew what his wish would be. To have someone love him as much as he loved them. Only it wasn't the stars that denied entry to his heart, but his eyes.
    He was blind... the sound of rustling caught him in trance and he layed there still as death.
    "I love you, babe."
    Oh how he longed for those words to fall upon him. He could only shake it off as the needles of loneliness ran across him like rain in a storm.
    Deep inside his death of a shell, he knew he couldn't wish for love. He knew a person couldn't be forced to love him, he felt if she was, it wouldn't be true love. She may be happy although only through a false image. He heard the voices again and knew what they had was true.

I can't see the truth when I'm so blinded by my self-hatred. I can't see love for who she is or who she will be. I'll open these eyes and this heart as wide as I can but I'll still be blind without help.

Here's a homeless statistic...

Unitedybevol — 2007-06-01T12:06:26-05:00

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-10-11-homeless-cover_x.htm

STATE-BY-STATE COUNT

The number of homeless people counted earlier this year in each state and the District of Columbia compared with each state's rank by overall population.
Rank	State	Pop. rank	Homeless
1.	Calif.	1	195,637
2.	Fla.	4	68,369
3.	N.Y.	3	59,456
4.	Texas	2	39,578
5.	Mich.	8	26,179
6.	Colo.	22	21,730
7.	Wash.	15	17,590
8.	Ill.	5	16,904
9.	Ohio	7	16,165
10.	Ore.	27	15,929
11.	N.J.	10	15,778
12.	Pa.	6	15,112
13.	Mass.	13	14,896
14.	Ga.	9	12,384
15.	N.C.	11	11,065
16.	Va.	12	10,328
17.	Ind.	14	9,670
18.	Nev.	35	9,310
19.	Md.	19	9,048
20.	Mo.	17	8,902
21.	Iowa	30	8,373
22.	Tenn.	16	8,144
23.	Ariz.	18	7,904
24.	R.I.	43	7,814
25.	Minn.	21	7,068
26.	Wis.	20	6,900
27.	S.C.	25	6,481
28.	D.C.	50	6,026
29.	Hawaii	42	5,935
30.	Ark.	32	5,914
31.	Kan.	33	5,513
32.	La.	24	5,504
33.	Conn.	29	5,359
34.	N.M.	36	5,256
35.	Ala.	23	5,047
36.	Okla.	28	4,784
37.	Ky.	26	4,623
38.	Neb.	38	3,268
39.	N.H.	41	3,233
40.	Utah	34	2,738
41.	Alaska	47	2,382
42.	Maine	40	2,304
43.	W.Va.	37	1,665
44.	Miss.	31	1,546
45.	Mont.	44	1,343
46.	Del.	45	1,108
47.	S.D.	46	1,029
48.	Vt.	49	927
49.	N.D.	48	655
50.	Idaho	39	608
51.	Wyo.	51	487
Total			723,968

LARGEST POPULATIONS

Locations reporting the largest homeless populations:
Rank	Location	Homeless
1.	Los Angeles County	88,345
2.	New York City	48,155
3.	Orange County, Calif.	22,784
4.	Detroit	14,827
5.	Houston	14,000
6.	Tampa/Hillsborough County	11,023
7.	Denver metro area	10,157
8.	San Diego County	8,789
9.	Santa Clara County (San Jose), Calif.	7,646
10.	Seattle	7,315
11.	Contra Costa County, Calif.	7,092
12.	Atlanta	6,832
13.	Chicago	6,680
14.	Philadelphia	6,653
15.	Washington, D.C.	6,026
16.	Dallas	5,898
17.	Boston	5,819
18.	San Francisco	5,404
19.	Des Moines	5,331
20.	Fort Worth	5,278
21.	Miami-Dade County	5,160
22.	Alameda County (Oakland), Calif.	5,129
23.	Las Vegas	5,106
24.	Portland, Ore.	5,104
25.	Punta Gorda/Charlotte County, Fla.	4,783
Source: USA TODAY analysis of numbers reported to U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development by cities and counties

Smile through the pain.

Unitedybevol — 2007-06-05T06:06:33-05:00

Here I am smiling through the pain of emptyness. No I'm not happy, yes I'm sad. Yes my heart is hurting as it was before I met Vanessa. Even though she's gone she still keeps me smiling. I miss her, I know I'll move on, I also know there'll always be a part of me that loves her. After all I'm her bear and she's my bunny.

I'm gonna try to keep smiling no matter what happens. Yes I have found someone I like but I don't know how she feels about me and I'm nervous as hell but I don't know what to do. >_< but smile ^-^

In anycase I'm trying to publish the short stories, songs and poems I've writtin over the years but I don't know how to go about this. Help please? and if you can please let others know about this. I really want to publish it.

Sorry Please forgive me! Homeless and blind!

Unitedybevol — 2007-06-22T02:06:18-05:00

I know I said I'd be posting here an there but it has become so much harder to sit down and write something... For those of you that don't know, I've recently just picked up a second job because of personal/family reasons. I'm also going to school full time right now and trying my best to past my classes, even though I'm hella lazy and I believe I'm not going to do my homework, I try anyway.

Here is something that I wrote for class... it isn't that long, again sorry.

Homeless and Blind

Silience fills the cold dead air
At what we used to stare
The conflict inside their mind
We did not see and could not bind,
whole hearted dreams to a ravished broken reality
We could not get out of that mentality
of me, me, me, me, me.

We see them litter the ground in Paris, France
From there all the way to the United States
This dream state is but a trance
To the hungry as they sit and wait
Being denied their meal they perish
Over time their numbers begin to vanish
Yet they increase, due to the fact that we can't see
That everything's become about, money, money, money.

We fight for ourselves and defend our vanity
Until it escalates into an unforgiven calamity
A slap to the face and still we will not wake
To rescue others from their dying fate
Over time we lose obligations and ability
To control this forsaken thing called superficiality.

My personality

Unitedybevol — 2007-06-28T12:06:30-05:00

Took the personality test, but didn't know which format to choose so I just copied an pasted.

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Repost Of Favorite Stories...

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-04T03:07:30-05:00

here's some stories that I actually put a lot of heart into.

I didn't post Fear or Isolation and Solitude's Devastation

I've heard of this and seen this too much, please help me spread the word about this:

Sins Of Abuse

    Thunder boomed outside the window as well as inside the home, the thunder outside was unlike the one seen inside. On the inside it boomed upon the face of the mans wife, relentless as her hands flew up to cover herself, as if those weak soft hands could protect her as if they were angel wings. He struck again and again, struck faster then god could've created the bolts. Then, it just stopped, the storm subsided and he wiped the frothy liquid from his lips and threw the useless bottle at the doorway, it shattered as his seven year old daughter and seven year old son looked on to the blood streaming down their mothers soft ivory skin. She laid there limp, they stood there frozen in horror, he laughed and smiled like a demon smiling wildly with the smell of blood and the essence of corruption.
    He bent down and stared at his wife with his peircing green eyes, his smile still there. "Haven't I been good to you, you wretch?", he laughed to himself muttering profanity as he looked at the kids, his life and blood. He stared at their frailty, their light tan skin, green eyes and soft brown hair.
    His daughters voice was caught in her throat, stopped up with questions and screams. Her brother, her twin, looked at his father with the utmost of hate in his heart. He ran towards his father a shard of glass in his hand. He has seen this all to many times, he didn't want to see it anymore, he didn't want her to see it anymore, he didn't want his mother to feel those fists. He hated those sounds, the sound of thunder clap overhead. His attack was stopped short as his father brought his leg up in a single swift movement. The child flipped and laid there as still as his mother was before. His mother had saw and screamed in unison with her daughter. The father was done, he broke the door and stumbled out into the rain, his eyes searching for an answer.
    He screamed to the heavens on his knees, and then laughed manically. For the answer wasn't why he did it, but why he enjoyed it. Then it flashed through his mind and reflected in those green eyes. His son flipping, himself flipping, his mother being killed infront of him. He was his father, one and the same. Now it was time for his son to become him. He cried, he had to stop the endless cycle of brutality. He ran into the street and faced the blaring truck head on, his wife cried and screamed while holding her beloved children, one limp the other quite the opposite, shaking convulsively. She still loved him, she believed it wasn't him that created the monster, it was that liquid, she knew. She tried pouring it away that night, tried riding her home of the disease, the curse, the poison that had coursed through his veins for five years.
    They stood their in the daylight, their skin excreting sweat from under the sun. Their black clothes reflected on their mood as two graves were made that day. One for the father the other for the son. they are one and the same, yet so much different.

Pass this on if you understand it, if you understand that abuse is not okay, that it is harmful physically AND harmfully. Nothing bad will happen if you don't repost this, but please repost to help rid the world of abuse. - John Luu.

Ps, thanks for reading it I hope you repost this.

I Look At These Hands Of Mine

    Silence grips the air and he begins to starve, starved off from the dense air. Dense... filthy blood filled air. He can't bear it, his vision begins to blur and he holds onto his heart, the one that refuses to beat further no matter how much he called out to it.
    On his knees he feels the blood rushing from his eyes and wounds. A crimson pool of blood around his knees, puddling on the floor. He can't hear the voice, his ears are weak, deaf. They refuse to listen to the scream no matter how much he strains them. Still his eyes begin to blur further and he feels the ground laced with blood. He clenches it and crushes it feeling it ooze through his crippled fingers. He can't stop crushing the dirt, he can't stop the scream, the blood won't stop exploding towards his skull and leaking through his wounds and eyes.
    It's been to long since he's lived, too long, nothing more nothing less... just too long. A weak child screaming at the stars for god knows what. Gripping the air hanging onto life the child cries... Why? To live... He's lived this long. He stares at the sky and for a split second remember's her face, a face he'd die to protect. One that's been gone for so long. In truth he died protecting that face. Died inside, protecting that face from him.
    He left those jubilant eyes to protect her from his own malevolent eyes. He wanted so much to hold her, so much he left. He knew he'd kill her with time, with the time he was given to live. He would strive to live, just to kill those eyes of his.
    The ground seem to tilt beneath his knees and the world began to spin as he saw the flush red sky fade to darkness. The ground as clear as day, the morning sun darkened by clouds that couldn't rain. His confusion would reign the world. He stood slowly and stared at his enemy.
    He rushed the enemy, the enemy rushed him. They fought and tore at each other like souless demons, that's what they were, matching move for move. They tore at each other without flinching eyes. The teeth and fingers like knives the muscles, mechanized, moving without a sign of stopping though bleeding and torn. The skin, like paper, so fragile yet so light, so scarred and shredded.
    They couldn't stop, this fight started when he was born, it could never end, if one died so would the other. He fought himself inside his mind, he destroyed every maze inside his head with his anger at the world. That is till she came along.

    He crumpled to his knee's in pain, the tears freezing to his cheeks. His anguished met no end as he stared at the snow powdered open area, then back at his love, in the snow. Her almond skin stood out against the paled snow and her soft brown hair strewn across the snow's surface. He stared at her lifeless lids and softly ran his lips across hers, the lips that iced over with his very touch.
    Thoughts ran through his head and he cried a solid river of icy tears. Were his hands always this cold and calloused, was his heart always this cold and desperate? He ran his fingers through her soft hair and held her close. He heard a thunderous crack run beneath him and his heart turned to stone. He rushed out of the clearing with her tightly in his arms, his breath begin to thin and dissipate, the river edge was too far in the snow. He lurched and lost balance, his love falling out of his arms as another thunderous crack broke out beneath him, he fell in and felt needles stabbing him from all sides. The frigid water didn't feel like it was as cold as his heart, he felt the water pull him down and let his last breath go and his thoughts wander on the past when he first held her.
    He remembered so clearly what it was like before... An endless fight throught his life. He hated every second of it and harmed everything that was around. A wildfire, never ceasing for a second glance at who was caught in the inferno. It only calmed when she touched him, when she held his hand, layed her head upon his shoulder, when she held him. She accepted all of his pain as her own, she accepted his pain with more then just that. She accepted her own.
    She understood his anger and hatred. She understood his urge kill the life force itself. Most of all she understood his loneliness, the same loneliness that she went through. She knew his reasons for all the murder and knew he meant no harm, that he killed for good reason. Still she stopped him with her touch. A warming touch, that touch was everything, it blinded his anger and sadness it cleared his mind from confusion. He stopped fighting and killing. The battle came to end, the mirror shattered every time. He stopped fighting himself and all he was.
    She understood him best while no one else could. He would look into her cold sad eyes, she would look into his, the eye of the hurricane. The most calming wind of all, rage revolved around the iris but in the center, through the glass she dismissed the clouds, cleared the shadows. She gave him her heart, allowed him to crush it, she knew he wouldn't, she knew he couldn't. The slow unsteady lie that was his cover, his innocence, she saw through that like a spear. Through his destructive force she held his hand so that the demons would be immobilized.
    Of all people, she knew him and they killed her. Not a stray bullet, not an unsteady hand, but a well aimed round.

    He dropped his knees and pawed at her, looked at her soft matted brown hair strewn across the snow. He looked out onto the powdered landscape and diciphered the direction of the .50 caliber bullet. He licked her lips and growled. Her face layererd with blood, frozen, it iced over his tongue with the salty metallic taste. He shook his head and body and stomped the ground till they calloused. The cold of loss bit his heart and threw him back to his violent past. Tears ran down his face and he layed his head upon hers and whimpered.
    A violent thunder exploded from behind him and his heart turned to stone. He struggled to hold her with his arms, trying not to dig into her precious skin with his teeth. He tried to pull her to the shore, but plowing through the snow with his body made the shore too far. His efforts showed through thinning breathes. In a final effort he dug his claws into the ice and heaved her body towards the shore. The ice cracked beneath his feet and he hurled her towards the shore before he fell in. Again and again he tried to pull himself up but the ice wouldn't sustain his weight. It cracked and boomed it's hatred at him over and over. He roared at the sky, tired and weary he began to drown, the water freezing, his glacial heart. His hair soaked the water and pulled him under.
    He was left with just thinking of her, how he'll find his peace again.

The man opened the door with a smile on his face, "They've been killed."
She looked at him, "Both beasts?"
"Yup, got the brown one straight through the skull, the boy's be bringing it in with the truck soon."
She smiled, "Damn horrid beasts, those bears."
His smile faded. "Never thought a bear would hold emotion... kinda weird, like the thing was almost human."

Weary... As life can be...

They were right

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-07T03:07:52-05:00

They were right when they said it doesn't matter how much a everyone else thinks you're so good and that you're the best you can be... they were right when they said I'm looking for recognition and approval from just one person my mom.

I already can't hold onto a girlfriend, I bitch and whine about my job, I lose control of my anger, I can't talk right, I have no talent besides writing, I have no guts, I have jobs that don't take me anywhere and i'm working minimum wage at two jobs... if this is all life has for me... why should I keep living. What's the point? I end up doing the same things over and over again, I don't become an employer and I don't make enough to rent a spot for a buisiness, I can't do jack shit with my life... it leaves me being the employee... I don't want to be the employee. i don't want to be here, I never asked to be alive period, there's nothing more too it. I've been notified more then once by the person I am supposed to be able to trust, that I'm nothing... Worthless, pointless, stupid and the reason why their life is a piece of crap.

If they can refuse to better themself so much... and because I have a personality of "do or die, leave no one behind" ... I should just go... and leave everything behind all at once, before I influence another life. You say I've influenced you greatly that you'll be sad when I am gone... but here's the deal, 20 years from now, so much more will be going on, I won't even be a memory, you're not going to drown yourself in sorrow 24/7 you have never met me in person... so why should I stay?

I would rather die then continue to live this life. I will not pick up that knife and scar my self or lose myself to death... instead, I will Not get out of the way if something should happen. After all, people do say I'm self-sacrificial, now let me show you the real meaning of heart.

To you haters.

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-09T05:07:08-05:00

What the fuck is wrong with some of you people?!

What gives you the right to call someone something?!

I'm walking to work and some fucking asshole drives by and yells out fag!

I want to SOOOOO much render their bodies useless, I wanted him to say it too my face so that I can ram my hand into his stomach and pull it out and strangle him with his useless spine.

Call me sick, call me sadistic... but realize this. I don't fucking HIDE! and I don't BULLSHIT people, I'm NOT an asshole unless I'm provoked. I'm sick and tired of what you mother fucking assholes do to other people just for fun.

Murder, rape, egging, name calling, molesting, stalking, hurting physically or emotionally... If god would let me into heaven and gave me a knife and a life long journey of hunting you assholes down... Guess what, it'll be my turn to let my knife rape you.

... nothings changed...

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-14T05:07:16-05:00

This feeling... the same as freshman year

This anger, quickly it spreads the dying ground beneath my feet...

This facade, so quick to break

This body, weakens so much with time, you'd feel the pain if you were in my body.

This dying boy wishes to break the skin and grow into something new, something else... The scent of decay killed the air itself, suffocating the life out of me. No matter how much I take I keep going, even on my knees and hands I go on. I go on and I don't know why, I feel the blood like mud beneath my hands... my own blood, the mud made of my forefathers... and every generation in between and before them.

I feel the blood like mud
beneath my hands
Rest of life like a knife
so dull and bland

If it's now that I live
Let me go and keep going
Let me out and keep me flowing
Don't hold me back from drowning
In this life
Don't hold me back from drowning

A wish lays dying and crying
It's shapelessness resembles you
It fades to grey with passing day
Yet it takes shape of what I knew

If it's now that I live
Let me go and keep going
Let me out and keep me flowing
Hold me back from drowning
In any life
Hold me back from drowning

Because I'd have no where to go
Without your arms and smile
I'd have only awhile
To survive this sudden death blow
Instead you embraced me
Opened my eyes and let me see

So now I start to live
Push me to keep going
Open my mind to let it keep flowing
Keep me on drowning
In every life
Keep me drowning...

Drowning in happiness
And complete bliss.

AMBER ALERT!!!--There... two missing children out there that need our help!

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-15T02:07:26-05:00

First One:

Missing From: 121 Wood Avenue, Winchester, VA
Missing Date: 7/12/2007 12:00 AM

Contact: Winchester Police Department
540-662-4131

Circumstances: Child was taken by the father Jason Updike. There is an abduction warrant on file and a PPO to be served. The child had a high fever of 104 at the time. They may be traveling south from Winchester towards Bedford County.

Missing ChildName: Donovan James Updike
Hair Color: Blonde Eye Color: Blue
Skin Color: White Age: 9 months
Height: 2'00" Weight: 19 lbs
Gender: Male

SuspectName: Jason Edward Updike
Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Green
Skin Color: White Age: 28
Height: 5'9 Weight: 175 lbs.
Gender: Male
Description: Bulldog tattoo on the upper right arm, sleeve tattoo from the wrist to elbow on left arm, scar on top of the head, mother described the abductor's eye color as blue

Vehicle Information
Make: Chevrolet Model: Malibu
Color: Beige
License State: VA License Text: 171166

Second One:

Missing child named Andrea Montoya.

She went missing at 2:45pm on July 7, 2007 and, she was last seen in Gatlinburg, TN at the river Terris Hotel in the laundry room wearing a purple coat and grey jogging pants. She is 3 ft tall and weighs 96 lbs. She is originally from Florida and is here on vacation with her grandma and mother. A white Jeep Cherokee with Florida sunshine license plate was seen circling the area.

Please Repost this...as Amber Alert

She was kidnapped on July 7, 2007 it will take 5 seconds to repost. What if someone sees this that knows something and a grandma and mother get their kid back. How great would that be? So please just take 5 seconds out of your day!

-------- YOU'D DO IT IF IT WAS YOUR KID!

...

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-26T01:07:49-05:00

WHAT THE FUCK?! How come EVERYTHING I plan NEVER works out. NOTHING, NAME ONE FUCKING THING THAT'S WORKED AS I PLANNED IT?! NAME FUCKING ONE... name.. one.

Breast Cancer Petition

Unitedybevol — 2007-07-31T02:07:44-05:00

(Written by a surgeon)

I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies.

So there I sat with my patient giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank you' they muttered.

A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards.   Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

Mastectomy Bill in Congress
It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important .. please take the time and do it really quick!
Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill - Important legislation for all women.

Please send this to everyone in your address book.
If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.   If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to go to vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a   mastectomy.   It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support.   Last year over half the House signed on.
PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html

This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, and on behalf of all women, THANKS.

I'm so out of it...

Unitedybevol — 2007-08-22T12:08:23-05:00

Wow. Disneyland knocked me out. you heard me, my body is so tired and done with. It was a lot of fun in disneyland, so much happened that I can't remember. hehe.

Dammit!!!!

Unitedybevol — 2007-09-07T06:09:12-05:00

Why the HELL WON'T PARENTS GET THEIR HEAD OUT OF THEIR ASS?!!

I Understand the trauma's I understand the anger! But DO NOT SHOVE YOUR FOOT into your child's LIFE! A life is a onetime shot. It can't be re-done. So why WASTE their chance?! WHEN THEY ARE INNOCENT TO BEGIN WITH! As a parent your problem lays with YOU, NOT your child. Do NOT look at the reflection in your child... here's why

Because you make their life out to be a joke
Because you don't allow them to truly live
Because you only see your self and the faults you've committed
By seeing "their" faults you assume what they will fuck up in the future as you have done.
Again... GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! Think about the future, sure, but it is YOUR ACTIONS that entitle them TO that CERTAIN future YOU want THEM to HAVE!

Sure doing drugs joining gangs or being a couch potato probably will fuck up their life. yeah. control that... that's an obvious thing. but when they drop a dish and break it when they're little, sure let them know how important the money and the effort came to even get that dish no matter how ridiculous it may be. But to do something stupid like hit the kid or yell at them... just goes to show someone hit you and your life was fucked up before hand. BY YOUR OWN PARENTS... besides what does yelling and hitting prove to a child? nothing... Your anger will reflect on them, and they will take on that anger an most likely push the lesson out of their head when something better comes. btw... hitting a kid to teach a lesson is also called a "quick fix"

Who is a child SUPPOSED to turn to when they're hurt and crying?... it's not meant to be their teachers or even their friends... as a parent, they're supposed to take refuge in YOU, in your arms and in your heart.

So why the hell walk this earth all high and superior when you lived a fucked up life... and decide to fuck up someone else's... especially if you've hated it all along?... Because you're nothing but a failure, a washout, you're not even deserving to call a has been if you can't get up off your ass and do the right thing.

Though... for as shallow as you may be
I can finally open my eyes and see
The hostility born in thee
As lashes upon lashes you open up to me

Your truths and lies all revealed
Just as once as your lips were sealed
They erupt in anger quickly healed
As the body lays limp in the open field

Promise you did, to the world around
Promise you made to never frown
*Sigh* A promise you made to never beat
But you did, till crimson covered their feet

So long were forgotten dreams of a child
(Whom memory of, you still defile)
So it seems so soon to be stifled
In memory of you being disciple

Through the middle finger I say loud and I say proud
Fuck you assholes of the past
But still understanding and undeserving I hide that finger
And the words on my mouth won't even linger

For I know through "actions" we will scar the world
And instead of the holes that we have burrowed
For ourselves, our fathers, and mother
It is meant for our sons and daughters.

Okay yeah, I realize I haven't written anything

Unitedybevol — 2007-10-06T11:10:14-05:00

Okay, so i haven't been here often, hate me yet? eh whatever. I ended up writing a poem hehe.

INSIDE OF ME

A simple life and simple sound

Leaves me inside an ocean so renowned

Its beauty leaves me breathless

Just as I was homeless

As one time the worse I had believed

Was then the ocean set before for me

Dropping by so unexpected it asked me to drown

Drown inside its lonely core deep down

Like the sun I was supposed to shine

Shine bright inside the skyline

Be the light everyone could look forward to

But that light was fake and I knew.

I was the moon, leaving behind darkness

Reaching my peak only to fall

No one caught my fall but blinded me

Leaving me to see, how bright I can be

When I am alone

When I have no home

Then I’ll go on

Then I will go on.

There's not much for me to say about anything anymore. Life is typically the same. I wake up I go to school I go home, then I head off to work, only to return home do my homework and repeat the process. Is it just me but doesn't life give off a mechanical feel to it?

So I dream

Unitedybevol — 2007-10-08T05:10:45-05:00

So I dream
So I lean
On empty shoulders
That fade like boulders
Dead weight
Dead fate...

So I dream of sitting on the stars
So what if these dreams are so far
They can't possibly be further then you
Can they?

If the stars are so distant and you're twice as much
And if I achieve that distance even on crutch
Would that mean that with you here by my side
I could achieve anything?

If I am to sit as still as a lizard
Frozen dead in the blackest blizzard
Would you somehow find this shell
And breathe the breath of life?

Would this kiss bring about a certain bliss?
Would it create a love that seems sent from above?
Would I fall forever and drown screaming never?
That'll I'll drown in love and never give you up?

How is it that you drag me across the stars
And paint a picture of our hearts this far
Even if you're a few states away
I love that you ignite my dreams this way

From the lizard frozen in the blizzard
You breathe the breath of life like a knife
Cutting through time and distance I can't help but wince
At this new found love that fell from above
My dear, my heart, my love, may you never fall apart.

Homework Must BURN

Unitedybevol — 2007-10-12T03:10:43-05:00

Sitting, stressing and running in circles
Jumping and tripping on all the hurdles
An uneven transition from numbers to words
It racks my brain to a point where it hurts

I continue to press against the walls
Hopefully I'll succeed and pass
And hopefully I have the balls
To make it through the broken glass

So much is encrypted within these sheets
So much time is wasted as it sleeps
Slumbers and waits for me to wake it
Or should I ignore it and flake it

If I should I get no where
That thought I can't bare
But who's to say I'll make it anyway
Especially with the type of society today

It's the bullshit we all go through
It's the crap that gets us blue
If we're not red with rage
As we're turning the page

Fuck it, I feel like letting it burn
Maybe then I'll learn
What it's like to grace through the pressure
With the power that brings me pleasure

I'll watch it dance and move with orange flares
Flip off the world as if no one cares
And I just remembered that
I'm gonna need to sell that book back...

seriously though... I ended up burning a math book in freshman year of highschool... We burnt it for our lit project... But... I can't do that now that Im in college because at the end of the quarter we can sell the books back to the school bookstore... and if I burn it, well.... I lose money XP.

OH CRAP!!! GUESS WHAT!!

Unitedybevol — 2007-10-17T07:10:39-05:00

I HIT THE BIG TWO ZERO TOMORROW!!! No longer a teen!... *sigh* I don't want to... lol, so far, not a lot of people even remembered XD.

Wtf do I do about rape?

Unitedybevol — 2007-10-19T07:10:15-05:00

Okay, my girl has a stalker... Her stalker said he was going to rape her... and in the end she's going to end up in a coffin... He dropped a date rape pill in her soda three days ago... She said she passed out and woke up with a hickey on her neck. In the morning she was throwing up and feeling dizzy. Now he has a knife on him and walks around her house every now and then... She's in WI I'm in CA... wtf and I supposed to do? I have nothing in my account, her self centered mom takes away her money for the fucking rent...

Suffocation

Unitedybevol — 2007-11-04T05:11:41-05:00

I feel like I'm suffocating in this stupid place. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING BE HERE. I want to go home, do my fucking homework without having to feel my aunts and uncles breathing done my neck. FUCK SHIT DAMN!... FUCK. I'm normally fucking happy I can laugh and smile about anything but FUCK I hate this being here. When ever I'm here my uncle has to say some shit about me and make me feel like crap! I can;t even SAY anything... why? because I'm assiiiannnn FUCKING GOD DAMN BULLSHIT! FUCK YOU TRADITION! Not only that, but I can't SAY SHIT because I live more then 20 miles away from here. it's a 40 minute DRIVE! WHAT THE FUCK?! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE and this anger KEEPS building up. Anger at this place, anger at some of the people in my life... And definitely anger towards stupid ass parents. Whether or NOT you chose to have a child, YOU FUCKING HAVE ONE! RAISE YOUR CHILD AND RAISE THEM RIGHT! I'M FUCKING SICK OF kids at the age of fucking 12 walking out like they have the body of a 24 year old model. YOU FUCKING MORONS! Our rules, our society and our stupid laws are fucking eating us inside out.

for future reference...

Unitedybevol — 2007-11-09T01:11:18-05:00

I kinda wanta show other people especially parents, you gotta keep pushing to do the right thing.

There's more crap each and every day and less and less good things. I want to do what it takes to keep going, to inspire people to not give up.

Sure we see this in movies everyday, but everyone has quit trying to learn morals and ethics, and have just created their way. Now we have assholes who think cheating's alright, or pushing someone around for fun, is well harmless. No one really gives a crap about the future because their mind set is "well I'll be dead by then it won't effect me". That's a bullshit way to think and I HATE it. I'm pretty damn sure most of us would've gone back in time and beat the shit out of someone because their action's what created the problem we have now.

I don't know what to say... I'm homeless?

Unitedybevol — 2007-11-13T09:11:22-05:00

I don't know what to say, I'm about to be homeless... I have less then 1,800 in my account, I'm in college right now, the quarter doesn't end until December 14. I might get my job back by next friday I'm not sure...

Thanks to my mom, everyone else in the family hates me and thinks I'm a worthless piece of shit.

I have been homeless for three days before, but still it was only three days. The nights were freezing my stomach growled and I lost a few pounds... What I don't know yet is to have people look at me like a piece of shit that didn't care about anything and got himself in that position. Most of us, when looking at a homeless person, we don't get a second thought, we just label them. We just hand them a few coins (if at all) and move on, we forget about them.

I don't know what to say anymore, I'm so close to being homeless... right now I just need help finding my wait out.

I was just told to get the fuck out of the house by the end of the month... what a great way to live right? A mom has a kid, doesn't raise the kid for crap and then just kicks them out... That's awesome. I hope mother fuckers like that die. I would not regret it.

God dammit, I hate this fucking PLACE!

Unitedybevol — 2007-11-15T12:11:26-05:00

Okay I seriously can't fucking take it anymore. I am about to be homeless and my mom being a stupid bitch is demanding 800 from me or she's kicking me out. WTF IS HER PROBLEM?! GOD DAMMIT WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN THEN?! WTF!?

Forget the turkey, what were you thankful for?

Unitedybevol — 2007-11-23T03:11:43-05:00

Okay, besides the turkey, what were you guys thankful for? I for one am thankful that I had a microwaveable burrito to eat. I'm thankful that I have friends that'll care about me and I'm thankful for any volunteers that went out of their thanksgiving day to provide for the homeless. I seriously hope I find a place, one that I can be thankful for.

So yeah

Unitedybevol — 2008-01-08T01:01:09-05:00

What can I really post on?

Life hasn't gotten better. I'm just worried about every aspect of my life and I am wishing, hoping, and praying that the rest of my life will be a relief and happy. But then again, i suppose that's a selfish wish considering there's more then a trillion people that want that dream... I'll settle for a two or three bedroom house, doesn't have to be too big, a car that's probably a little beat up I don't care, and my girl.

So I guess all I'm asking is for the bare necessities in life... shelter, a wife, and a job that's alright.

its a small world after all

Unitedybevol — 2008-01-09T02:01:04-05:00

I got a little help from my friend about the womanly things cuz I know jack about em.

I've gotten dried and wrinkly
As long as the stars been T*i*k*e*
And the like, so~ o~n and so~ fo~rth
For age passes and yet I am young
Still how odd to be as old as the sun

What have I believed in thy name
A part of a simple plan, plane, planet?
Well what of my eyes
The simple pair of O_O's...
Real eyes, that realize the real lies...
Of which I am still confused as I walk the O.

If my eyes are forward and meant to be focused O_O-> '_'
Like that of a predator and prey relationship < ...
Somehow magically, hocus, pocus
And so damn unfocused my sight seems to dip \...
Dip it does as I veer right, -->?
--> Into the next --> I assume.

Shall I ask when will I take a wrong...
Oh wait, we call that left.
If left is left and right is right
Two are cleft as one is well... right...
Then the path I took as I did not look... right or wrong...

Shit... Well I am lost, if I had not made clear
that with obviously with another beer
all will be well... or maybe that's why I'm "here"
... in the first place... could be second...
Or a year worth of 2's...

That's a lot of fucking 2's...
Imagine that why don't you?
2 problems a day for 365 days
Thats a fuck load of ways
To fuck up your days...
As you're here on earth
This seemingly godforsaken place

**twinkle
~~so on so forth
O circle

In the end we are human, from the our youth to our somewhat old species. As a species we have not been around as long but yet we still live in place with our sun (which has not [thank god] died on us yet, but should it we too shall follow)

We are people and we have our moments trying to find the right way in life that we forget what is important, not if what was right or wrong but fixing our wrongs and realizing what we've seen from experience. We are becoming so involved with technology that every person is affected by it... Our lives have become complex and far from simple, the Nuclear dream (dad, mom, brother, sister, baby, and a pet... i.e. simpsons, except less prone to problems) is no longer a part of reality. Pretty much to the point we've forgotten the simple pleasures in life, (not the parties, not the beer... not the sex, get your head out of your ass =P)

We're forgetting the warmth of the morning sun on our backs, the wind flipping gently through our hair, the rain twisting endlessly from the heavens and our eyes... the joys and pains in our life.

Please learn to accept the pains in life, grieve and understand, but do not curse and swear at the stuff that's made you stronger (granted some people will still say fuck this fuck that, in the end, ... how much did you fuck so far?! O_O!!!) There are, however, the gifted few that are given every obstacle in life...

And survived it. Others have a moment, a split second of friction and the universe goes awry when the problem itself is so small in comparison to everything else... And why? Does getting your panties in a bunch excite you?

On a different note:
Does jumping off the roof with Tampax, Always, Carefree, and/or Playtex (if not other feminine products and/or delusions of grandeur) in your hand (and/or head) make you think you're flying and keep you happy... if so keep jumpin.

(for the guys I'm talking about pads... WITH WINGS!! YAY, HOORAY FOR WINGS!!!!... they lift you up... periodically. Because everyone knows without the girl, the guy goes no where [just to be sexually and politically incorrect and to be an asshole] men need women, women need wings, guy shuts the fuck up and deals with the wings.)

Back from tangent:
Do something rich and meaningful with your life
Ladies: Be provocative with the modesty of a queen.
Gentlemen: Be a mother fucking wild son of a bitch with the ease and calm surrender of a leader
Reality: We all need to be both, because that's what makes us human to actually split us up would make us less of a person and more of an object.

(I am fine if you want to label yourself an object, we all admire them and need them.)

"Live your life like the last day, you won't regret" - Me.

HOLY SNAPPAGE!

Unitedybevol — 2008-01-20T03:01:22-05:00

I came back from the concert at the cuddlespace about an hour ago. The place is kinda small, so you're like right near the band. OMG IT WAS SO CRAZY!!! I got there at the last song from one band, and another went on, they were pretty good, the rhythm guitarist had a lot of energy, it was fun watching him and the drummer.

The next band came up and they were setting up and the bassist looked a little shy and tired, but when the drummer counted to four... Orgasm for the ears... SO good, There was a Saxophone in the band... SO AWESOME!!! They got everyone moving, SO MUCH ENERGY was just radiating from them! Btw the band name is Geisert8band. They're on tour from Illinois. Everyone in the band could sing. And my favorite part was when the instruments quieted down and the singer kept going, then the focus went to the singing drummer. It was funny, cuz the band members were waving their hands super fast like they were playing the drum, cuz they wanted him to do it. Their songs are SOOO good, sound really good live.

Myspace.com/geisert8band

Here's my band: myspace.com/dawnofducks

I loveeeeeee it. Take care PEEPS!!

Btw, learn the difference between a debit card and a credit card, I work retail and I check id for a credit card and the person is completely inept. Learn how to use them and what each of them do. Thanks.

Abtw (another): SMILE!!

Anyway

Unitedybevol — 2008-01-29T03:01:12-05:00

I'm single again. I feel like crap, after all I've done and wanted to do. after all the I love you's and forever's. So... I've learned my lesson. Fuck intimate relationships ^-^! YAY! Fuck em all. ^^. So, I saw it coming, she admits it, YAY! She's a liar and a cheater... WOOT WOOT! now I don't have to wonder and keep saying I love you, to her, or anyone else.

Who sends a message through myspace saying "I love you and I still want to be with you but this distance is killing me, I love you SO much and I care about you SO much, but we have to break up"

WITH A FUCKING PICTURE OF HER MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE?! WTF? -_-... oh well... I knew it was coming.

I'm not particularly political.

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-01T01:02:19-05:00

But this is my response to the fat ass, mother fucking, dick sucking, ass licking, old mother fucker McCain. (because he's a racist bitch)

Fuck that shit head, look at his fucking face and tell me he doesn't have money while people are on the streets starving, while they're here in america, trying to live day to day. What ever the fuck happened to him as a POW. That belongs in the past, if that son of a bitch think it's alright to keep bringing things back that happened years ago and decide to condemn a RACE of people for what a small group did, then here's this to that mother fucker:

"I am Asian, I'm a gook, YOU are a fat rich SNOB who can care the fuck less about throwing food away and spending your god damned half assed earned money to buy your Ipods, your Iphones, and laptops. While HUNDREDS if not thousands of People of MY RACE OR NOT are starving across this nation and in EVERY OTHER NATION. WHAT FUCKING RIGHT DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE CALLING SOMEONE A GOOK?! What a small group of people did to you gives you no right to condemn an entire race. I don't see blacks or african-AMERICANS Looking at your fucking fat ass and calling you some white slur. So BITCH, before you TRY to get elected, you might want to shove a cheney's gun up your god damn ass and ask bush to pull the trigger."

supposed to be a song but I don't know wtf to do with it.

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-03T12:02:12-05:00

Been born
In a world so scorned
Adorned
With feelings forlorn
Can you hear the sound of the rolling thunder.
The soldiers running about to plunder

You mongrels and jackals
Pathetic fucking assholes
Your soul belongs to me
Dreadnaughts and pirates of the sea
Your souls belong to me

I've come to claim
I've come to reap
So shall you weep
As your bodies lay in a dying heap

A masquerade of tools
To pass by certain fools
A way out for an easy thrill
As you lie there dead and still

Six feet deep is where I lay
A thousand feet along the way
I am everywhere and here
Watching you waste away the years

A birth so pure yet so chaotic
Death creeps through the veins of life
Kiss the edge of the holy scythe
Now walk free in unholy strife

Okay, lately I haven't written anything... SORRY, here's a song.

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-05T07:02:10-05:00

The following song is based from Ernest Hemingway's quote "Courage is only grace under pressure". And a few people in mind.

Grace to Courage

It seems like simple feat
To stand so tall, and face the waves of hate
But to kneel and bow down in defeat
And accept it as your fate
Your one and only fate…

I can’t and I won’t let you think this way
Endless nightmares flooding through the gates
Feelings you’ve lost and still forsake
And as your thoughts coincide with giving up
So shall your heart come crashing down,
Till you’ve had enough

I just want to let you know
Never stop short of your best
Never give up, give in…
Or forget the rest
I’d rather you give it your all
And if you should fall
Just keep in mind
Courage is only grace
That glowing light upon your face
Changes all of your ways
Your courage is only grace under pressure
When your heart is too strong to measure

It seems like a simple feet
To stand so tall and hold it all
But to crawl and admit defeat
And accept it as your fate
Your one and only fate…

You’re lost in your little ways
Your heart is out of place
The tears come running down your face
Can measure these infinite days
The months continue to years
You’re now drowning in tears
Will you face all your fears?
As your grace fades away
And is pressured into tenacity
Only then you’ll find yourself in state of felicity

You’ll seem to be daring
When you stand so tall
And the look you’re wearing
Shows you defending all
Of your heart
Your love
Your friends
And your dreams

When they’re torn apart
And you feel like you’ve had enough
And you can’t see around the bend
And your feelings vanish in the night

Just reach for me
Maybe then you’ll see
That a single, simple attainment
Will leave you free of resentment
When your love can’t be measured
You’ll know your courage is grace under pressure

Vote on it if you can pleaseeee.

Who am I? What kind of who am I?

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-16T02:02:58-05:00

I am a poem
Yet I am no one.
Sitting here so peaceful and calm
My heart rages on...
With excitement from the storm

I am a man with a heart of a beast
I am life filled with thoughts of death.
I am the hunger that feasts
On feelings of cocaine laced meth
I am a demon belittled with lies
But a kind soul waiting to to die.

Alone I am beyond my years
Alone I am incapacitated by my fears
With you I am like that of a child
With you my dreams and hopes go wild
An innocent heart that's been defiled

Obsessed with water
Obsessed with drowning
This fire burns hotter
Hearts that race, pounding
As they look on hounding

I am the guy that looks at the stars
And realizes, it's only her eyes
That have held me captive so.
I am the kind of guy that will sit so still
To hear her breathe, should she leave,
Like a new born pup, I shall follow.

Just in case she should leave
I'll tie my heart to hers
In case these feelings should disperse
I, a demon, should wait for those words
Words from angelic lips
That flay my hide like whips

I am the guy that'll wait days for just one hi
Hold me close so I fly
Hold me so, that I'd have to pry
Kiss me so and have me wonder why
You have left without word of goodbye

Let me be a fraction of your heart
Allow me contradiction in a world apart
Let me lend protection as I did in the start

One step at a time.

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-22T03:02:09-05:00

Like a five year old I'll hold your hand, asking for you to walk me across this open land. I'll run and stand there waiting, meters away, in the field of golden wheat. The light shines bright but filtered, like that of a dying star. You take your steps slow and counted as your white lace dress flows around you. The wind, flickering like a fire, the same fire that burns our hearts in utter desire. This wind, this light flaring air seems to wrap you in it's warmth reminding you of times you've huddled by the fire in a soft cozy blanket. Still you walk forward shaking the thought lightly with a smile. Your light silky hair flows as water... an angel so fair you glide, with those counted steps, till I see the heart within your eyes.
You stand their looking on at this tan and broken boy for all he has is his half broken smile and eyes full and wide with hope. The light now ebbing away leaves us chilled, I reach for your hands, your gentle and compassionate hands... I miss.
The ground breaks through, I continue to reach but you're too far away, an inch turns to yards, my world's left breaking apart. This heart leaps a beat through time, I had once thought you mine. You said "I love you" you kept my skies forever blue, then you stood, as still as death... Falling backwards I think of the same. My past when we first laid eyes we were none the wiser. Three long years have we waited to touch, three long years I longed to say I love you so much. Now the hole gets wider, my situation ever so dire. You stand there and laugh as you hold his hand, the one I used to say, "help me walk this land".
Now that the sun has gone and left me with the moon. I see you running through the blackened field, your hair like wind, your hope like stars going ever higher. I walk closer stumbling now and then as you see the moonlight jumping across this black laced field. Star light shadowed by clouds. Moonlight drowned out by our here and now. It leaves us feeling warm, full of contempt, while we should one another exempt. This white tuxedo whips my skin just as the wind rips through us and leaves us warm to the touch. I stand here frozen in thought, the feeling of being left as cold as ice while burning through with sin, the day I left others burning from within. I shake this thought free with fear in my mind and blood on my lips. I'll look on as you reach for me like flailing whips. I stand there so cold and dead, as you fall into the abyss, just because... just because... your heart I missed.

Don't you see, I am you and you are me, I am she while you are he. Now listen and understand, what feelings past we left so bland, turned to hate while time should bate. We run and hide like children in a game of tag, we hear those words of fag. We are not lost we are not different, we are one and the same, gay, straight, bi, flayed, hated, of left in the back of a mind to a single unjust goodbye.

Your hate and disregard of us as people, I'll be here leaving you feeling like needles. We are the humans, we are the salvation of this world. Believe you me, when I say your heaven is our hell unfurled.

"We're lost in ourselves enough that we become someone else in their entirety." - me

Story explaination: It's not about gender, it's not about race or anything physical. Its our wants and needs of each other. This is our heart and sometimes we are too caught up in our OWN lives we forget about others, judge them, criticize them, ridicule them, and then beat them. This is especially tied to relationships.

How?... When you're in a relationship that is not "Real"... you find yourself saying, they don't do this for me, they don't help me they're so self-centered, they don't care about me. You'll find yourself in their position one day and on that day, I'd like to hear you say you give a damn.

This is a clip from my book, Unity

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-25T02:02:32-05:00

    Jessica told Shannon about a plan, one that would keep the little one safe. This was the night the sister's parted. (… wow… so f-n sudden… put more.)
   "I don't want to go; I want to stay with you!" Shannon held onto her teddy bear with one hand and the other, grasped at the grass to keep her sister from carrying her toward the unknown home.
   Tears fell down Jessica's cheek stinging her skin as they froze to her face while she pulled on Shannon's legs. "Shannon please, you have to go, I can't take care of you. I can't give you a home or a promise that you will eat tomorrow, those people can."
   "I want to stay with you, I don't wanna go!" Shannon continued to kick her legs till Jessica fell over on the grass.
   Jessica stood up and shouted at her younger sister, "Dammit Shannon I hate you, you're so hard to take care of, just go!"
   “No… you don’t mean that ple-a-as-se, do-n-t lea-ve me…” her tears and sorrow shook her convulsively as she sat down on the ground, tears soaking into the dried dirt.
   Jessica turned around and started towards the home of the awaiting couple, knowing her sister would unknowingly follow and go into her new home, she was right Shannon did follow.
   On the steps of the hope filled home the couple looked on as Jessica knelt down and held her sister by her cheeks. "Shannon, promise me you'll always remember the family you were born into, the family that'll always love you."
   Silence pursued Jessica's words, till relentless sobbing shattered it.
   Shannon dropped her teddy bear and hugged her sister, her tears streamed down her face and onto Jessica's shoulder soaking up in the dirtied jacket. Shannon whispered into her sister's ear the words that only their family would understand. "Illshta ernevri getforshy." (I'll never forget)
   Jessica could not cry, her tears were held at bay. She wanted to cry to show her sorrow but the tears would not come. The only thing she could do was whimper, "Ernevshta egivri upshy onshta elifri."
   "No-ow you pro-promise meh-me, Llyoushta ecomri kbacshy."
   Jessica held onto her sister tight and said, "I will, not even death can stop me."
   The couple looked at Jessica, their eyes filled with tears. Even the joy of having a daughter, someone they could call their own and be proud of, they only now realized that through their joy came her pain. The wife nudged her husband, she hoped he would say the right thing, but even the right words couldn't stop the tearing of her heart. "Would you like to stay with your sister for a few months?" Jessica didn't answer, she only kissed Shannon on the cheek and hugged her, just tight enough so that their tears wound into one, with that she left running into the darkness like that of a blind child, frightened, frantic, and full of questions.
   Much later that night around eleven o’clock or so, Jessica stared into a home that looked much like her own used to be, a father, mother, sister and brother were all huddled around the fireplace laughing and sharing the warmth of their love. Jessica went into the alley, collapsed and started sobbing, she didn't care if she would freeze to death, or if the family would come out and shoo her away as if she was a rodent, she soon let herself become engulfed in anguish. A few miles away all dressed up and readied for bed Shannon too cried the same sad tears that were on her sister’s face, the tears of loneliness and newfound trauma. The couple tried comforting the child and tried to replace her old and torn teddy bear with a new one, but Shannon insisted that the old one was the only thing that could keep her sister alive in her heart.
   Jessica didn't notice that her tears eased her into exhaustion and led her towards a truthful sleep. In her dream all she could see was darkness, but the darkness somewhat faded as a young man appeared. The darkness trembled within his sight and shunned his presence. As he stepped closer she could see that he stood a head taller then the average man and was sculpted better then the average man. His hair covered his eyes while he looked down. He started shaking only a little at first, then violently enough so that he fell to his knees. His head lifted as he looked at her, his silvery green eyes showed the pain and sorrow of a thousand broken hearts, he was close enough so she could see the scars lightly embedded on his arms and face. His voice was soft, clear, and smooth so that it echoed like a pebble skipping the surface of water. "Am I to be cursed, here on this plane, this place you call home, the place my mother belongs?" Jessica woke with a start and headed out of town, away from the source of her pain

A Wicked Flame

Unitedybevol — 2008-02-26T02:02:01-05:00

BAND SONG!! Woot woot! See if you can figure out what the song is about.

There's a world set in flame
And I am the innocent left to blame
I'll take the clouds
Strip them down
Till earth shows through
I'll feel the gravel, old and new
It starts this way, as I play...

This fire flickers through my fingers
As the ringers salute the death bringer
I am congratulated by the demons themselves
For the unclear act for which I delved (intox3)

Can it and will it burn you if I lit a match?
How long will it go if I close the hatch?
I'll be standing on the outside looking in
Waiting for your voice to scream within!
(pianissimo)
So I flayed and decayed
Those betrayed and dismayed
Still I (crescendo) won't give in and go out
I won't stand and be shot down
I am one of those ready and willing to fight

And still this fire flickers through my fingers
As the ringers salute the death bringer
I am congratulated by the demons themselves
For the unclear act for with I delved (intox3)

The world now set in flame
And I am the hated left to blame
I took the clouds
Stripped them down
Till earth showed through
I felt the gravel, old and new
That world my dear, is you.

I'll ask to be forgiven
(Echo)That world my dear, is you
I'll be the one to give in
(Echo)I took the clouds
What I have done please forgive
(Echo)Stripped them down
It's now you won't let it live
So now I feel the gravel, new to old.
As these years pass by
These years will pass by.

I don't know why

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-02T02:03:31-05:00

I don't know why so don't ask me. I don't know why I love you or why you make me smile, I don't understand that whenever I see your smile my heart melts inside. I can't comprehend the words hello and goodbye... either way I'm left there stunned that you even spoke to me. A lot of love letters, songs and poems circle the globe, but there's only one that says, "I know you love another, and I pray he cherishes you. You are an angel and deserving of one of your own. I will do all I can to make sure he'll stay true, I will lay my life so that his one true love is you." As you read I pray you understand, that my life is in your hands. Who you date and who you love, I wish you blessings from above.
I feel sad and angered when the one you love turns away from you. I am sorry that your heart is hurt and I understand your pain. The one you love loves another. I would give my life and all my possessions so that he may love you back.

Don.t EVER.

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-07T05:03:54-05:00

Tell me what the fuck to do with the money that I worked for. Don't EVER tell me I'm irresponsible.

I have MY standards I do what I need to do. If I want to buy a gift for someone that I barely know, but still consider a friend. Don't tell me what the fuck to do.

it's so simple yet so complex.

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-09T03:03:59-05:00

To someone, she know's who.

I should listen to what other's have to say, to hear them out without prejudice and prejudgment and even after, I shouldn't take the words in an offensive manner, but point out what I may or may not have done wrong and improve, and explain to them what my senses and perceptions told me about the situation.

In short. I am sorry if my actions were/are out of line, I am by no means a perfect being. I am your lycan, you are my master. You should understand what I mean, being my friend. You should understand why I'm such an asshole, being my best friend... by now you should know why I'm so defensive being my sister. Being a part of me you accepted me for all my faults as I have been unable to do for you. You held me when I was weak, you gave me hope for a better day, you knew my weaknesses and my strengths, yet you exploited neither. I took it all for granted then... but still I take it for granted now. I'm not asking for forgiveness I'm not asking to repair my family, I just wanted to let you know I am sorry.

Its simple, I blew something out of proportion without listening to you, without hearing intent... all I heard was myself. I am sorry that I'm losing someone like you. I don't want to turn back, I don't want to hurt you again.

A letter explains nothing, a phone call hangs emptily on the walls, just as the past repeats itself.

Go here

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-10T02:03:20-05:00

Sinfest.net and just read the comics... SOOOO funny XD!

Especially the ones with the dog and the cat.

And these are the following wants

http://www.cafepress.com/sinfest.12428926
http://www.cafepress.com/sinfest.12421519
http://www.cafepress.com/sinfest.7751070
http://www.cafepress.com/sinfest.7750505

Today and yesterday

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-15T03:03:12-05:00

After work yesterday (10:30pm... supposed to get out at 10...) I ended up going bowling with a few friends... I SUCKED! And I'm PROUD of it! The place was playing a lot of rap and hip-hop so I ended up dancin a lil. My friends and I... We wasssssh gettin our gwoove on! Yeeee-ah! It was all in good fun, but we came home and found out that one friend was locked out of his apartment so he's now over at another friend's apartment... Sad to say i was almost locked out of mine... I'm tired of having a curfew... it's stupid. What am i supposed to do to show I'm responsible enough?

Anyway, I'm heading off to bed at 1:50am. I just wanted to leave a little note. I miss you guys.

So tell me this.

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-17T01:03:39-05:00

Tell me if I'm worth going out with, tell me if I'm the type of person you would hold dear... don't just tell me, but mean it. In other words... don't tell me for the sake of it.

Other then this kinda feeling of love... well its there but it keeps shifting, and I don't understand it, who it is. Anyway.

My choir concert was today at 3:00 pm (it's now 11:42pm) I believe it was good. I had a lot of fun afterwards when Alex, Aleah and I went to go pick up Sarah. After we picked her up we headed to Ariake SOOoooo good... I had an eating contest with Alex... that bastard won lol. Then we headed to golfland and played in the arcade, and come to think of it, I'm really competitive when it comes to fighting games lol. Anyway, I ended up being dropped off at Sarah's house and watching 30 Days of Night with her and then watching Dexter (not Dexters laboratory.) Now I'm home... missing this day.

no subject

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-18T02:03:26-05:00

http://spokesmannetwork.imeem.com/music/me-fAixa/sinead_oconnor_my_darling_child/

This is the FIRST song EVER that my bestest friend/sister(not blood) let me listen too from her music collection. It's called My Darling Child from Sinead O'connor.

"In your honor, I would die tonight... For you to feel alive!! Can you feel me?! Feel me BREATHING?!"

Joinin the hype!

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-23T01:03:11-05:00

HAPPY EASTER!

Aim is pissing me off.

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-25T03:03:48-05:00

IT'S SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT NOW!

They added SO MUCH CRAP you don't need... ALL I WANT to do is change my icon to another one... But they added expression shit and now I can't ACCESS MY GOD DAMN ICONS! I have to use theirs FUCK THEIRS!

okay, alright... I think I got this.

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-27T03:03:51-05:00

I'm sick, my sinuses are clogged, it feels like my left kidney or something around there is in sharp pain. I'm dizzy and I have 4 pages left to write for my essay.

This is GENIUS!

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-29T01:03:46-05:00

And Beautifully made! PLEASE WATCH IT!!! HE'S SUCH A GOOD CREATOR!!

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/71490.html

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/193489.html

Fuck it!

Unitedybevol — 2008-03-31T01:03:22-05:00

Fuck this bitch ass life of mine. Fuck it. I was given it so I might as well live this bitch till I die.

May have mentioned

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-03T03:04:41-05:00

That my dream in life was just to have a loving and two children, a small house for us and a car... That's ALL I wanted then... that was my dream, my heart... I've lost that dream years ago. I gave up.

The only dream I have is to die loved. To die in an arms of someone that loves me. I don't have any other dream.

CONCERT!!!

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-09T03:04:15-05:00

JUST GOT BACK FROM THE JIMMY EAT WORLD AND PARAMORE CONCERT IN SAN JOSE!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!

The ppl crowd surfing were idiots.... they were "surfed" (all of them) to the security guards in front of the stage... Sad. XD!

Dear and the headlights opened and when I got there (we were 10-20 minutes late, started at 7:30) Dear and the headlights was playing their last three songs... the last one being kind of a slow one that I wanted to dance with. I was there with my best friend Aleah, her sister Zan and Zan's two friends, Paula and Stephanie...

We hadn't met up with the last two yet and we were on the floor. I wanted to dance with someone, so I ended shouting to aleah (my best friend, who's also going out with my other best friend XD) that this is one of the times I wish I had a girlfriend. I wanted to hold my gf and dance with her. That would have been nice haha. But I don't have one so, no worries.

We found Paula and Stephanie after Dear and the Headlights finished. We sat up in the seats for paramore so it was kinda high up to the right. Paramore was pretty good... 7 out of 10... not my kind of music, but I liked it alot. Then the BREAK... for the break period we went over to buy shirts and I bought mine!! ^-^. After that we went back to the floor and I was standing there with the four of them and I kept on wanting to pick up stephanie because I didn't think she could see the stage. People kept pushing to go to the front or get closer so I ended up moving like 3 feet forward and 4 feet to the right, Aleah, Stephanie, Zan and Paula pretty much did the same lol.

I ended up standing next to this really cute blonde girl... and I just said fuck it and kept rocking out to JIMMY EAT WORLD!!! IT WAS SOOOOO FUN!!! Although I do feel bad because when people were trying to get past me, I ended up backing up on her foot... Twice... I turned to her and said "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot!!" "No it's alright!!", was the response given. So I continued to feel the music running through my body. I could feel the bass, the drums and the guitars just ringing through my body.

During one of the between times to Jimmy Eat World's songs, I turned to Aleah and said, "JIM'S SO HOT!!! I loVE HIM!! GAY FOR JIMMY!!!" One of the songs has the word Fierce in it... so I turned to Aleah and Stephanie (they were closest) and mimicked Christian from that one show... "I'm so fierce!"

I LOVED TODAY!!! IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!

My List.

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-12T03:04:57-05:00

Figured I might as well post Who my favorite artists are and my favorite song from them, keep in mind I do like more of their music, I just had to pick one. If you don't see an artist up here that you know, tell me... I may have forgotten lol.

30 Seconds To Mars, From Yesterday
3 Doors Down, Behind Those Eyes
3 Sud Est, Alaturi De Ingeri
A Perfect Circle, Orestes
AC/DC, Highway To Hell
Adema Enter The Cage
Akon, Sorry, Blame It On Me
Alien Ant Farm, Movies
Alkaline Trio, Fuck You Aurora
All American Rejects, Time Stands Still
Anberlin, Unwinding Cable Car
Angels and Airwaves, The War
The Ataris, Boys Of The Summer
AFI, Love Like Winter
Avenged Sevenfold, Beast and the Harlot
BassHunter d[-_-]b, Mellan Oss Tvaa
Blink 182, Stay Together For the Kids
Bloodhound Gang, Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss
Blue October, Calling You
Breaking Benjamin, Sooner Or Later
Butch Walker, Mixtape
Cascada, Wouldn't It Be Good
Chevelle, Clincher
Chris Brown, With You
Chronic Future, Thank You
Creed, One Last Breath
Crossfade, Broken Like An Angel
The Cure, Pictures Of You
Cute Is What We Aim For, Curse Of Curves
The Darkness, I Believe In A Thing Called Lov
Dawn of Ducks (We have our moments), Abruption
Death Cab For Cutie, Summer Skin
Dido, White Flag
Disturbed, Stupify
Dj Sammy, Boys Of the Summer
DMX, X Gonna Give It To Yah
Dork
Dropkick Murpheys, Fields of Athenry
Dropping Daylight, Brace Yourself
Electrasy, Cosmic Castaway
Eminem, Like Toy Soldiers
Enigma, Tnt For The Brain
Evanescence, Missing
Everclear, Father Of Mine
The Exies, Ugly
Fall Out Boy, SSOCOTY
Finch, What Is To Burn
Finger Eleven
Flyleaf, I Can Feel You All Around Me
Foo Fighters, In Your Honor
Fort Minor, Right Now
Fountains of Wayne, Mexican Wine
The Fray, How To Save A Life
Funeral For A Friend
Goldfinger, 99 Red Balloons
Goo Goo Dolls, Iris
Gorillaz, Feel Good Inc.
Green Day, Wake Me Up When September Ends
Guns & Roses, Sweet Child Of Mine
Gym Class Heroes, Shoot Down the Stars
Head Automatica, Beating Heart Baby
Hello Goodbye, Here In Your Arms
Hinder, Lips Of An Angel
Hyde, Season's Call
Illegal Substance, Banana Song
Jem, Falling For You
Jimmy Eat World, Kill
Joel Turner, These Kids
Justin Timberlake, Love Stoned
Keane, Everybody's Changing
The Killers, Mr. Brightside
Kill Hannah, The Songs That Saved My Life
Kutless, Draw Me Close
Lifehouse, Hanging By A Moment
Linkin Park, My December
Live, Heaven
Lost Prophets, Last Summer
Mae, The Everglow
Matchbook Romance, Monsters
Mest, Jaded
Mini Pop, Like I Do
Muse, Hysteria
My Chemical Romance, The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You
New Found Glory, Head On Collision
Nickelback, Next Contestant
Nightwish, Come Cover Me
Nine Days, Story of a Girl
Nine Inch Nails, Right Where It Belongs
Nirvana, In Bloom
The Offspring, The Kids Aren't Alright
One Dying Secret
One Republic, Apologize
Outkast
P.O.D., Youth Of The Nation
Panic At The Disco, Disconnect The Dots
Papa Roach, Last Resort
Plus 44, Make You Smile
Postal Service, Be Still My Heart
Puddle of Mudd, Blurry
Pussycat Dolls, Beep
Queen of Stoneage
Ramstein, Asche Zu Asche
Rascal Flatts, Bless The Broken Road
Ray J, One Wish
Red, Breathe Into Me
Red Hot Chili Peppers, Scar Tissue
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Your Guardian Angel
Reel Big Fish
Relient K, I'm Taking You with Me
Revis, City Beneath
Rise Against, Rumors...
Rooney, When Did Your Heart Go Missing
Saosin, You're Not Alone
Savage Garden, Crash and Burn
Seal, Kiss From A Rose
The Servent, Cells
Sherwood, Song In My Head
Shiny Toy Guns, You Are The One
Sick Puppies, My World
Skillet, Say Goodbye
Skullgrinder
Snow Patrol, Run
Social Distortion, Ball and Chain
Something Corporate, Space
Spice Girls, Goodbye
Spin Doctors, Two Princes
Stabbing Westward, I Remember
Staind, Falling
Stevie Ray Vaughan, Cold Shot
Story of the Year, Until The Day I Die
Strata, Cocaine
Sublime, The Wrong Way
Sugarcult, Hate Every Beautiful Day
Sum 41, Pieces
System of a Down, Legend Of Zelda Theme
Taking Back Sunday, What's It Feel Like to Be a Ghost?
Third Eye Blind, Jumper
Thirteen Senses, Into The Fire
Three Days Grace, Just Like You
Thrice, Stare At The Sun
Thursday, Understanding In A Car Crash
Train, Get To Me
Trapt, Brave
Trust Company, The War Is Over
U2, Bloody Sunday
The Used, I Caught Fire
Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want
Vienna Teng, Gravity
Weezer, The Damage In Your Heart
Within Temptation, Memories
ZZ Top, Viva Las Vegas

... what's hope worth?

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-18T03:04:29-05:00

I lost my cellphone... And life is still awry. So. How much is hope worth...? Is it worth it that I get my hopes up around a girl I really like and just let my mind fall and shatter all over the floor in the end? Is it worth it when I look under my bed, car seat, clothes, laundry, desk, and even at work in hope my cellphone will pop up? Only to realize that I'm never gonna get to see my little one again? I love that phone...

(the following doesn't always apply to me... but it does happen. And it's a shame that it does.)

Is it worth it when I sit there for a job waiting to get hired at a job, only to find out, I'm not qualified, because of the color of my skin, the god I believe, my sexuality... because I'm me?

How worth it is it for a child to beg on the streets for food for her/him and their family... only to be denied by the cold hearts of thousands of people, and eventually bumping into someone that's willing to give him/her some food.

... Our problems are small in comparison and should be brushed away when we bump into another that is less fortunate than us. Admit it... not many people take a damn good look around them to appreciate what the fuck they have.

What the fuck happened to religion...? Don't they all have the same basis? Don't steal, don't rape, molest, murder, commit hate crimes... what happened... where did we stray? This reminds me of Boondock Saints:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Conner: Decent men with loving families... they go home after work and the turn on the tv, you know what they see?... rapists, murderers, child molesters... all gettin out of prison.
Murphy: Mafiosos *gun clicks* Get caught with 20 kilos... gettin out on bail, Same fuckin day.
Conner: And everywhere everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those mother fuckers
Murphy: Kill em all, admit it, even you've thought about it.

Conner: Now you will receive us
Murphy: We do not ask for your poor or hungry
Conner: We do not want your tired and sick
Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim
Conner: It is your evil that will be sought by us
Murphy: With every breath we shall hunt them down
Conner: Each day, we will spill their blood, till it rains down from the skies
Murphy: Do not kill, Do not rape, Do not steal, These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace
Conner: These are not polite suggestions, these are cause of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost
Murphy: There are varying degree's of evil, we urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain.

And sheperds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, For thee
Power hath descended forth from thy hand
That our feet may swiftly carry out thy commands
So we shall flow a river for to thee
and teeming with souls shall it ever be
In Nomine Patris, et Fili, et Spiritus Sancti
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
While I may believe the corrupted should die, and the hateful and deceitful should perish. There is no reason for me to become one of them.

I resent the fact that people are too stupid... nay, naive to believe that the world we live in is fine. Even though they may accept the world sucks, they go on with their life as if nothing bad ever happened... ignorance, the devils best friend.

While I believe myself Christian. I refuse to call myself so. Because typically that I have seen, Christians, ask and pray for themselves and their loved ones...

How can one call one's self Christian and a believer of the Lord and Savior, when they are too centered around what they know, to pray for the faceless... the dying and hurt. Most of all, pray for unknown, the strangers that you may see, pray for the ease of suffering in all people... pray for the enemies that you have created, or that have turned society against them.

In my mind... I will help all those that want to be helped. All those that need help, will be offered, I will not force my presence nor my thoughts and beliefs upon them, I will not shun them because of who they are, how they look, or what they believe.

I will merely speak what I believe and let them choose what they want to hear... because face it, that's all they'll ever hear.

"For they are the sheep and I am one and the same, we are but innocents, searching for one another to bring back into the herd. It is only when they become humans that they are dangerous, for the become prey to the corruption that lays within the land."

Fucking "ARTIST" think's it IS OKAY FOR ANIMAL ABUSE!

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-25T06:04:05-05:00

If there is offensive language in the article, I did not write this. I am only posting this because some FUCKER decided to kill a dog and call it art. Please, sign the petition, you won't get spammed or anything, it's free. PLEASE sign to prevent this man from killing another animal.

In 2007, the 'faggot artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, took a dog from the street, tied him to a very short rope to a wall in an art gallery, and left a kettle of food on the other side of the room, beyond his reach, and left him there to slowly die of hunger and thirst.

For several days, the 'faggot artist' and the heartless visitors of the exhibition watched, emotionless, the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony, until eventually he died.

But this is not all... the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of Central America decided that the 'installation' WAS actually art, so Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the Biennial of 2008.

Al rite guys I am posting a link, its is a petition to stop this mad man from killing more animals. http://www.petitiononline.com/ea6gk/petition.html

This psycho must be stopped before it's late Please do it. It's free of charge, there is no need to register, and it will only take 1 minute to save the life of an innocent creature. Please also invite as many friends to this group as you can... We need to join forces to stop a murderer If you want to double check all the above information you can google the name of the 'artist' to read all about this terrible 'masterpiece'.

**News articles regarding this issue:
http://news.softpedia.com/news/Artist-Leaves-Dog-To-Die-on-Exhibition-Display-82091.shtml

http://luckybunnynyc.blogspot.com/2007/10/starved-dog-as-art-update.html

http://www.euroweeklynews.com/news/6831.html

AND, for those of you saying "This is all a hoax, etc," here is a direct quote FROM THE 'ARTIST' himself!: "I knew the dog died on the following day from lack of food. During the inauguration, I knew that the dog was persecuted in the evening between the houses of aluminum and cardboard in a district of Managua. 5 children who helped to capture the dog received 10 bonds of córdobas for their assistance. The name of the dog was Natividad, and I let him die of hunger in the sight of everyone, as if the death of a poor dog was a shameless media show in which nobody does anything but to applaud or to watch disturbed. In the place that the dog was exposed remain a metal cable and a cord. The dog was extremely ill and did not want to eat, so in natural surroundings it would have died anyway; thus they are all poor stray dogs: sooner or later they die or are killed."

SUNDAY!!!

Unitedybevol — 2008-04-28T10:04:18-05:00

Okay, it started off kinda crappy, I didn't do much except for draw my poster for my art class. I ended up getting a text that the Venue of the concert was changed. So I had to text four other people lol. The band I wanted to go see is "Belle Mortelle". I met up with my friend Alex at 4:40 we went to go get subway while we waited for Aleah to come back from her bike ride. We arrived at her house and waited for about 20-30 minutes for her to get ready an schtuff. We headed to my bank so I could withdraw a 20 just in case.

Leaving there we headed straight for the Concert... About a lil more then half-way there I get a call from Andy, she tells me that her band isn't going to play... I'm thinkin FUDGE! (cept less polite, and delicious) But remembering my chat with Alex earlier, I said fuck it we're going there anyway to chill. We got there and Andy explained that the fucking MORON that set up the concert (big concert or some shit company along that line) Their ass of a manager CHANGED the Venue FOUR hours BEFORE THE CONCERT, then the sound check fucker got there 40 minutes before the concert... He decided that he was just gonna check everything DURING the concert... AND THE FUCKERS STILL WANTED TO GET PAID THE FULL PRICE, FOR BEING LATE AND DISRESPECTFUL!!!

That pissed me off so much... I REALLY REALLY wanted to see Andy play, and sing!

Valarie showed up and she brought her friend Jessica. I ended up playing football with Alex =P. We ended up deciding that we were all gonna go to Valarie's house... (Valarie, Jessica, Aleah, Alex and me...) HER SIBLINGS ARE SOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!! Her little brother is like 8 and plays the drums! TO THE BEATLES!!! Her little sister Naomi is the quiet one, the rest of the siblings are loud and hyper, trouble makers... but they're so cute! She has 2 older sisters and an older brother... from what I remember.

Anyway, I suggested we go jump in the pool... By now Valarie's friend Amanda (turns out she was in my 6th grade class!) is there and refuses to jump in the pool, but instead just chills on the futon thingy. I refuse to go in so I'm just sitting on the edge, Val's doing the same thing... We're splashing a bit of water at each other, THE WATER WAS SOOOOoooo cold! lol. She ended up flicking a bunch of water at me, so I got up and left. I came back with a bucket, dipped it in the pool... she ran. I just poured the water back in. I ended up hearing her lil bro play the drums so we all went to watch. I played a little, then he played to the Beatles... that was GREAT!

We played Super Smash Brothers on the Nintendo 64, everyone was screaming, "Throw it!!! RUN THE OTHER WAY!!! HIT HIMMmmm!!!" it was crazy lol. We were all laughing and stuff. Val's mom is SOOOO nice! She brought us towels when we went out to the pool, she brought chips, drinks and cups! >_< SO NICE! Not only that but she also bought us pizza later on in the night.

I got to meet Val's older sister (don't know how old) I felt bad because she was coughing and had a runny nose, so I left the room to go get her a cup of water, her mom was already opening the cabinet to get her some water, but she filled it up for me and told me to bring it to Val's sis (gosh I'm so bad with names) and smiled at me lol.

The day AND NIGHT WAS AWESOME! oh... I didn't get a wink of sleep actually
around 2 I was starting to pass out, but I turned on my Mp3 player so I've been awake since (circa) 9:30am on Sunday, and I have work after school... AHhahaha. Wish me luck! ^-^.

^-^!

Unitedybevol — 2008-05-10T03:05:03-05:00

For the lover.

Behind those emerald eyes
You push away the lies
But here I stand as truth
Bringing you back to youth

I'll be your sun on a rainy day
Light that emits the shadows away
I'll make you smile
the day worthwhile

To many times you've been betrayed
To many times your hearts been flayed
To many times you've fallen down
While I'm here, you'll never hit the ground

I'll hold you up, I'll push you through
Restart our lives to a day brand new.

It's mother's day, so here's a poem.

Unitedybevol — 2008-05-11T04:05:55-05:00

It's mother's day again
I see it coming around the bend
And still I feel down and alone
What about all the children
A mothers love has never shown

Has never held them tight
Or lit their path during the night
Comforted them in their times of need
Take care of their little ouches and scratches
Should they ever bleed

There are thousands without a mother
Maybe even more without a father
Most know one or the other
And it's like this everyday, where
Some are missing their sister or brother...

In this world that we have created
In this world, that we left hated
Every child is a victim of our crimes
Most of them don't understand why
They exist in the world to pass by these times

We as adults, as a nation with our beliefs
Our children and their future, forever it weaves
Beneath the sheets of night and scope of morning
We should offer a better world, be true to them
Or they will yet be left mourning...

To her, this special her.

Unitedybevol — 2008-05-13T03:05:33-05:00

In my heart I feel this way
Calling out everyday
Reaching for my chaotic mind
Calming me down, I unwind

She's miles away from me but still she's here
Within these thoughts that I've kept so near
She has me wrapped around her finger
Every breathe, every thought around it lingers

I can see those beautiful eyes
Bright eyes that I wish to watch the sunrise
Content upon looking at the stars
Content enough I'll call them ours

I have no other precious gift to propose
But these dreams and bleeding heart red rose
It harbors my deepest secrets and torrential fears
It's held me captive these endless years

But there, in your heart, I found tranquility
And you revealed all the parts I missed in me
I would like you to know that I hold you in highest regard
And it won't ever matter should we be worlds apart

You are one the greatest friends that I can ask
If you ever need help, just name the task
I'll risk my body, mind, heart, and soul
Just for you to tell me which way to go...

Remember what was said from before, about those stars?
Laying next to you inside my head, I decided to call ours?
Among them is the Northern Star
Pointing me towards where you are,
Regardless of situations and no matter how far.

I will always love you, I will always care about you. Smile beautiful.

They "say" love don't cost a thing

Unitedybevol — 2008-05-29T08:05:28-05:00

Yeah, I bet both testicles love costs you more then the testicles. Don't get me wrong, this has nothing to do with sex... I'm just mad.

My phone bill for last month came in and it's 302.02 and currently my phone bill is at 65.60... This blows the elephant big time. I was under the impression I had long distance... and that my free minutes started at 9... I guess that only counts for America... Which by all means is the stupidest piece of shit ever... LONG DISTANCE... fudge... I still don't see how CANADA is International... From my thought's WE'RE ON THE SAME DARN CONTINENT... What the FUDGE?! I mean, I can call Idaho, PA, MA, and everywhere else...

My point is, love costs some insane amount of moolah. So the industries, companies, etc, can blow me, and the Blue Whale.

Thinking about it, we put a price on EVERYTHING... enough so that in the future (due to atmosphere fucking up) We're gonna have to PAY just to BREATHE.... (maybe in a few hundred years...) Seriously, We're the spaceballs... Getting high off the O2. I am sorry, but at this point in time, the human race has condemned itself... If we can put a price on love, and a price on living... AND a price on death... Then this world is no longer fit for the human heart, but enveloped in the aspirations of greed and jealousy.

Noticed, I haven't sworn throughout all of this... yet.

FUCK THE CORPORATE COCK SUCKING BITCHES! FUCK THE ECONOMICALLY GREEDY ASSHOLES! YOU FUCKING CHEAP SKATE CUNT SUCKING TWATS!

Anyhow... Isn't it great that we live in America? The only place where we have to pay with our lives in another way, to have our "freedom" of speech?

I for one have A LOT of gratitude for this... I have A LOT more then the average human species. i have a home, food, and things the poor would consider a luxury. For now at least... for now.

What they say:

Unitedybevol — 2008-06-03T08:06:55-05:00

They say beauty is skin deep... can our hearts not be beautiful? What about our minds, can't that as well be blissfully gorgeous. Our soul... is that so dirtied that it can't retain it's serenity?

If beauty is skin deep, can it not be so that ugly is skin deep as well?

Our personalities and our behaviors reflect upon who we are. But who we ARE versus what we BECOME are two separate identities. We have the ability to make our lives better, but with each step it seems as if everyone else falls behind or is shot ahead of us.

"Do not lose hope, do not despair, for you go on as long as you breathe air"

I quote I thought about for awhile, before I put it down... I realized one thing, while we should try our best to move till our last breath... What if the air itself is poisoned? Corrupted by the hateful reaches of society with the stench of despair soddening our clothes and skin. It comes to infect our body, heart, mind and soul. Should we stand back and let it wash over us? As if a violent wave forced us to the corners of our lives... we seem as if we have no where to turn. When they call us ugly, disgusting, fat, stupid, insane, ignorant, useless, a disappointment... Who are they to describe who WE are?

I believe only we have the right to call ourselves so... and should we overwhelm OURSELVES... well then you know... that now is the time to stand again. Don't change who you are, but rearrange what is deep inside of you, that little light, that beautiful soul. Let it stand against this wave of pain... only when you fall and refuse to take care of your soul, will it fail you.

And I do want to love you

Unitedybevol — 2008-06-07T04:06:38-05:00

I do wanna try, if falling for you girl is crazy, then I'm going out of my mind - Hedley. I never really cared for this song... but she showed me it, I ended up making a play list of the songs she told me to listen too.

I wish we weren't so far apart, I wish the companies would just lay off, I wish people will just be honest enough to not take every little thing for themselves.

We have a heart, why can't we learn to love? If we have a mind, why can't we work together? We have a body, what's it take to make a dream come true? And then the soul... we have one... why can't we feel the pain in another person's eyes? Until its too late, then we realized that we've made a mistake...

Baby why don't you stay? I can't take it any longer, but my will is getting stronger - Sugarland

These songs are running through my head like a slow bullet. The spin shredding my head, the trail of air leaving me with peace. This bullet, cutting through the bullshit that society has created. Hmmm... is it a wonder how we're all slaves? Like puppets on a string we dance, like puppets we are there to be commanded. I see more and more people rising from the ropes, cutting themselves down and offering their heart...

My day is one of the most peaceful and loving I've ever had. She called me at 6 in the morning to say good morning. We ended up talking and I haven't had a tear fall for awhile... not like this. She sat there on the phone, describing every bit of imperfection in my life, described all the pain my relationship with my mom contains... and the sad part, is... I haven't had anyone, not a counselor not a friend or even another family member get this right. She cut through all my bullshit. She cut through my illusions. She told me everything I knew was true and all it came down to was, "Tell your mom you love her, I sense that there's all this distance when I hear you talking to her. She's probably has had a life of pain that is completely different from yours, she's been hurt all this time, just let her know you love her."

This girl, this beautiful girl with such a beautiful soul. I want be so close to her. In my mind I can feel her body against mine, her head on my chest listening to my heartbeat and giggling. I can see her eyes, those amazingly serene emerald eyes, I can feel them boring into mine, cutting through all my charades, to love me. As who I am, who I was, and who I will become. I know she loves me and I love her, but there will be too much pain with a long distance relationship, I would rather her to have someone to love her and take care of her, rather then her feeling nothing but emptiness in her arms.

So I found a reason
To let it go
Tell you that I’m smiling
But I still need to grow
Will I find salvation in the arms of love
Will it stop me searching
Will it be enough

I don’t want your sympathy
Sometimes I don’t know who to be

Hey what you looking for
No one has the answer but you just want more
Hey who’s gonna make it right
This could be the first day of my life

The first time to really feel alive
The first time to break the chain
The first time to walk away from pain

(Melanie C First Day Of My Life)

Reasons why some guys will marry a girl but not other girls... O_O.

Unitedybevol — 2008-06-17T11:06:01-05:00

Why Guys Marry Some Girls (but Not Others)

All men have a secret wedding checklist: five traits they look for in a woman that say she's worth walking down the aisle for. He won't pop the question without 'em.

By Beth Whiffen

It happens all the time: A guy spends months, even years, in a long-term relationship with a girl he really digs. But after dropping the I-don't-see-myselfever- getting-married bomb, he suddenly turns around and ties the knot with a new chick. The factors that tip a dude from steady relationship to "till death do us part" seem like the ultimate unsolved mystery ... especially when you're in a solid LTR and aren't sure if your guy is even considering marriage.

It all comes down to some elusive qualities women have a hard time understanding but men are always on the lookout for, explains Willard Harley Jr., Ph.D., author of I Promise You: Preparing for a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime. "Part of what makes him want to get married is chemistry and passion, but it's also about certain actions and behaviors that are more concrete than you'd think," says Harley. Below, we clue you in to five crucial traits that separate the girls men date from the ones who make them want to set a date.

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 1: She's Exciting and Always Evolving

You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.

"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.

"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29

"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38

"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 2: She Really, Really Loves Sex

No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.

"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.

Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."

"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30

"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28

"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life

It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.

"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.

"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33

"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her

Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.

"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."

A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.

"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28

"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be

Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.

"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."

This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.

"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29

"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31

To Linda.

Unitedybevol — 2008-06-22T04:06:34-05:00

I'm so sorry. I wish I knew if I ever meant anything to you. you told your sister you were waiting for someone special... you told her that on the day you were supposed to go to the concert with me... instead you had to go somewhere else. I don't know if I was, but I pray I was the special one. I am sorry I never came to hold you, by god I am so sorry.

These tears, should've washed away all your fears
These years, pass so slow without you here
I miss you and I didn't know
Where it was that your heart would go

I knew you were lonely
I knew you were tired
You sit there quiet, solemnly
Alone in this world of liars

These tears, should've kept you here
But instead... you're gone, no good bye
No answers to reasons why.

I have nothing left, no earth sky or star
That could take me to where you are.
I don't know why, and I don't know how
But this heart, breaks with every bow.

For Love.

Unitedybevol — 2008-07-05T06:07:29-05:00

We all say at least once in our lifetime, "I'm done with love" or, "I'm going to change". Ha. Who are you kidding? You'll crawl back to it, or feel like you're dragged back. As for changing... well, we all say, but do we do it?

And for myself... This is my Confession I know my faults, and I can't keep going like this, I need to change, and I need the change to happen at a faster rate than it’s at. If not, I need this to end. These mistakes are messing up more people and more lives than I can count. I never thought emotional damage was as strong, if not stronger, than the physical pain a person would have to bear. I've inflicted it on my mother and others around me with my anger. It feels limitless, if my morals did not bar me, I'm sure I would have destroyed a lot by now.

I never once listened to my mom; I end up bullshitting everyone including myself. Now I know what my fault is. I've said, shut up, fuck you, idiot, stupid, moron, bitch, asshole, I've said it all... I need to end it now, and as soon as possible, I can't keep this rage inside my blood. I can't harm the ones that I've said I care about... the people that used to care about me, or the ones that do. I've seen so many people harmed... So what reason do I have to hurt others, and deal more to the already bleeding wounds? I know about too many that have been shot, killed, murdered... for reasons that could only make the devil smile at his creations. His freewill, his anger, and simple pleasures with life. I'm not going to preach, what does preaching do? Not much... Our society has learned to turn away the preachers, deny the warnings, and mislead the innocent. Most of us are no better than the devil's advocates. We do a few good deeds and somehow we have it in our minds that the world owes us something, we help others out of fear we'll go to hell, we help others because we end up feeling good about ourselves.

My reasons are just as selfish. I help some people because others are too pathetic to do anything about it. It's sad, how I help because I hate.

I envy those that can help endlessly, for no reason at all. I envy those who are self-sacrificing... God knows that I've idolize that role... When they get hurt, they can only smile, they're the type of people you just can't help smiling around. They do what is right and what is honest; they are those that are pure of heart... God knows I envy them... And God won't let me have it, because I envy instead of act.

As for love... I've done enough damage, love isn't for me... How can it be when I can't even love myself? Like I've said, we say we're done and the next day we're back in... Who am I kidding? I'm not done with it, I'll crawl back... Hopefully, when I find a girl I do love, one that loves me... I'll learn beforehand not to hurt her.

"Once you've walked through the fires of hell, nothing else can burn you" - Cooper (My co-worker)

She's gone. What now?

Unitedybevol — 2008-07-20T03:07:52-05:00

I've known her since her freshman year in college, she's graduated and she's going to Cleveland in Ohio for college. She loves it over there, it's her favorite state, she loves everything about it... she's the same way about that state that I am about her. I love everything about her, she was my first girlfriend, and I remember how I asked her out, what we were watching and what happened that day. I also remember what we did with my friends at school, we ran and jumped into the pool because losers had to jump in, winners ended up doing it too, she convinced us, I remember it in detail, who went, what we did, what movie we watched, what she was wearing. Another memory, our first kiss, I remember that down to what movie we were watching in her room, what I said, what she was doing and what scene was playing on Slingblade as soon as I kissed her, I remember how I kissed her, I remember what happened afterwards. I also remember these last few weeks of hanging out with her... Now, I have to fight to keep these memories because she's no longer around here to replenish them.

I congratulate her, and I miss her dearly, she's an amazing person and gifted with such a devoting family, loyal friends, and a mind that captivates me. I believe she is one of the most beautiful girls on this planet (All girls are beautiful, just not the way they act sometimes) and I wish you luck on being far away Sarah.

What the FUCK?!

Unitedybevol — 2008-07-27T03:07:51-05:00

Is up with the fucking assholes that feel like they have to BASH on someone?! I am a hypocrite because I'm doing it now, but the difference between me and those senseless assholes is just that! THEY THINK THEY'RE CONSTANTLY RIGHT! Some fucking old fart that thinks it's alright for McCain to use racial terms and blame a nation for what a few people on the OPPOSING side did, and NOW with this vain girl that thinks she is the center of the fucking universe and that all men should bring her presents and bow down to her pathetic ass.

1) Do not get in my fucking face, especially when you weren't in on the conversation to start with
2) When everyone else is telling you that you're a fucking bitch, you're close minded... YOU PROBABLY FUCKING ARE
3) If you're doing it to get a rise, go get a life and then come back.
4) Why the fuck do you feel that you have the right to start something and be an ASS about things on a site that's supposed to be FRIENDLY?

Is this odd at all?

Unitedybevol — 2008-08-04T01:08:43-05:00

I like her, but I don't want to say that I do. I don't want to like her, I don't want these feelings... I don't know why, she can't be the one. I feel so awkward. I mean, I would like to be with her but I don't want to admit it. Hmm... I suppose I contradicted myself, but then again, most of us do. What would you do?

I decided against it.

Unitedybevol — 2008-08-08T01:08:27-05:00

I decided against asking her out. I don't know why. I know there are two types of guilt. There's the sudden guilt, then there's the what if guilt. I'll take my chances, I don't want to know if she likes me and I don't want to. The more I think about, the more it crosses my mind that she's not my type of girl. I don't think there could be any future. I'm not looking for a fling or anything, I'm not that kind of person. Sure we all say that when we want the girl, lead her on blah blah. I'm still a virgin, I can count how many kisses I have had. -_-. Unfortunately I was gifted with this memory... I don't want it, I would rather be able to remember something more useful.

BLAH! ^^. The girl I'm looking for is out there... I hope I bump into her. Just not when I'm old.

here it is.

Unitedybevol — 2008-08-28T12:08:21-05:00

Death and decay
Stray my way
Oblivion of the mind
Tragic crap you find
Each letter sings its song
Each word tells of what's wrong
Thought provoking, earnest and pure
As if nothing was here

These barriers replace
The looks upon my face
Recede and overcome
Later on to find you're dumb
From what others have said
Makes you forget the dead
Forget what they've done
Their sacrifice and offer to your sun

__________________________________________

White flag up and running
This heart still strumming
The mind loose and racing
Black flag up forsaking
A life worth taking
A soul worth remaking

New song...

Unitedybevol — 2008-09-04T01:09:15-05:00

I'm in the middle of writing a new song. I have notes for it, but I'm still working on it, so far vocals are about 37% done. Which leaves the song about 8% - 15% done... Still need drums, don't know if I'm gonna do an acoustic guitar or a mellow electric... I know I will be adding in the piano as well as violins. This one's going to take awhile. I want it to be good... which means chances are very slim that I'm ever going to finish it. hahaha.

So I haven't posted.

Unitedybevol — 2008-09-22T01:09:17-05:00

Meh. Sorry. Well one things for sure, it really sucks being in the shadow of the "better" sibling. All the parents and adults look at them and forget your there... see I don't have that problem, I'm an only child, I wasn't suppose to be but I am. Instead I'm in the shadows of all of my friends. They're the bigger ones, the smarter ones, the more good looking ones and they have their mind and shit together. I on the other hand... I'm fuckin up left and right. The only thing good about me that I can see, is I'm the nice guy. I go out of my way to help others... but then again, girls don't give a flying fu** for the nice guy. Admit it, it's attractiveness that comes first then personality.

hmm... I can really care less now after saying all this. Forget relationships, I know what I need to do and if needed I'll cut ties to accomplish it. Too many people cut ties with me already so nyah!

So... I have wamu, If you do, what should we do?

Unitedybevol — 2008-09-26T12:09:43-05:00

Like a crying baby cow screams out in sheer terror it utters, wamu. Fuck. So I'm not property of Jp Morgan Chase. I refuse. I am property of no one, capital owns me on a 200 dollar leash that I can rip off and shove up their ass at anytime I feel uncomfortable on this chain we humans like to call credit. Like the cow we humans stand there eating waiting to be tipped over into debt. WE have the choice of saying NO to people that pressure us... HI KIDS REMEMBER DRUG SCHOOL?! LETS TALK ABOUT HOW TO SAY NO! (In caps cause it needs to stand out, I'm not yelling.) So, where does this bring us now? What do we do?

http://consumerist.com/5055271/jpmorgan-chase-wamu-customers-should-bank-as-usual

SO! No need to panic, and if you're already a chase customer even better. Now instead of being cows, we are now the sheeps being chased by our yet so loyal Shepard. God has not led us stray, but instead, our greedy little neighbors yet decieve us in our dark and lonely times. HAH fuck. We are sheep for the sacrifice so says the world. We are statistics being counted for how much money we can have robbed from us. If it's not from the thugs on the streets it's from the WORTHLESS thugs in wallstreet and their covetous little friends.

We all want money, we all want our financial freedom. But at what cost? Answer me this, and do well to explain your answer (please be serious I am not joking or messing around now.): What would you prefer, Your own financial freedom where you're ripping others from theirs and worrying about shit like this -OR- close to financial freedom where you don't have to worry about shit except for a few things here and there (isn't that itself freedom, compared to how fucked up we're gonna have it in the next few years?)?

Um.. it's my birthday.

Unitedybevol — 2008-10-18T09:10:43-05:00

Tee hee. I'm 21 ^^.

And we blame it on God.

Unitedybevol — 2008-11-01T10:11:37-05:00

In vain we scream his name for the sake of our pain, but how have we become this way? Did we not learn of the devil's tricks, his illusions and games? Yet still we fall and it's God's precious name we call, along with swear words that will engulf our minds. The anger, the hate that we let consume us just because something couldn't have the way we planned or wanted it to. We got messed over and lose everything we have and it's somehow God's fault. We are creatures that are quick to blame, no shame at all, but those days will end when we face the gates.

I am not christian nor catholic, but I do believe in God. I have cursed and sworn his name, tried to damn others and predicaments no matter if they were slight or extensive.

I am sorry for the pain that I have caused unto others, I am sorry for all that I have done in your eyes that reflect upon the worst of me.

Big hearts.

Unitedybevol — 2008-12-04T02:12:05-05:00

I was once told I had a big heart. Big hearts break easy.

I thought I was over her, I thought I was over all of it but I guess I'm not. It's been a few months now and the feelings are coming back. I don't want it to, I don't want to think about being lonely and I don't want to end up alone. The girl I like is on the other side of the country and we have no money to see each other. I don't even know if she likes me the same way.

I miss my first, but I can't even tell her how I feel, how I have always felt. I want to tell her everything but I don't want to face those eyes, the eyes that just says sorry.

"If everything happens for a reason, what's the reason for my to die alone" - anonymous (surprisingly I didn't say this one.)

Dear god, The only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much to far away.
-Avenged Sevenfold

War... Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our daily lives.

Unitedybevol — 2008-12-05T01:12:41-05:00

A monkey can do your job.
That monkey will be me.
Prepared to be fired
While I get hired.
Isn't it a cruel world to work for?

Greed intertwining with our core
Unable to stop we scream and want more
While the poor stand ignored
"Blasphemy!" You say. Ignored? Nay.
Only when our selfish hides are flayed
Do we realize now is the time
To open our eyes to our true crimes

Our children stand hungry
While death falls behind to bury
Those that have died to protect our land
Our rights and our working hand

Why be thankful for one day a year?
Why give presents for one day a year?
When we should cherish those who fight our fears
When we don't understand those tears
Of a mother who's lost a child
Of a brother who's lost and idol
It's sad how some stand by so idle
Watching on, this land that we've defiled.

So what will YOU do to better yourself as a person?
I have already taken my first steps.

A silent note

Unitedybevol — 2009-01-14T03:01:25-05:00

In my oblivious senile mind I saw just you
Standing there against the ocean's deepest blue
These pretentious white walls I seem to adore
Grasp me at my dissolving core

They seem to caress me and hold me sane
When this heart feels alive and inflamed
It all started here in your eyes
Beautiful eyes that I filled with lies

I sat down to quench my thirst with air
And there you were, clenched my mind with care
This split second moment was soft and clear
For this being, you're just enough to fear

...

Unitedybevol — 2009-01-26T01:01:24-05:00

FUCK! I CAN'T FUCKING THINK!! SHGIT! ew;iohsf gioDHISCOSDFGCOIWG ;OIHAGROIH

The Answer

Unitedybevol — 2009-02-03T02:02:19-05:00

Ever feel like you need to scream but you can't? Because you're afraid that the other person will find out somehow? Well I want to scream, and I want to scream so badly. I want to scream (say... actually) that I like her that I want to be with her but I can't. She has a boyfriend and I'm just a fool. I am only venting here because I need to let it out somehow, she won't know because she's never seen this site.

She is beautiful and poofy cheeked, her laugh and her smile alone makes my day better and more bearable (should anything bad happen). I love making her laugh and being around her, she does a lot of things I find cute and funny.

The Answer

If you find your heart you'll find your answer
Buried deep inside where you hide and smother
Plagues like winds from a mind of another
The one that could have been a lover

What ever slips and slides into your mind
What ever falls and fly's we may find
Lets not regret and do it together
I could have said that, but I'm at the end of my tether

Love requires sacrifice
The understanding of two sides.
But if this one stands on the side alone
It takes no action unless it atones

A course of action taken for one's own pleasure
Will come about once again to sever
The blissful lie to an untrained eye
So now, tell me, what is your answer?

Please help!

Unitedybevol — 2009-02-09T02:02:08-05:00

I'm working on a project for the homeless. I'm presenting my speech Thursday.

If you guys could go to youtube, and watch the film "Homeless. I remember, Will Always." and tell me what you think of it and what kinds of emotions it strikes and how deep. Thanks!

My speech thingy.

Unitedybevol — 2009-02-16T04:02:20-05:00

For my speech I stayed away from the podium and went closer to the audience. I was really nervous and I was shaking... I didn't feel to strong about it but I think I got my teachers to tear up and another student or two. The following indents and ->'s don't mean anything, I just had them in my speech so it was easier to spot out where I needed to continue talking and it would allow me to look up from my note cards and look back without getting lost.

What is your definition of a homeless person? An alcoholic man, a drug abuser, a person too lazy to support them self? For me a homeless person had a home, they were loved and they’re now abandoned, they include men, women and children, in fact 1 out of every 5 children in America lives in poverty.

At the age of 8 in the back of my mom's 1986 Toyota Treno; 10-15 feet away from me, I saw a family of three, a man, woman, and baby. He held a sign that said, "Laid off, homeless, please help." My mother gave them what she could and we moved on.

I come to you as a 21 year old student at De Anza College, I come healthy and proud, but I wasn't always this way. In my past I spent several days and nights on the streets, the stares were embarrassing and the memories of which still pains me.

I come to you full of hope, but I ask you to listen, and implore you to think and question.

You see them on the streets every day, yet they're hidden from view. They look and smell like dirt, yet they pick up the trash WE leave behind. We ridicule them and look down on them just because they don't have a home to return too. What if we could give them a home metaphorically?

If home is where the heart is, how are we to be so cold to the soldiers on the frontline in the war to protect the environment?

As stated by Nationalhomeless.org in 2003, 39% of homeless are under 18, 42% of which are under 5.

A survey in 2005 of 25 different cities in the U.S. revealed that 33% of the homeless population consists of a family with children.

5% of urban homelessness consists of children who are all alone.

In the end no matter the age, ethnicity, gender or religion, they all struggle in the cycle of poverty.

It is hard to break out of the cycle of poverty. You're living off of welfare, food stamps, Medicare, fear, embarrassment, and much more.

Without a home -> your health fluctuates -> which in turn interferes with your education -> without a solid education, finding a job that'll pay enough for rent and to take care of your family when you are homeless, is like finding god.

Without a job you don't have money to support your family much less yourself. Without steady income you can't rent a place, when most places require first and last month's rent up front as well as a security deposit.

Having a home not only supports you and gives you protection from the weather, but it also protects you from the prosecution against those who wish to harm you. Some if not most of you have already heard of homeless violence, but According to Brian Levin, Director for the Center of Study on Hate and Extremism at CA State University, -> "One homeless man was set ablaze on his wheelchair in Spokane Washington" -> A homeless woman was drowned in Tennessee's Cumberland river by two teenage boys.

Every day the homeless are beat and murdered for sport. They're chosen to be the sacrificial lamb because society views them as less than human.

If that isn't enough -> Ashley Fantz wrote an article for CNN telling of a homeless beating that made it to light. -> Three teens drunk and high beat and killed 49 year old Rex Baum at his camp site.

At first they taunted him, throwing sticks and leaves at him. It escalated, one of the boys landed a punch, and soon he was lost to the flurry of fists and stomping feet.

The beating did not stop there. The boys threw rocks, bricks and proceeded to pound him with a bat, a pipe and eventually a barbeque grill that Baum had at his site over the years. -> They left him with his head wedged in the grill -> feces smeared on his face, and cut open by a knife.

These actions are merely drops of blood compared -> to the ocean of crimson liquid AS each day passes.

A statement made by Laura Hansen, Executive director of the Broward Coalition for the homeless said, "I wish I could say that this was shocking and appalling, but it is not, we see it all the time."

I asked you earlier to question. Question yourself how many times you would have to see a homeless beat, and/or murdered to be numbed out to the pain.

"Scorned Trash Pickers Become Global Environmental Force" an article written by JACK CHANG from the McClatchy Newspaper, states that the homeless do affect the environment at a tremendous level. -> While it doesn't seem too important, I mean people picking up what we left around...

Consider this: On top of recycling, trash pickers actually lower methane emission, which is 20 times more potent and destructive to the Ozone layer then CO2 is.

Brazil boasts the highest recycling rate of almost 90%

They salvage 33,000 tons of recyclables a day.

Indonesia, the forth most populated country has 1/3 of its garbage recycled by trash pickers.

As for the U.S., we only recycle about half as much as we use, we waste so much and we take so much for granted.

The Economic Research Service or ERS “estimated that 96 billion pounds of food -> or 27% of the 356 billion pounds of edible food available for human consumption in the United States is wasted.”

The average person eats about 3 pounds of food each day; if 5% of the 96 billion pounds were recovered that amount would still feed 4 million people for the day.

Play my video - Homeless Remember, Will Always -

The homeless do make an impact and they need to be viewed in a different light, then the drug addicts and the alcoholics they are coincided with.

The homeless are a step to opening your eyes, like the environment both are abused and both are forgotten in our daily lives.

Most people automatically assume the homeless are going to ask for money. In my experience, people will strike a conversation with a random person next to them just to avoid you; they would ignore you even when all you did was say hello. Most homeless would like a home, but acknowledging their existence is enough.

With that being said, would you have listened to what I had to say if I was homeless? If you would I challenge you for 3 days to record what you eat and how much money you spent that day and total how much you wasted at the end.

I Don't Understand (A Storm)

Unitedybevol — 2009-03-01T04:03:03-05:00

I don't know what to do. I'm silent. I guess I'll write a story. Tell me what you feel... as if you're gonna read it. Close the window already.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSw7CcAXPWk&feature=PlayList&p=E2F6241EACE38017&index=0&playnext=1

If you're still here. Read and start with Autumn. You'll understand, or will you be lost like me?

A STORM

A room where so much life was held now shutters against the cold fading moon. You see? This room has seen photos come and go; the last of them in the darkness, the photos stand still and gray on top of a cherry red dresser. Your eyes strain and still you only see with what the moonlight provides. The window stands tall and proud, clear as day although grasped by the night air; light smoke calmly creeps across the outside of the panes.

You see her from the side, as she lies in front of the window. The six section glass towers her body as if a guardian in these uncertain nights. She lays there still, her eyes closed, resting her arms on her stomach. Her wispy mahogany hair glows slightly in the eerie moonlight. Can you see as I see? The gleaming red lips, the ivory soft skin, a face like that of an angel's sigh on a cold night? You stare at her face till the flashes of smiles run before your eyes, they don't stop, they can't. You remember her as if she was your soul, every detail dripping before you and the tears don't stop, how can they? You drowned them long ago...

The piano dances melancholy around the air, as you breathe it in and exhale the violin. It’s so sad; you can feel it in your heart as you step closer to her. Her chest rises slowly; your heart beats like Vivaldi in the midst of his darkening spring. You seem to glide towards her, almost effortlessly but with such struggle you stumble slightly in your ease, your eyes still on her. As you walk closer you can see the tears that fell from years before. Her soft ivory face leaves you scarlet and still; you stand there silent, your body wavering every now and then, disturbing the dust on the floor.

The lighting brands the sky and the thunder follows like a rolling plague. Your face goes white and you fear for her waking. Thunder pursues once more deafening the sky with sound, whatever blood in your body vanishes and you're left ghastly in the dark. The rain embellishes the gray sky, the rays of the moon reach towards the ground like graceful knives. The light hits her and as she opens her eyes, you see the peace that was once there, her eyes bright in the light of the moon shine a petrifying green. You remember, and you fall through the surface. Breaking through Vivaldi's summer, your heart beats faster and faster. She lays there and exhales your sky.

Afraid you stand as Medusa's statue, but she ignores you. Although her feet delicately touches the floor the dust jumps and vanishes leaving the room new as the day you arrived. Still silent and oblivious she runs past you and down the stairs and out into the open. Startled you get on the bed and look out the window to see her running through the meadow, she stops. She cups her hand around her mouth and shouts. You hear the thunder boom and you run down the stairs, through the black living room, and out into the open meadow.

Can you see as I see? The pallid quivering lips, the soft paling peach skin, a face that the angels sculpted with air now battered by rain. Her puffing cheeks were quick to forget the tears and embraced the rain, the eyes screamed at the stars and her voice was left ignored by the night. Lightning was strewn across the sky and in answer the night turned and surrendered itself to the rumbling barrage of cannons that swept the vault of heaven like the beginning of Vivaldi’s winter.

She crumpled to her knees and fell on the ground, the white dress that elegantly caressed her firm yet soft body, was soaked and the left side stained with dirt. Her legs to her right side she leaned with her arms out, her hands on the ground to support her. Her lonely tears joined the rain and danced on the forever inconstant ground. Her mahogany hair now black and soaked stayed close to her, as if in fear of what was to come. She looked at the sky and screamed; still you cannot hear her voice. You move closer, the tall grass slowing your progress; the lightning shatters the night and she screams once more; this time, the thunder roars your name. Do you understand now?

I am death, and I took you away, for you to see what you have taken for granted. Now return from whence you came.

I know this life is beyond me
It stretches further then my eyes can see
The pain inside that I've grown to learn
The silence that long pursues my empty soul, I yearn.
The storms rise and fall
In the darkness we haul
The lost and diverging
Till they arrive emerging
From the ebbing of the storm
From which they should have been born.

Sorry O_O!!! Just tell me what your thoughts are ^-^. (I kinda wanna write a bunch of short stories and poems and publish them hehe. So help me and tell me your thoughts! Be critical and tell me what you liked, didn't like, what feelings it gave you, what images you felt, what made you confused etc.)

JUST to let you know, it was intended to be somewhat (although not really) like Aesops Fables. Cause honestly, we do forget those that matter to us from time to time.

Whore this blog out if you can... I really want to see how many insights and stuff I can, and Mindsay is a vast site so PLEASE PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO WHORE MY BLOG! ^-^.

No stealing or any alterations of my writing is allowed without written permission! ;).

Help Save the Snow Leopard! FOR FREE!

Unitedybevol — 2009-03-06T04:03:46-05:00

The Snow Leopard Trust (www.snowleopard.org) needs your help!

They would like to you to sign up for their eNews and have others sign up as well. For every new subscriber, the Kearsley Fund will donate $2 to the Snow Leopard Trust. Their goal is 3000, but they are NOWHERE CLOSE! However, if we all sign up and post this in our journals, we can help donate up to $6000 for snow leopard conservation!

http://www.snowleopard.org/news/currentnews/sign-up-to-save-snow-leopards

PLEASE HELP!

America, is too much.

Unitedybevol — 2009-04-18T03:04:31-05:00

Reading an article about Jackie Chan, voicing his opinion about how he's unsure if Hong Kong is ready for freedom. He believes that if they're given their freedom they'll go too far.

That post received comments like:

"What a f__king idiot! This is a prime example of why entertainers should just shut their mouths and get the hell out of social politics."

"Jackie Chan has obviously taken one too many kung fu blows to his noggin....what a typically moronic statement from a celebrity; I guess the American film community isn't the only one thats full of idiots."

"He should keep his chink a$$ in commie land. Stay out of America. What an idiot. Send him to tibet and let the police beat him."

And these guys actually got thumbs up? Seriously... WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?! GOD DAMN!

HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DEFEND FREEDOM WHEN YOU'RE BASHING SOMEONE ELSE FOR IT?! And even going as far as making racist comments and saying mean and degrading comments to someone who has their heart set out to do the right thing? HOW THE HELL IS THAT FREEDOM?!

Here's FREEDOM FOR YOU FUCKERS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!

Freedom is the fight our forefathers had to die for, they died so we would be able to walk outside without fearing our neighbor's going to bash us. Democracy was meant for the people to voice as ONE, to live in peace as one.

But in this day an age, where the youth flip off and "rebel" against their parents, companies go over seas, men and women are being fired and layed off for no reason, where someone can sue someone else till they're poorer then the dirt they end up in. This is the ONLY country where the ex leader of it can take advantage of it and walk away unscathed.

I love my freedom, I love being American and I don't believe our forefathers fought so we could tarnish their history and become the most feared (instead of revered) and wasteful country.

Here's the funny fucking part, we all hate our f-n government but for some reason we love it more then all the others. DECIDE ALREADY! I have a friend who's in India, and it's the most peaceful he's ever been or seen others. Although he works and does other things, everyone's peaceful and doesn't really care.

The things that corrupt people: Religion, Politics, Material Goods, and Money.

If you have something bad to say, Go ahead and say it Punk, I'll give you a reason to question. But don't be fucking ignorant about things.

WOOT!!

Unitedybevol — 2009-06-11T05:06:52-05:00

I've been so stressed and stuff... BUT! there's good news. I enjoyed making films for my film class, so far I've made TWO! XP. I've never actually recorded anything so it was great doing this, a lot of stress though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2eGYu7IxGk

This is the first film I ever made. I didn't have a camcorder at the time, so I ended up using the Sony Exlim. Comment and rate it! I wanna see if my hard work paid off lol. I also included bloopers lol.

Clarity. No Such Thing. Lovely isn't it?

Unitedybevol — 2009-06-17T06:06:40-05:00

Clarity: "clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity."

So where do we draw the line?

1) when children starve,

2) animals that aren't being adopted are being put to sleep,

3) babies are being born blue because of nitrate,

4) factories are being being built in an area do to racial profiling,

5) jobs are being taken away because companies ship over seas,

6) The amount we spend on medicare vs the money we spent to save Companies and banks, is more then a few billion

7) Dumbass people can't even walk a foot away too a trash can

8) Peta takes shit too far

9) People take shit too far

10) Armed force corruption (I.e. Police violence/stupidity)

11) Murder, rape... pretty much violence runs through our streets.

12) Spanking your child on the butt to discipline them is now Domestic Violence, Compare that to a parent that throws there kid, there's a clear difference, get your priorities straight.

13) Instead of trying to help teens understand the world, we lie to them. Which in turn makes them curious about the subject and go into it.

14) Drugs will kill you, Weed is Deadly. No fucker Weed does not DEADLY. Before your sorry "Adult" ass prints copies of how "Deadly weed" is, How you quit smoking cigarettes and cigars, you contradictory bastard.

15) Officers: How about before Citing someone for doing something dangerous, you get them OUT of the danger zone, instead of giving them the ticket IN the danger zone? In short, something that should have been COMMON sense should be addressed here...

16) With 15 being stated, Officers: Get your priorities straight. (Citizens too)

17) Officers: Yes, I do respect you, but you do realize you aren't above the law right? You electricute, shoot, beat, claim lies, and do shit cause you're bored. Huh... guess you aren't. But to those officers. All nations raise a middle finger and turns it's head when you get fucked. (This doesn't just happen in America obviously)

18) Speaking about NO ONE is above the law, HEY BUSH, FUCK YOU!

19) Beside all the things that happen in the news about cops. Believe it or not but there are good cops out there, that mean to do good. There are kind officers as well as horrible ones. But with that being said.

20) There are kind CITIZENS as well as HORRIBLE (Stupid, Ignorant, Dumb ass shit) ones. So shut your trap. (Before you diss the officer, figure out exactly wtf that citizen did. "Maybe that drug dealer given shit to your child did deserve to be tazed after all". Just sayin as an example, cause people do run into quick accusations based on what they see and not what they know.)

21) Hmm... I didn't realize that a gucci bag, a new cell phone, was more important then the homeless person asking for some food, better be careful, might be your ass out there soon in this economy.

22) People take shit for granted, enough said.

Yes these problems have been in and out of conversations/debates for years, ages, and centuries. I'm not stupid enough to point out the obvious without a reason... it has happened over and over but hey, WAKE UP! My point is that it's STILL happening... Shit! NO WONDER PEOPLE STILL TALK ABOUT IT! CAUSE IT'S STILL GOING ON! (Told you I have a reason to point out the obvious)

We talk about 3rd world countries. What the fuck happened to 2nd world? I'll define that now, it's right in front of you, the middle class and lower class. The "First Country" does not include all of America and well off countries, it includes CEO's and Corrupted officials.

His name a poem
I doubt you know him
He turned his head
While your soul bled
Forsook a great city
To have something pretty
He; is normally defined as a man
But another sense; all of human clan

We all make mistakes, it's a part of our life, a part of the way we grow. But if we keep making the same mistakes, how do we grow, how can we let our children grow? How do you choose to let them grow? In a world full of hate, full of violence, in a world where they can't even appreciate what's around them?

My generation approaches mother/father hood or is already in it. Those before us laid down the errors we should fix. What path do you want to take?

Tupac, and The Rap In Me.

Unitedybevol — 2009-06-19T03:06:59-05:00

Hopefully you guys know that Tupac's birthday passed a few days ago. June 16, 1971

Celebrating Tupac and all hes done
Four shots and he still holds on
Heart stopped beating at 24
But we still remember him forever more
His legacy spans the shining shores
Throughout all the open doors

Story of a social activist
Fought for rights an shit
Fought an believed in dreams
An yet this society doesn't even know what it means.

Story of a man gone down
Legend that rose from the underground
Personal favorite is "Broken Wings"
Spits meaning, truth of life an different things

Born into a worthless world of full violence
Brawling throughout life to fight off tyrants
Restringing his life from loose tied ends
Looking forward to freedom, but what by then?
Only to be shot down again and again

Through all the worlds faults
Supremacy and all the cults
He struggled to survive, and fight for equal rights
A single man to take a dive, into the heartless darkness
Even after he's dead and gone
His voice and legend still holds on.
-----------------------------------------------------
This is just because I'm feeling a beat inside my mind right now lol.

We gangsta, we're thugs
But you don't know us
No you don't know us
We sell tha dime bags for a living
To sleep under a broken ceiling
No you don't know us
You don't know us

In front, riding them spinnin wheels
Behind empty walls lookin for deals
Because a nine-to-five
Won't work for an ex-convict life
Working to pay, paying to work
While my child sits at home crying, hurt
Can't understand why we so poor
Can't comprehend the gangsta's war

Real thugs working to live
Bitches are working to die
One's workin to survive
Can't tell which one leads this life?
Well let me paint if for you
This is the child that you grew and knew

We gangsta, we're thugs
But you don't know us
No you don't know us
People on the streets expectin us killing
You dont know us deep inside, forgotten feelings
No you don't know us
You don't know us

Don't you think it's a little fucked up
A young one holding up a glock
Ready to light up a desperate block
He's got his mind set on death
While his dad shoots up meth
A child out for revenge in a world so small
Even then somehow we don't hear him at all
His silent plea, and empty calls
Another boy's body took a shot and had to fall
This little one's mind still trying to catch up with it all

We gangsta, we're thugs
But you don't know us
No you don't know us
Growing up with an empty feeling
Shots that'll make your skin start peeling
No you don't know us
You don't know us

Now twenty and still serving time
Wishing that his life would just rewind
From the robbery, just to eat yah see
To the drugs he sold, just to have some dough
To the bullet in the gun, that had to end a youngun.
From the fake ass bitch, tryin to start some shit
To the dad inside, too damn high
To realize, through empty eyes
That a child's life, is worth more then guns and knives

In the end, you don't know us
We're gangstas, we're thugs
But you don't know us
We're the one's too broke to live
And find ways with the end of a shiv.

I made a Music Video!

Unitedybevol — 2009-06-26T01:06:35-05:00

It's for Hollywood Undead's Young. Watch it and tell me what you think!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XhI-CfyRRY

The Dream

Unitedybevol — 2009-07-26T08:07:54-05:00

I started writing this at 11pm, it's 5:16am and I'm tired... Don't be too harsh haha. Btw, I need corrections on somethings (especially the latin, I'm not 100% sure it's right so let me know!)

"Get off the phone already!" Her friend teased her.

"I gotta go, the bitch is bothering me haha! Bye! I love you too... yeah, I know... I miss you too, I'll see you soon? Mkay, bye."

"So you llloooooove him huh?" Her friend smiled teasingly.

"Oh shut up! Ooo, heard your fatass tripped yesterday!"

"NUH-UH! Okay yeah..."

Fits of giggles rose and subsided. Her friend looked at her with gentle eyes, "WHICHHHhh reminds me... How's your mother doing? I heard about car accident."

Smiling, "she's fine... bruises and scratches here and there but she's alright, she's home now! That's the good part."

"Great, she can make me some cake so I can get over my pain."

"Fatass bitch!"

As the fit of laughter subsided the night continued and bloomed when the lights turned off. Her lover a thousand miles away with only a thin invisible line binding the two. She smiled lightly, the moonlight pushing through the leaves and dancing in the room. She smiled at her sleeping friend and dozed off herself.

The world shook and faded but there she stood before a new ivory stone cathedral, her pajama bottoms whipped her skin as the wind continued to flutter by her; her perfect fit baby blue tank top held on for dear life. The clear violence of the crystal blue sky showed bright overhead, but the barely waking ground was calm before her. She could feel the sands of time gently sifting beneath her; the grains lightly dancing across her feet. With the violence of the wind and her hair blowing in her face she stared unblinkingly as the cathedral rose at a threatening height over her; cracks appeared, the shadows expanded and the cathedral aged quickly. Towering before her it agitated her eyes; aged and in contrast against the white sand. She feared the possibilities of what were inside.

The haunting site of the cathedral frightened her as the chill of death seemed to wash over her. She woke with a start and rolled onto her side, the moon still hiding behind the quivering leaves. She heard the sweet voice of a song sparrow ringing in the night. Thinking it odd at all to hear a bird at 2:13am she fell back asleep.

Still before the cathedral fearing what was inside she stepped forward in the dream, with no idea what was going on, her only clues, small etchings on the back of her hands, barely visible in the light. The glow on her hands gleamed momentarily then dissipated as she walked through the doors. She felt the chilling cold stones of the cathedral run up her feet and spine but shook it off and continued on, though the area was gently blanketed in shadow. She walked toward the podium, the benches stretching beside her. She could hear the sand dancing outside, their touch on stone echoed softly inside. Still walking she looked around, shadowed ivory white granite statues of heroes and dry peeling paintings of angels hung on the walls. She looked forward again not noticing everything following her like the eyes of the Mona Lisa.

She ran her hand gently across the dusty benches as she walked by, disturbed the dust ran across each bench as if they were never there, the shadows cleared off the statues, and the painting came alive with color, but she notices nothing.

A few feet ahead the podium stands before her. Indication of time was clear, the podium was coated with dust, years of it weighing down the webs. Behind the podium light was consumed by the shadow the walls gave. She made out a rectangular object behind the podium and feared the worst, the thoughts of death and the jittery feeling she got from the webs woke her.

This time her friend was awake as well, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, just a weird dream."

"It's nothing you can't handle is it? Sometimes life's a dream."

Her friend comforted her and got her to smile and laugh. Even after her friend went too sleep she sat there thinking about the darkness behind the podium. Shaking off the cold needles that stabbed at her she whispered, "I'm glad she's here" and fell asleep once again.

She walked up the steps her eyes fixed on the podium and a dust drenched book she couldn't see before. Behind the podium she flipped through the book, the dust flying off as the pages fell, The podium cleared and the lacquer on the cherry oak podium was now evident. She heard laughter and cheering and looked up into the brightened church. The dust danced down forming people, she recognized her mother sitting there with her sister and smiled, the lines began to glow unnoticed.

She ran down the steps calling out to her mom with a light heart, no answer, more chattering and people appeared as the dust finished falling filling the benches. She recognized most of them as family and friends. Turning around she spots only one person sitting on the other side facing the podium.

"Surprised?"

Walking towards the hooded person cautiously, she still hears chattering around her like the constant pattering of rain.

"What is this place?"

The person's attention still fixed, "the wedding day, look ahead".

Looking up she stood still, her smile came back. A figure stood on the left, the white empire styled gown caressed the figure perfectly, the white 'blush veil' still down. Across from her figure, stood a man, she recognized him as her boyfriend, a little older, more gentle looking. The shadows from behind the podium receded revealing a large statue of an angel kneeling on a raised platform, the wings outstretched, tips reaching towards the front of the cathedral. Arching over it was vine covered trellis.

Her smile widened and her cheeks blushed, a surge of excitement rushed through her, only to notice the fiance was shaking nervously. The figure moved her hand up and held his face, his shaking stopped.

She smiled and felt her heart skip a beat, she walked forward and stood at the bottom of the steps looking slightly up at the couple. With the hand still on his face he closed his eyes and leaned his head into it raising his hand to hold her hand closer to him. Opening his eyes he raised both hands to lift the veil. To her, time slowed down in anticipation, the higher the veil was raised the faster her sank as tears of joy ran down her friend's face. As the kiss came the trellis collapsed as did the wings, a surge of dust rose, the people faded and the shadows rushed past her. As the last shadow came in place, the hooded person turned to her fading, "your hands".

Looking at her hands she could only read the left, 'somnium planto res', drops of rain running from the windows fell down her face and exploded on her hands. She could see the glow becoming brighter till she woke. The thin line stretching the distances shivered and the lover felt it, only to roll over restlessly, his body tense, his mind inspired with nightmares.

She looked out the window the sun beginning to rise for the new day, she turned around only to see her friend looking at her tired and worried.

"You took latin didn't you?"

Her friend yawned and rubbed her eyes, "yeah..."

"What's 'somnium planto res' mean?"

"dreams set in place occurrence", her friend looked at her tired and flopped back on her bed and went back to sleep.

Angry and bitter she hid her feelings. As the years passed she changed, the trust between her and the world fell through. He left her side and left her to drown in her anger and bitterness. Her friends stayed by, the lines fluctuating violently. The dream had consumed her mind, it kept recurring, it ended the same way each time.

52 and level-headed the dream happened again, this time the hooded figure lowered her hood. It was herself, she didn't understand. The tears were still raining and welling up in her eyes. The figure looked at her gently and said, "your hands", she read the words that were etched into her hands. "Somnium planto res" one the left, "vos imperium res" on the right.

"Do you know what it means darling child?"

"n-oo-no"

"You're old enough to understand 'life's a dream.'"

"Th-a-that's wha-t-t, she t-tol-d mh-me..."

"And?" Her counterpart smiled gently.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, "dre-ams s-set in puh-place occ-occurrence."

"You're forgetting the right hand now aren't you?" Her double held her right hand gently and read, "Vos imperium res, it means 'You rule over occurrences.' In the end darling child, life is what you make of it, what you create it to be. The cathedral is your sanctuary, your safe place. The statues your friends, the paintings, your life's work, the angel, yourself. Protect the ties you hold precious, the wife your best friend, the boy... boys are boys, get a man. The point is the ties you have are precious... hold onto them."

Her tears and crying began to stop, but still it left a small puddle on the bench, it showed the cherry oak, the figure began to fade for the last time, but as she did she tapped the puddle expanding it. The puddle rushed across the bench to the ground and across her surroundings. Her resentment lifted with the epiphany and she truly woke. It was 6:12 and her friend laid sprawled on the bed drooling on her pillow.

She sniffled a little and rubbed her eyes, "that's just gross... ugh bitch."

References:

I had this in mind when I was thinking about the dress -_-:
http://www.weddingsolutions.com/fashion_and_beauty/Dress_Styles_Empire.html
A cross between:
http://nimrodel.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/wedding-dress-for-petite-women.jpg
(style, length)
http://www.thebridalshop.com/maggiesottero/images/S793.jpg
(color, ribbon)
http://www.weddingsolutions.com/fashion_and_beauty/Dress_Veils_Blusher.html

I kinda want to draw all that now hahaha.

I feel f-n girly now... I'm gonna go lift some weights and burn this story from my mind.

Quotes

Unitedybevol — 2009-09-12T04:09:09-05:00

I decided to make a few quotes =P.

Life's like a box of chocolates, too bad someone left me just the box.

While the world spins faster and faster around me, the only constant is you.

other then this I don't have anything yet lol.

Birthdays and Abortions.

Unitedybevol — 2009-10-18T12:10:27-05:00

It's my birthday, I was awake at 12:00am and Avenged Sevenfold's Afterlife was playing. Right now Nymphetamine is playing, next on my playlist is Happy Birthday by Flipsyde.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inEhl0Ab3CU

It's my birthday but my sister doesn't get to live hers. She wasn't taken away by abortion, but she died shortly after birth. Sometimes I stare off into space just thinking "what if" and if she's wondering what I'm doing with my life. Looking down on me with hazel eyes, smiling at what I've done or disappointed in what I've become.

I'm 22 and she would have been 21 this year. I really don't care whether or not people choose to have an abortion, but an abortion for the wrong reason is still murder. A child in this current hell we have is not the best of circumstances to grow up in, but it depends how you look at it; while bombs of all types seem to drop around us, we'll still have each other right? At least till our eyes close I hope.

The pain of "what if" hurts more then anything else can. We're all different, but underneath the sky we're all the same, human. We make mistakes, but we shouldn't be trying to ignore them and pretend they don't happen.

Yeah I'm gonna bring it up. Prada, pointless "reality" drama... really? Are those needed in your daily life? I can understand watching a show for entertainments... but 200 dollar shoes... I wouldn't bother caring about it, but when people are getting over money... seems petty to me. But then again, this world isn't me.

Life in Grayscale.

Unitedybevol — 2009-10-27T08:10:13-05:00

Life in Grayscale.

A thunder like boom against heavens vault

Leaves this innocent at fault

Dark pale face against the walls

Even silence can hear the calls.

Another strike, a clap of thunder

Leaves their mind asunder

Catching up to what is gone

While the graves sing solemn songs

Thunder resounds across the stormy skies

Leaves another child blind in eye

Separate stories shall emerge

When body and soul diverge.

The grey grave which reflects the storm,

Sits alone and recites the poem

Of a life that grays the stone

Drawn black and blue to shattered bone.