Well today My big bro picked me up at 11:30 I helped him move, so we carried things into the truck and then unloaded the first load then we went to go grab some lunch... Did two more loads went and picked up his friend then we went driving then Hobee's, I saw Karen there, had a crush on her since third grade... but yeah... Anyway's we got his stuff moved in to his place... So... would you care if I died? Because right now I'm feeling like no one would care... I've done too much bad things so far in my life... I think I should die before I end up hurting someone. There's very few reasons why I'm still alive... the numbers are dwindling... I didn't want to die because I loved Kate so much I didn't want to leave her, I still don't and now no matter what she says it feels like I'm losing her, and then KT's gone through so much shit that it's not fucking fair for her to take all of this, she means so much to me and it feels I'm losing her too... Then there is my mom... she jsut doesn't even care if I die, it's like if I die... then she'd get all bitchy and the only reason she's crying is because she wasted her life raising the shittiest person alive... soon the only reason, the only dream I'll ever have left is holding my baby girl, or baby boy in my arms and look into his or her sweet little eyes and just kiss the baby on the nose and watch him or her just giggle and sleep. I really want to be able to bring a life to the world... A gift of my own... but I want bring the gift with someone I care about, someone I'll love, that loves me... I'm going through so much pain writing this... I'm trying to stop the tears but it seems like my feeling are unwanted anywhere I go... maybe death is a better path... just not now.